I donβt even like PokΓ©mon just live puns
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︎ Feb 28 2019
Live savings spent in a second
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︎ Mar 05 2021
Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know Iβm getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beerβ¦.
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! β€οΈ
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︎ Apr 09 2021
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
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︎ May 27 2021
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︎ Apr 16 2021
Wild Falcons live to be about 13. So all the Falcons in the wild today were born in the 21st Century.
They're Millennial Falcons
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︎ Apr 14 2021
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because if they lived in pepper water, they would sneeze.
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︎ May 14 2021
What do you call a witch that lives in the sand?
I don't know but I'm getting hungry.
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︎ Apr 24 2021
What do you call Pikachu when he joined the Black Lives Matter movement?
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︎ May 21 2021
Where do Italian gangsters live?
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︎ May 17 2021
Do you think jugglers who live in houses with low ceilings...
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︎ May 13 2021
What do you call a witch that lives in the beach?
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︎ May 04 2021
Long live Rudolph the red
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︎ Dec 06 2020
A woman is sick in the hospital. Doctors tell her she only has days to live. She summons for her husband because she has something important to tell him. He rushes to the hospital.
When he arrives she says βIβve decided what I want for dinner.β
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︎ May 15 2021
I was interrogating a crab the other day and I asked it βWhatβs your name? Where do you live? Whatβs that on your back?β
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︎ Apr 05 2021
My wife works with birds at the zoo. The other day I asked her about the lifespan of a falcon. She said they usually live for about 15 to 20 years.
"I guess that means all the Millennial Falcons are gone."
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︎ May 04 2021
Picture this: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas.
Global chaos ensues.
The disease wipes out 99% of humanity, and the desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
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︎ May 04 2021
We live in a susiety
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︎ Mar 31 2021
Why is it that nobody who lives within ten miles of Wisconsin's Forest Home Cemetery is allowed to be buried there?
Because they're all still alive!!
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︎ Apr 25 2021
What do you call an ex pimp who lives on the streets?
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︎ Apr 05 2021
My wife works in animal medicine and rolled her eyes at me. "Where does a vet who specializes in neutering live?"
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︎ Mar 20 2021
I live by my blood type
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︎ Apr 21 2021
I took the kids to see Paw Patrol live
Mama troll was nowhere in sight.
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︎ Apr 16 2021
Feel blessed to live in Hawai'i but apparently, I'm just not a funny guy. Every time I tell a joke, all I get is...
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︎ Apr 15 2021
What do you call two horses that live next to eachother?
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︎ Feb 21 2021
Where do sex worker monks live?
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︎ Mar 14 2021
Where do poor meatballs live ?
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︎ Feb 15 2021
What blade lives by the water?
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︎ Mar 06 2021
How can I get someone to hang out with me, laugh at each otherβs jokes, and maybe share some fun platonic experiences together throughout our lives?
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︎ Dec 21 2020
People live forever
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︎ Feb 27 2021
Why are people that live on mountains smarter?
Because they have high-schools
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︎ Apr 02 2021
While waiting for a school-related live stream, me and my friend decided to throw words at each other and make puns out of them. This is one of my most proudest puns.
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︎ Mar 02 2021
Why do seagulls live by the sea?
Because if they lived by the bay theyβd be bagels.
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︎ Mar 02 2021
I would say i live in africa but then id be lion
This one popped in my head out of nowhere.
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︎ Mar 04 2021
Where do British police officers live?
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︎ Feb 14 2021
My stressed out Mexican friend is moving to a place where one can live a life of ease on 100 centavos a day...
He needs a change of peso.
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︎ Mar 22 2021
We live next door to the Pullovers.
They're a tight knit family.
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︎ Mar 24 2021
Juan's friends and family always tell him how to live his life, but he's been doing some solitary soul searching
Because it takes Juan to know Juan
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︎ Feb 25 2021
What might you call people who live in the high Arctic?
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︎ Feb 22 2021
Whatβs the difference between the police response to Black Lives Matter protests and their response to the Capitol Hill riots?
Well, itβs black and white.
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︎ Jan 07 2021
The inventor of the crossword puzzle lives near me...
He's 3 streets across and 2 down.
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︎ Mar 15 2021
Single ants can live to be 29 years old. Do you know why?
Because they have little antibodies.
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︎ Mar 19 2021
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper water would make them sneeze.
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︎ Feb 21 2021
Iβm gonna live forever
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︎ Feb 27 2021
Why do seagulls live by the sea?
If they lived by the bay, they'd be bagels.
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︎ Jan 27 2021
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