I just called my local game stop
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︎ Feb 01 2021
Found at my local Trader Joeβs.... I mean come on... you laughed... Right?!
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︎ Feb 02 2021
Itβs a 5 minute walk from my home to the local pub...
...and itβs a 30 minute walk from that pub back home.
The difference is staggering.
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︎ Jan 23 2021
I went to my local all you can eat buffet...
And there was this girl that was only choosing vegetables?
I thought, i never seen herbivore.
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︎ Feb 01 2021
I thought I saw Michael J Fox at my local garden centre.
I'm not sure if it was him, though, as he had his back to the fuchsias
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︎ Dec 24 2020
I went to my local Gym to learn to do the splits...
Gym instructor said: 'How flexible are you?'
Me: 'I can't make Tuesdays'
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︎ Jan 27 2021
There is a sign outside my local library that says 'Watch for Cars'
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︎ Dec 30 2020
I just got thrown out of my local park for arranging the squirrels by height.
They didnβt like my critter sizing.
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︎ Oct 05 2020
My local pastor is a keen motor cyclist...
He's just bought himself a Holy Davidson.
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︎ Jan 10 2021
I told my local garbage man how much I appreciate him.
I said I would be a mess without him.
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︎ Dec 30 2020
So I went to my local astrology group and was asked to take roll call. And wouldnβt you know it?
All the signs were there.
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︎ Jan 08 2021
I was at a local store buying a shitty old CD for $9.95. When I handed the cashier my $10, he handed me my change and said:
"Here's your Nickleback."
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︎ Dec 17 2020
Called my local restaurant for reservation. Hey are you guys open for reservations? They replied four to nine today
Looks like they are too busy today
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︎ Jan 06 2021
I keep complementing my local gas station when training my dog.
π︎ 2
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︎ Jan 02 2021
I canβt believe I wasted all my time trying to help rearrange the vending machines at my local grocery store...
Iβve been moving them around all day but they still say they are βOut of Orderβ
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︎ Oct 22 2020
I invited the local farmer and his horse to my son's birthday party
They quickly became the centaur of attention
π︎ 8
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︎ Nov 19 2020
I may have been kicked out of my local watch shop for throwing the merchandise around, but I can confirm...
Time does fly when youβre having fun!
π︎ 25
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︎ Oct 20 2020
I asked my local locksmith why he's still open during these crazy times. Turns out he's a key worker.
So is the piano shop owner next door.
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︎ Nov 13 2020
My bff and I want to go to a local art exhibit. Terrible art puns ensue
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︎ Oct 10 2020
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water.
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︎ Sep 28 2020
Had a large keyboard instrument with pipes that I gave for free to my local church.
Always proud to be an organ donor.
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︎ Oct 27 2020
I showed this woman all the F-150s at my local dealership, and she instantly wanted me.
I guess she was really into pickup lines.
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︎ Nov 09 2020
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebeeβs, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
βJust-ice has been servedβ
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︎ Sep 04 2020
My local Vietnamese restaurant
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︎ Feb 14 2020
I tried to schedule a time to go into my local library
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︎ Sep 24 2020
The first time I seen my Wife was at the local Zoo. Our eyes met..
..and I knew She was a Keeper.
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︎ Jul 28 2020
The taylor at the local men's clothing shop kept trying to help me find wedding attire despite my wishes. He finally gave up and said
π︎ 4
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︎ Sep 28 2020
My local bakery has a martial arts promotion going on
They allow you to take-one-dough.
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 29 2020
My local paper has done amazing work in exposing corruption in our local chicken farms.
They deserve a pullet-zer prize.
π︎ 6
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︎ Sep 15 2020
My local safari park is trying to pass off common Caribou as African Wildebeest...
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︎ Aug 15 2020
I can't wait until the pandemic is over, and I can see the pun-based show my local theater troupe has been rehearsing.
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︎ Sep 02 2020
I quit my job as the Pro at the local Miniature Golf course...
... I found the work oft-putting.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 22 2020
I bought a dog from my local blacksmith
When I got it home it made a bolt for the door
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︎ Jul 13 2020
My local council has managed to legislate a ban on all headgear
Hats off to them for getting that passed
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 04 2020
My local furniture store keeps calling me but...
All I wanted was one night stand
π︎ 9
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︎ Aug 01 2020
My local paper said the police arrested the energizer bunny
It said they charged him with battery
π︎ 9
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︎ Aug 16 2020
My family has been getting stir crazy. So we decided to take our son to the local zoo. Problem is, itβs a small zoo. They only have one animal. Itβs a dog.
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︎ Aug 15 2020
My local pub has put a dartboard on the ceiling
Makes me want to throw up!
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︎ Aug 18 2020
A guy just went crazy at my local dumpling house and destroyed the place.
He's been charged with wonton destruction.
π︎ 7
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︎ Aug 18 2020
My local karaoke bar has just banned all Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Bing Crosby songs β¦
to prevent the spread of the crooner virus.
π︎ 7
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︎ Aug 11 2020
I got into a fight with an employee at my local hardware store today!
He asked if I wanted decking...
Lucky I got the first punch in
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︎ May 29 2020
My local Italian restaurant is moving to Italy
They are moving to greener pasta.
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 08 2020
My local oriental takeaway got closed down because they found canine meat.
Shame I thought it was the dogs bollocks.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 26 2020
I saw a duck at my local rehab center.
I asked and he said heβs there because heβs a recovering quack addict.
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︎ Jun 09 2020
I needed to get my locks changed, but all the local locksmiths were closed...
I thought they were key workers?
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︎ Apr 25 2020
I took my kids to Alaska to learn about the local culture
But they just weren't that Inuit.
π︎ 5
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︎ Jul 13 2020
I got thrown out of my local park after arranging the squirrels by height.....
They didnβt like me critter sizing.
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︎ Aug 27 2020
Tried to schedule a date with my girlfriend at my local library
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︎ Jun 16 2020
A man knocked on my door today and asked for a small donation for the local swimming pool...
So I gave him a glass of water...
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︎ May 23 2020
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