A man went to the doctor’s and told him, “I feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”
He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”
A man is walking down the street when he looks into an alley and sees 2 sharks standing up.
One shark hands the other one a small packet full of some suspicious white powder.
"That's some fishy business" the man remarks.
My friend keeps saying “Cheer up man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
I saw a man going up a hill with a trolley full of horseshoes, four leaf clovers and rabbit's feet...
I thought, “Well he's pushing his luck!”
Why did the woman break up with the man that had 5 pairs of legs?
He brought tension to the relationship
There was an article I read about this man who hasn’t woken up in years in Washington
If Iron Man and Silver Surfer teamed up...
They would both be alloys.
What do you call a man who was force fed chocolate and peanut butter then chopped up?
A man woke up to find out that he was connected to a constant source of water.
He was quite irrigated about it.
A man woke up in a hospital after a terrible accident. He shouted, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied, “I know. I amputated your arms!”
What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do by raising one leg?
A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his butt.
The doctors described his condition as stable.
A man walks up to a crazy robot and says
"You're nuts!" and bolts.
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"
"Have you ever done anything good?" St. Peter asked a guy when he showed up at the Pearly Gates. "To protect a young girl I punched the leader of a motorcycle gang, kicked his bike over, and told them all to back off!" said the man. St. Peter was impressed, "When did you do this?"
"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."
At a funeral, a little old man goes up to the grieving widow.
"May I say a word?"
Sniffling, the widow agrees. The old man clears his throat, "Plethora"
"The widow smiles. "Thanks, that means a lot."
Did you hear about the man who invented a more efficient way to set up the high jump and pole vault?
A British man decided to pick up a hitchhiker with no arms, 1 leg and 3 heads.
He says: " 'ello 'ello 'ello, you look 'armless, hop in!"
A man was arrested for beating up someone with a battery-shaped dildo
He was charged with sexual battery.
I was walking up the aisle at my local Home Depot and spotted a cranky looking old man in an orange vest.
“Excuse me, could you help me?” I asked.
He grunted in response, barely looking at me.
“Um, I’m looking for a way to keep my dogs in my backyard. Do you know where those electric leashes are? I’m trying to decide if I should try that or just block it off with a fence or something.”
He turned to face me and looked me up and down with disdain, “Do we look like a pet store?” And he turned around and walked away.
I took a fence.
Ladies: If you think your man has trouble "opening up,"
A local man shows up to his local Starbucks for his daily cup of coffee.
“Grande macchiato with oat milk, please.”
The cashier started to process his order, until the man asked “Why are you wearing a surgical mask?”
“I’m not”, said the barista, “it’s a coughy filter”.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt and walks up to the bartender and asks for two beers and says...
"One for me and one for the road"
A man came up to me and said "Man, your clothes look gay".
I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".
How did the gingerbread man wind up with one leg?
He lost the other in Nom.
A man held up a pizza joint at knifepoint
No one knows who’ll get the slice
A man was hospitalised with 6 plastic horses up his arse
The doctor said his condition was stable
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog, bends down as if to pet it, then picks it up by the tail and begins spinning it over his head. It created quite the ruckus, so an employee ran over and asked the man if he needed help.
"No thanks, just looking around."
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
A man walks up to a microphone stand.
Man: would all the Mike's stand up please?
a few men stand up
Man: thank you, this concludes the Mike check
Ah man just a repost from a wrong sub. Lets get to 58 up
Iron Man and the Silver Surfer is teaming up for the next movie to fight crime.
Why did the man fill his attic up with Helium?
A man suspected his wife was hard of hearing so he decided to do an experiment. The man snuck up behind his wife and said, “Honey, can you hear me?” No response. He went a little closer and said a little louder, “Honey, can you hear me?” Still no response. So he went right beside her ear, yelling,
“Honey, can you hear me!?” She turned around and shouted, “For the third time, yes I can hear you!”
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me!
A Roman man walks into a bar and holds up 2 fingers.
He says to the bartender, "5 beers, please!"
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, “Is this good for wasps?”
He said, “No, it kills them.”
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
If Iron Man and Sliver Surfer teamed up, what would they be?
If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man teamed up ...
A guy came up to me and said, “Man your clothes are so gay”
I said, “I know, they came out of the closet this morning”
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
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