Misbehaving Puns

If your father could see you now he would turn over in his gravy

Because Curiosity killed the cat!

"You're grounded!"

Less than 5 minutes later my son handed the essay in to the bemused teacher, and left detention.

The essay simply said:

“rain stopped play”

Bad-mitten

A little swine.

He was grounded

Out, damn Spot. Out!

Beehive

tell him that you’re going to get “ruff” with him. He’ll know what that means.

The son replied, "Maybe he has good parents then"

A Jingle Cell.

Boot camp

Edit, "boot camp didn't work out so the boots went on a sole searching adventure."

Butt up - butt up - butt up butt up butt up butt up butt up!

They had to Ban-Anna

They had a severe case of a reptile dysfunction.

A knightmare.

A bad habit

Urine trouble mister

Because they’re naughty-cal.

play-penitentiary.

Sometimes you just have to give it a good lickin'

Because they always give in to pier pressure.

Because he was a rapscallion.

"An egg is an egg! Or as the French would say, 'An oeuf is an oeuf'."

One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the naughty retirees’ behavior that was going on... So He called His angels and sent one to earth for a time.

When the angel returned, he told God, ‘Yes, it is not good on earth; 95% of retirees are misbehaving and only 5% are not.’

God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.'

So God called another angel and sent her to earth for a time.

When the angel returned, she went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true. The earth is in decline; 95% of retirees are misbehaving, but 5% are being good...' God was not pleased...!

So He decided to e-mail the 5% who were good, because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what the e-mail said?

Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either!

One of the students replies “Its what my mom says to me with when I misbehave.” “What?” “She looks at me and yells ‘jesuit* til your father gets home!’.”

[Jesuit= Just you wait]

Was talking with my step-mother-in-law. She said "The kids are being quiet. They must be misbehaving." I followed with "That's sound logic..." I thought it was hilarious and she laughed once but my wife just thought it was stupid.

Long, but worth it. GF visits me at work, I sneak up behind her and pinch her butt. She jumps, turns and asks "Why do you always do that?!" Me: "What?" GF: "Misbehave?" Me: "Sounds like a naughty teacher." GF: "huh?" Me: "Miss Behave, she sounds like a naughty teacher." GF groans and slaps me on the shoulder as a Female Co-worker walks by. FC: "Dunno what you did, but I'm sure you deserved that." GF: (to FC) "He did." (To me) "Who's that?" Me: "Oh, that's Missus LeJoke" (cue cheesey grin :D) GF realizes what I said, rolls eyes, groans "oh jeesus", facepalms, and walks away chuckling.