Just got a ps5 for my kids.

Best trade I ever made.

πŸ‘︎ 214
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Its-CJ
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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Kid just got me with this one

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Owlsays

Owlsays who?

Yeah, thats exactly what an owl says!

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M8K2R7A6
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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I know this is an old one, but my dad got me with this when I was a kid and I just used it on my son (he loved it): Why do they put walls around cemeteries?

Because people are dying to get in!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RicoCat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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Just happened. My kids are running around blowing a party noise marker. My wife's sister says " it sounds like an elephant in there"

I look up, straight faced, and calmly reply, "yeah, we don't talk about that.."

My wife buried her face for a good minute.. I'm proud of that one.

EDIT: I showed my wife how many ppl thought this was funny and she told me to say "please don't encourage him" .. :)

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trich101
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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My kid just threw a tantrum.

I'm not sure where it landed. It might be lost.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CyberOGa3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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[META] Dad jokes should be clean, not just groan-inducing. That's what makes it a Dad joke, we can tell it to the kids in front of Mom and not get in trouble (other than maybe for the punchline).
πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/b6a6a6l
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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My kid just told me I looked different with my glasses on

I thought that was the whole point of them.

πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thumbtackthief
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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Just taught my 6yr old calculus and advanced physics. Amazing what kids can learn.

Which happens to be jack shit.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Komone
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother and I were just reminiscing about the herb garden our family had when we were kids.

Good thymes...

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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I just won a teddy bear making competition with my kids.

Great stuff!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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Just heard a grocery store manager telling off a young guy on the checkout. β€œWhy’d you ask that woman with kids for ID? What was she buying?”

β€œCardamom”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aphex-Puddle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My kid just peed on my bed. And I shouted

Urine trouble buddy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sq009
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Just caught my kid eating mayonnaise out of the jar...

What the hellman?

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TomWaah
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife just yelled at the kids β€œwho got into the peanut butter

Me: probably a bunch of nuts

I was the only one who laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danceswithwool
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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My wife just informed me that β€œterrible two” refers to a kids in a specific developmental stage

And all this time that’s how I always referred to my two kids at all times

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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Today is my 42nd birthday. I just announced to my kids that ... finally ...

I have fortitude.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/44pointer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
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We just threw my kid’s history teacher a birthday party.

I still don’t think he likes the present.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
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I just accidentally sucked up one of my kid's alphabet fridge magnets in the vacuum

K, bye.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
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Returning home from the barber, had a true old man moment today. My kid: β€œHey dad, did you just get a hair cut?”

β€œNo son, I got them ALL cut!”

The cycle is complete. I have become my father.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mardrom_Bransle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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I just saw a kid in the hospital that got his left arm amputated

β€œIs he ok?” β€œHe’s all right.”

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EagleHeart0904
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I just took my kids out tobogganing.

It went downhill fast.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dumb-reply
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My kid doesn't know about the Existence of birds, so She just calls them ''Things''

Things went south.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Punnier_Guy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
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Kid just got me #dadjoke #proud

Me: yall never eat fish Kid: yes we do, we eat fish all the time ... GOLD FISH

(Talking about the cracker fish)

They got me!! Lol

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kildrakwolfsbane
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My kid just told me she’s scared of Santa.

She’s Claustrophobic

πŸ‘︎ 478
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mlucasr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
🚨︎ report
My kid just got fired from his coat check job.

He couldn’t get the hang of it.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
The waiter said to me, β€œI just want to let you know that kids eat for free.”

I exclaimed, β€œGood! I’ll take a water and some chicken nuggets and my daughter will have a steak and a kids Bud Light.”

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
As a kid I thought blackholes were really fascinating now they just suck.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hpar1
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My problematic teen kid just fled across the border

He really crossed the line this time!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/otoglomba
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Just finished watching Frozen 2 with my kids. I am convinced a Dad came up with the plot.

Because the moral of the story is >!"Everything will work out in the end... once you deal with the Dam problem!"!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LitterDuck
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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Gordan Ramsey just had his fifth kid

I guess we found something he likes raw

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Some kid just threw a lump of cheddar at me...

I thought "that's not very mature "

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SwiftHadoken
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
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Every time we go past a railroad crossing, I always tell my kids, "Hey, a train just went by!" They grudgingly ask, β€œHow do you know daddy?”

β€œBecause its tracks are still here!”

πŸ‘︎ 299
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2018
🚨︎ report
In the south, we like our kids just how like our burgers...

... inbred.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/annoyingbutthurt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
🚨︎ report
[meta] Does anyone else spend 15 minutes explaining things to their kids just to tell a 5 second joke?

Or is it just me? My eldest is 8 but I still had to show him what a zippo was before I laid the hippo/zippo one on him.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2018
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I’ve just been looking at our ceiling, kids, and while I wouldn’t say it’s the best in the world…

It’s definitely up there…

πŸ‘︎ 380
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2017
🚨︎ report
They neighborhood kids just started a band! They’re calling themselves 924mb.

They’re good, but they don’t have a gig yet.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smolprincess928
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I didn't think we'd ever have kids, but my boyfriend may have just changed that with his groantastic dadjoke.

I was playing with his hair and I wondered out loud what he'd look like with extremely short or buzzed hair.

He said, "Well I shaved my head once and didn't like it."

"Yeah but you didn't have a beard back then. I wonder if you could pull it off now."

"Well, I'd probably just cut it off."

......

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pooncartercash
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2014
🚨︎ report
My kids just got a new puppy that is scared of every appliance in the house, and one in particular. I suggested they name him β€œNature.”

Because nature abhors a vacuum

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nsertnamehere
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Police were just at my house. Tried to tell me my dog was chasing a kid on a bike.

I just closed the door because my dog doesn’t even have a bike.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wellzy33
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
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My friend just had three kids! He asked me what to name them. I said β€˜James, Charles and Li Zhao’ He asked me why the last one was Li Zhao. So I said β€˜Because every 3rd person born in this world is Chinese
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeetyboi8787
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Kids just don’t appreciate dad jokes.

12 year old’s fishing on a video game. I asked if he was fishing for something specific. He said no. I said β€œSo you’re just fishing for the halibut?”

He just shook his head sadly. Kid doesn’t know what he’s missing. I’m freaking hilarious!

Follow up: I told him I was heartbroken that he didn’t like my joke. He said it was too cheesy. I said it may be fishy but it certainly wasn’t cheesy.

Sometimes it’s mom that has the best dad joke.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tinkchen1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
🚨︎ report
My kid just stacked some letter blocks like so:

F

F

U

T

S

S

I

H

T

You couldn't make this stuff up.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
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My kids hate it when I sing my favorite Michael Jackson song, but I just can't help it

...because I'm Dad! I'm Dad! You know it!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/popegonzo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Just got home and my kids have lice

What a lousey day

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mattmandad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Just witnessed a dad walking with his kids back to their car...

The kids were between four and eight years old and were claiming their spots in the car.

"I'm in the front!" said the boy.

"I'm in the back!" said the girl.

"I'm in the front!" said the dad.

The kids didn't get it but I overheard and had a quiet chuckle.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Peach_Muffin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2018
🚨︎ report
I just took my kids out skiing.

It went downhill fast.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dumb-reply
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report

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