My brother had to quit his job as a weightlifter because he wasn't strong enough.
He handed in his too weak notice yesterday.
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︎ Nov 13 2020
My brother lost his left arm and left leg in a terrible auto accident.
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︎ Dec 16 2020
If my brother gets his legs amputated...
Does that make him my half brother?
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︎ Dec 11 2020
My brother prefers to take the stairs but I prefer the escalator.
I guess we were raised differently.
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︎ Nov 20 2020
My dad asked me to hand out invitations for my brothers surprise birthday party...
That's when I realised he was the favourite twin.
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︎ Dec 17 2020
my brother in law was addicted to the hokey pokey. it took him a while but eventually he...
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︎ Nov 20 2020
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
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︎ Nov 25 2020
I just got a ps5 for my little brother.
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︎ Oct 29 2020
Talking with my brother: βHey remember when we would see how far we could jump off the staircase?β
βThat just sounds like leaping off ledges with extra stepsβ
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︎ Dec 15 2020
I told my kids, "Did you know Albert Einstein had a brother that was an evil scientist who created a monster from body parts and his name wasβ¦"
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︎ Dec 06 2020
My brother went to jail. He didn't take it well. Started insulting and attacking everyone and threw his own feces on the walls.
I don't think we'll play Monopoly with him again.
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︎ Sep 08 2020
My 8 year old brother made this one: How does the fish cross the road?
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︎ Nov 30 2020
Last year I recorded a video with my brother
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︎ Dec 03 2020
My brother told me this one ;-;
My great uncle died the other night. He lost too much blood and the doctors couldn't find a donor because they didn't know his blood type. However, the whole time, my great uncle was cheering them on saying, "Be Positive!"
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︎ Oct 30 2020
My brother who works in a tannery has gone missing. We haven't seen hair nor hide of him.
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︎ Oct 26 2020
I never wanted to believe that my brother was stealing from his job as a road worker
but when I got home, all the signs were there
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︎ Aug 29 2020
My brother dug a hole in the ground, filled it with water then designed a moving staircase that was powered by it.
That well escalated quickly!
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︎ Oct 31 2020
My brother just had twins so I invited him to join the group.
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︎ Nov 19 2020
My brother and I are on a tight deadline to make Dracula action figures.
I have to make every second Count.
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︎ Oct 27 2020
My brother wants to try skydiving so I warned him that...
It has so many downfalls.
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︎ Sep 29 2020
A real conversation between my brother and his wife + me
Brother: Babe, we need to eat all the pears, theyβre going to go bad soon.
SIL: but I donβt like pears, you can eat the rest of them...
Brother: I donβt think I can eat the rest of them by myself though...
Me, from another part of the room: well you better pre-pear yourself!
*ugly laughs from the couch
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︎ Oct 12 2020
My brother, whoβs a cowboy, always sits on the stove when he visits us.
He says that it makes him feel more at home... on the range.
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︎ Nov 16 2020
My brother and I laugh at how competitive we were as kids.
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︎ May 12 2020
My footless brother stepped all over a freshly hatched anthill
Guess you could say he's lack-toes in toddler ants
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︎ Nov 08 2020
My brother hated going to jail
He refused to eat or drink anything, spat on everyone and covered the walls with his own feces...
We never played monopoly again.
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︎ Oct 14 2020
My brother just made a really good investment on a property
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︎ Oct 28 2020
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small flashlight
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
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︎ Oct 22 2020
I was named after my older brother.
And before my younger brother.
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︎ Oct 12 2020
A penguin walks in to a pub and said have you seen my brother?
The barman said, what does he look like?
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︎ Oct 05 2020
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
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︎ Oct 02 2020
My brother just quit his job as a can crusher
Because it was soda pressing.
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︎ Sep 14 2020
My Brother used to Steal from Kitchen Supply Stores..
He was always the whisk-taker in the family.
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︎ Oct 08 2020
My brother is starting a history degree and one of his modules is studying the Stuarts
My dad asked, "Jackie or Rod?"
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︎ Oct 11 2020
My brother was caught stealing fruit last night...
Didn't know I was related to a waterfelon.
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︎ Sep 03 2020
My brother in law does like to do mushrooms...
...but his use is fairly sporeadic.
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︎ Sep 25 2020
Today at dinner, my little brother asked me who a skeletonβs favorite celebrity is. I asked who, then he proceeded to Skeletor laugh and say....
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︎ Aug 05 2020
My brother said he would gift me either a short sleeved shirt or a German sausage.
I hope for the vest but expecting the wurst.
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︎ Aug 23 2020
My 7 year old brother lost his left arm in an accident
Dont worry, he's all 'right' now
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︎ Sep 01 2020
My brother is always making fun of my truck
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︎ Oct 01 2020
My brother and I were just reminiscing about the herb garden our family had when we were kids.
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︎ Aug 19 2020
My brother, who stutters alot, went to prison...
Its a shame that he wonβt finish his sentence
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︎ Aug 19 2020
I was racing with my younger brother on the track, and then he got mad that I didnβt draw a finish line marker on the sand. We kept racing but he kept losing, and at one point he got so mad he threw a tantrum and started hitting and punching and kicking me furiously
.....and thatβs when I drew the line.
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︎ Sep 12 2020
My complete jerk of a brother is a Karate expert, a Chef and a Lawyer!
Dad calls him "Chop Suey."
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︎ Aug 23 2020
I was named after my older brother
And before my younger brother.
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︎ Oct 02 2020
My brother and I make Dracula action figures for a living, and we are on a really tight deadline.
I have to make every second Count.
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︎ Aug 18 2020
I was named after my older brother
And before my younger brother.
π︎ 9
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︎ Sep 21 2020
My brother was caught stealing fruit last night...
I've never known a waterfelon before.
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︎ Sep 03 2020
My brother and I are on a tight deadline to make a bunch of Dracula action figures.
I have to make every second Count.
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︎ May 30 2020
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