I told my kid we were gonna watch Paw Patrol, but instead I just showed him footage of K9 units training.
Guess that makes me a papa troll.
Just got a ps5 for my kids.
Kid just got me with this one
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Owlsays
Owlsays who?
Yeah, thats exactly what an owl says!
I know this is an old one, but my dad got me with this when I was a kid and I just used it on my son (he loved it): Why do they put walls around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in!
Just happened. My kids are running around blowing a party noise marker. My wife's sister says " it sounds like an elephant in there"
I look up, straight faced, and calmly reply, "yeah, we don't talk about that.."
My wife buried her face for a good minute.. I'm proud of that one.
EDIT: I showed my wife how many ppl thought this was funny and she told me to say "please don't encourage him" .. :)
My kid just threw a tantrum.
I'm not sure where it landed. It might be lost.
[META] Dad jokes should be clean, not just groan-inducing. That's what makes it a Dad joke, we can tell it to the kids in front of Mom and not get in trouble (other than maybe for the punchline).
My kid just told me I looked different with my glasses on
I thought that was the whole point of them.
Just taught my 6yr old calculus and advanced physics. Amazing what kids can learn.
Which happens to be jack shit.
My brother and I were just reminiscing about the herb garden our family had when we were kids.
I just won a teddy bear making competition with my kids.
Just heard a grocery store manager telling off a young guy on the checkout. “Why’d you ask that woman with kids for ID? What was she buying?”
My kid just peed on my bed. And I shouted
Just caught my kid eating mayonnaise out of the jar...
My wife just yelled at the kids “who got into the peanut butter
Me: probably a bunch of nuts
I was the only one who laughed.
My wife just informed me that “terrible two” refers to a kids in a specific developmental stage
And all this time that’s how I always referred to my two kids at all times
Today is my 42nd birthday. I just announced to my kids that ... finally ...
We just threw my kid’s history teacher a birthday party.
I still don’t think he likes the present.
I just accidentally sucked up one of my kid's alphabet fridge magnets in the vacuum
Returning home from the barber, had a true old man moment today. My kid: “Hey dad, did you just get a hair cut?”
“No son, I got them ALL cut!”
The cycle is complete. I have become my father.
I just saw a kid in the hospital that got his left arm amputated
“Is he ok?”
“He’s all right.”
I just took my kids out tobogganing.
Kid just got me #dadjoke #proud
Me: yall never eat fish
Kid: yes we do, we eat fish all the time
... GOLD FISH
(Talking about the cracker fish)
They got me!! Lol
My kid just told me she’s scared of Santa.
My kid just got fired from his coat check job.
He couldn’t get the hang of it.
The waiter said to me, “I just want to let you know that kids eat for free.”
I exclaimed, “Good! I’ll take a water and some chicken nuggets and my daughter will have a steak and a kids Bud Light.”
As a kid I thought blackholes were really fascinating now they just suck.
My problematic teen kid just fled across the border
He really crossed the line this time!
Just finished watching Frozen 2 with my kids. I am convinced a Dad came up with the plot.
Because the moral of the story is >!"Everything will work out in the end... once you deal with the Dam problem!"!<
Gordan Ramsey just had his fifth kid
I guess we found something he likes raw
Some kid just threw a lump of cheddar at me...
I thought "that's not very mature "
Every time we go past a railroad crossing, I always tell my kids, "Hey, a train just went by!" They grudgingly ask, “How do you know daddy?”
“Because its tracks are still here!”
In the south, we like our kids just how like our burgers...
[meta] Does anyone else spend 15 minutes explaining things to their kids just to tell a 5 second joke?
Or is it just me? My eldest is 8 but I still had to show him what a zippo was before I laid the hippo/zippo one on him.
I’ve just been looking at our ceiling, kids, and while I wouldn’t say it’s the best in the world…
It’s definitely up there…
They neighborhood kids just started a band! They’re calling themselves 924mb.
They’re good, but they don’t have a gig yet.
I didn't think we'd ever have kids, but my boyfriend may have just changed that with his groantastic dadjoke.
I was playing with his hair and I wondered out loud what he'd look like with extremely short or buzzed hair.
He said, "Well I shaved my head once and didn't like it."
"Yeah but you didn't have a beard back then. I wonder if you could pull it off now."
"Well, I'd probably just cut it off."
......
My kids just got a new puppy that is scared of every appliance in the house, and one in particular. I suggested they name him “Nature.”
Because nature abhors a vacuum
Police were just at my house. Tried to tell me my dog was chasing a kid on a bike.
I just closed the door because my dog doesn’t even have a bike.
My friend just had three kids! He asked me what to name them. I said ‘James, Charles and Li Zhao’ He asked me why the last one was Li Zhao. So I said ‘Because every 3rd person born in this world is Chinese
Kids just don’t appreciate dad jokes.
12 year old’s fishing on a video game. I asked if he was fishing for something specific. He said no. I said “So you’re just fishing for the halibut?”
He just shook his head sadly. Kid doesn’t know what he’s missing. I’m freaking hilarious!
Follow up: I told him I was heartbroken that he didn’t like my joke. He said it was too cheesy. I said it may be fishy but it certainly wasn’t cheesy.
Sometimes it’s mom that has the best dad joke.
My kid just stacked some letter blocks like so:
F
F
U
T
S
S
I
H
T
You couldn't make this stuff up.
My kids hate it when I sing my favorite Michael Jackson song, but I just can't help it
...because I'm Dad! I'm Dad! You know it!
Just got home and my kids have lice
I just took my kids out skiing.
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