A list of puns related to "Loving Egg"
They always crack me up.
They’re hard to beat!
And neither of them were planned!
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ➡...there’s no place like home for the hollandaise.
Love meant nothing to her.
My son and I love good egg pun Dad jokes. We got it going the other day and my wife rolled her eyes. He asked her, "which joke didn't you like?"
She replied "all ovum"
For efficiency, send your kids to look for eggs that you haven’t hidden.
Remember, only come here for cringe, Because this is the ultimate Pun Collection.
I'm sorry for the cringe...
We were having a conversation with our family about cooking, and my dad just casually said to my sister (who’s birthday it is tomorrow:) Hey how do you like your eggs?
Sis: well if you’re talking about breakfast I like them sunny side up! Dad: Oh, well I like them in cake.
I instantly cracked up, and everyone else took a minute. It must be because I’m in culinary school.
I love you dad.
Why didn’t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog’s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
If you can’t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you’re bacon my heart melt.
What are they warned to watch out for? Pigpockets.
First Carter Page and now Betsy DeVos. Trump’s cabinet is like a game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon except with Russia.
Everything must be wrapped in bacon, including bacon.
If Kevin Bacon doesn’t whisper “Here comes the Baconator” before he has sex all my faith in humanity is lost
I’ll acknowledge Canada Day when they finally acknowledge that’s not bacon
If Donald Trump really KNOWS the average WORKER then where are the pics of Trump hungover in 7-Eleven buying bacon in sweat pants?
This guy ordered a vegetarian sandwich and then added bacon. It was like watching someone have a mid-life crisis and then find a cool hobby.
If we don’t build a wall on our northern border, they’ll soon be maple syrup & Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.
I signed an Executive Order to make Saturday morning bacon and eggs and pancakes with triple butter and syrup non-fattening.
My bedroom smells like maple, bacon and beaver…because I’m Canadian.
When the waitress calls you Babycakes you know you’re getting extr
... keep reading on reddit ➡...when father mole looks over lovingly to mother mole and says, "In appreciation of all you do, we are going to brunch today!"
Mother mole and baby mole excitedly get ready and put on their Sunday best.
When they are ready to leave, mother mole climbs up the tunnel first, and exclaims, "O my, I can smell pancakes and syrup!" Baby mole comes up next and says, "I can smell eggs and bacon!"
Father mole follows behind and says, "Funny, all I can smell is molasses!"
Chris Pine - Pine scented
Cocoa Chanel - Hot cocoa scented
Beth Crow-ley - Rain, nighttime, and city streets scented
Tom Holly-and - Holly berry scented
JK Row-ling - Lakes and campfire scented
Miley Cypress - Cypress scented
Bob Moss - Forest and moss scented
Juniper Aniston - Juniper scented
Katy Berry - Mixed berry scented
Britney Spearmint - Spearmint scented
Bread Pitt - Bread scented
Tom Cruise - Ocean, salty, alcohol scented
Aurora - Nighttime, wind, whimsical scented
Nicole Kidman - baby powder scented
Justin Beaver - Wood, nature scented
Elvis Parsley - Parsley scented
Steve Cobs - Corn on the cob scented
Banana Montana - Banana scented
Orange Winfrey - Orange scented
Chris Bat - Nighttime, caves, and bats scented
Zoey Salad-ana - Salad, lettuce, leafy greens, tomato, cheese scented
Dwayne the Rock - Mountains, earthy, fresh, crisp, wind scented Jennifer Joe-pez - Nice hot cup o’ joe scented
Chicken Corbin Blue - Chicken and cheese and ham scented
Robert Brownie Jr. - Brownie scented
Sardine-a Gomez - Sardine scented
Daniel Rad-Clif - Clif bar blueberry flavor scented
Leonardo Di-Carp-rio - Fish scented
Halle Berry - Mixed scented
Demi Tomato - Tomato scented
Kevin Bacon - Bacon scented
Mandy S’more - S’mores scented
Mackerel-more - Fish scented
Broccoli Obama - Broccoli scented
WILL.I.SPAM. - Spam scented
Mark Buffalo Wings - Buffalo wing scented
John Lemon - Lemon scented
Shakiramisu - Tiramisu scented
Egg Sheeran - Eggs scented
Benedict Cucumber Patch - Cucumber scented
Adille - Dill scented
Kevin Spicy - Taco scented
Channing Potatum - Potato scented
Melon DeGeneres - Melon scented
Danny Burrito - Burrito scented
Michaelanjello - Red jello scented
Harry Panini - Panini scented
Snoop Hot Dog - Hot dog scented
Paris Hilton - Paris, city of love, generic love perfume scented
Morgan Whipped Cream-in - Whipped cream scented
Mike Fryson - French fry scented
Henry David Thoreaut Lozenge - Cough drop scented
Raisin Williams - Raisin scented
Robert Frosty - Vanilla ice cream scented
Jeff Onion-blum - Onion ring scented
Tom Skittle-ston - Skittles scented
Ralph Waldo M&Mson - Chocolate scented
Malt Whitman - Malt scented
(Friend and I came up with these on the ride down to Boston for a concert, after the “I wonder what Chris Pine smells like?” joke was brought up again from a previous time hanging out. I’m particularly proud of Bob Moss and Zoey Salad-ana.)
I used to know a guy who absolutely loved hollandaise sauce. He would buy the spiciest brand he could find and would put it on just about everything. Well it turned out that because he used the spicy sauce so much, it started to wear down a hole on the roof of his mouth. He went to a doctor and asked what he could do about it. The doctor looks at the damage and determines that the man will need a metal plate placed at the roof of his mouth. The man is relieved but can't help asking the doctor if he will still be able to enjoy his hollandaise sauce. The doctor reassures the man that his new plate will be made of chrome. The man was curious, so he asked if chrome was the best choice. The doctor responded with "Oh don't worry, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."
The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.
Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!
What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!
Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!
Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.
How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!
What musical is about a train conductor? “My Fare, Lady”.
A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What animals are on legal documents? Seals!
Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!
Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.
Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!
How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Dockyard: A physician’s garden.
What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!
The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.
“What’s purple and 5000 miles long?” “Ooh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.”
I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!
When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is
... keep reading on reddit ➡I'm not sure where else to post this but I hope this is the right place.
A close girl friend of mine is a fine artist that specializes in greeting cards with funny/cute puns/lines on the front and since I am moving away in December I wanted to create a Christmas or Thank You card one for her. Some examples are Bonne Fett (with a picture of Boba Fett holding balloons, and You R2 Cute (with a picture of R2D2 and a heart). Essentially she does a lot of cultural references that can be put onto a greeting card.
The two things she loves in this world are Egg McMuffins and Chinese Coconut buns. Could I get some help coming up with a Christmas/Thank you Puns using one of those ideas I can put on a card?
Thanks so much!
I went to a diner called Mo's Egg House to grab some breakfast with some friends. We ended up ordering two eggs benedicts and two eggs florentine.
The waitress said "Wow, you guys are easy." To which I replied "overeasy."
Everyone hates me now. I love it.
Son : "Dad, could you make me an egg, please?"
Dad : "No! I love you the way you are."
During a night of passionate love making from a couple of German newlyweds, a group of sperm travel, all with the hope to be the one to fertilize the egg. A pair of sperm find themselves in a heated argument:
"I vill be the one who gets there first, after all, I am from the left testicle, we are known for our speed!" gloated the one sperm.
"Nein! It vill be I! I hail from the right testicle - known for its efficiency!" yelled the other.
"Well we lefties are known for our cunning, I will definitely out maneuver you!"
"The right vill be VICTORIOUS!" "Nein! the left vill be TRIUMPHANT!!!" "LEFT!" "RIGHT!" "LEFT!!!!!" "RIIIIGGGHHHTT!!!"
Finally fed up from the constant bickering, a sperm from the front of the load yells
"OH VAS DEFERENS DOES IT MAKE?!"
"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for the use of words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless." A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location. This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.
Here goes...
.. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
.. The batteries were given out free of charge.
.. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
.. A will is a dead giveaway.
.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
.. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
.. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
.. Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
.. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.
.. A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.
.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.
.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
And the cream of the twisted crop:
.. Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ➡What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn
... keep reading on reddit ➡As love means nothing to them
When asked the question, "What came first, the chicken or the egg" the boy stared out the window for a few and came back with...
"I don't know, dad, I can't crack that one."
He had no idea why I was laughing so hard.
Dad: "hey, spell joke."
Me: "J. O. K. E."
Dad: "what's the white part of the egg?"
Me: "... The white."
Dad: " well, that's what people call it, but it's actually the albumen."
Son (age 5): I don't want scrambled eggs for breakfast!
Me: What do you mean? You love scrambled eggs!
Son: I used to like them more but we've had them so much I don't like them anymore.
Me: Sounds like you're having... an egg-sistential crisis.
Son: ... what?
Me: Never mind, eat your eggs.
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