I had to fire the guy I hired to mow my lawn.
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
I was standing in line waiting to have my hair cut, when I noticed that no one had started a fire yet.
I thought, "This is a shit barber queue."
My wife saw me almost catch myself on fire, after putting gas on a campfire.
She yelled “What are you, retardant!?”
A pyromaniac from my hometown accidentally killed himself in a fire, but nobody even showed up to identify the body.
I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldn’t get my gun to fire
I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
My elderly neighbor had some landscapers take care of his lawn every weekend for several years. Recently, he hired a new crew, but forgot to fire the old crew. So this weekend they both showed up to mow his lawn, and got into a fight over who should be there.
He had no idea he had started a turf war.
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
I dropped my steak into the fire.
Well done, me, well done.
I need to apologize to my fellow Californians for all the recent forest fires.
Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them
My 4 year old daughter came crying that she couldn't find her Barbie dolls. Apparently, my 2 year old son threw them in fire last night for fun.
Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams movie is Mrs Fire.
Edit: Thanks for my first ever Gold! I have no idea what it does but it sure is shiny =]
I'm going to have to fire my mechanic. He's always losing track of time.
And "Temporal Mechanics" is a dumb name for a company anyway.
I love to set things on fire. So does my wife. So does our kid.
The first time he set a building on fire, I turned to my wife and said, "yep, that's arson."
I was able to salvage some sandpaper from my wood shop fire...
But it was in rough shape.
My friend's bakery got set on fire the other day
My dad's tent caught fire...
My boss said he could fire me just cause.
I said he can’t fire me without just cause.
I was cold while in my kayak so I lit a fire and it sunk
Shows you can’t have your kayak and heat it too!
I was messing around with my wife while we were camping and accidentally lit her hair on fire...
She’s not going to divorce me, but she was fuming.
I was using my drill at work when all of a sudden it heated up so much, it caught fire!
So I called up Dewalt and they said: “not to worry! It’s just a fire drill.”
REDDIT! IM GOING TO BE A DAD!!! :D
Today while discussing game meats and a kangaroo stew I made a few years back, my coworker pointed out that with the Australian wild fires you won’t be able to get much kangaroo meat these days...
My reply without missing a beat — you’ll be able to buy it, you just won’t be able to buy it rare.
I failed my fire safety course when I was asked what steps I would take in case there was an explosion.
“Really large ones” wasn’t an acceptable answer.
I asked my Dad if he heard about the Notre Dame fire
He told me it didn’t ring a bell
The cops told my wife the house fire was definitely arson
I told him we didn't have a son
One day, my buddy and I were playing a game of cribbage and I was far ahead of him. He told me “Man, you are on fire.”
I shouted back at him “Then put me out already!”
My daughter is trying to light a fire at camp and it just WOULDN'T light. Turn to her and tell her it's because the firewood is bad. "How can you Tell" she asks..
Because the wood is naughty.
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch that it might be me.
My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
I went to the shooting range for the first time and couldn’t get my gun to fire.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch, it might be me.
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
I really love setting things on fire, so does my wife and our kid.
The first time he set fire to a building I said "Yep, that's arson".
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
My boss said he is going to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
My boss said he'd fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
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