Jokes That Aren't Puns

or are they?

This would be a dad sub

my comedic tie, Ming."

But then I look back on the post that I have saved from a year ago that says otherwise.

Uno.

"I agree. They're odd funny!"

Wife: why do dad's have the worst jokes?

Me: It's a rule, dads have to have cringy jokes

Wife: Who makes those rules?

Me: The Dad Poet Society

Wife: groan

In my eyes, this sub has a serious problem with non-dadjoke posts. Sub-reddit rule #1 is "Jokes must be dad jokes.". What good are the rules if they aren't enforced? I do realize that what constitutes a dadjoke might not be clarely defined, but we get a lot of posts that are marked nsfw. That's a "This is not a dadjoke"-flag. Why not start with removing nsfw posts?

PS: Why do we have rule #6? It is not possible for a dadjoke to be nsfw, so it should never be relevant.

But it was only temporary.

(I see that image posts aren't allowed in this sub but gosh darn it, I earned this one. I throw myself on your mercy, mods.)
(Edit: Amazing, thank you for the silver, gold, and the platinum reward of Reddit: long self referential chains of bad jokes.)

<my 12 y.o. daughter> "What? What?"

-- I tell the joke --

<my daughter> --eyeroll-- "You need to stop laughing at jokes that aren't funny!"

Shortcake

(Sorry, I needed a cake related joke for my first year on reddit)

EDIT: For peoples saying elves aren’t small, I’m referring to the type of elf that would work for santa, not lord of the rings. I’m sure you get the idea.

Necessary Terminology: Toonie= Canadian $2 Coin

Friend's Facebook Status: "Laundromats aren't so bad when you find a toonie in the drier."

I commented: "If the drier cost $2, you could call it a wash!"

I was sort of proud of my dad-joke, so later that day, I told my dad the story.

Dad: "Do you think she'll be arrested?" Me: "No, why?" Dad: "For Money Laundering"

Our wedding is next weekend, and we are giving out personalized dice as our favours. We thought "thank you for coming" was a little too bland, and we'd like to spice it up with a dice pun. Any pun suggestions that also tie into the cutesy wedding/romantic setting? So far I've found "we make a great pair" and a lot of puns around the word "dicey", but I'm hoping you fine folks can help us out.

Edit: We are huge gamers which is why we went with the dice. This isn't a Vegas wedding or anything similar, so jackpot related jokes aren't quite what we're looking for. :)

EDIT: I am now closing applications and will make a decision in the next day or so. Thank you to everybody who applied - the general enthusiasm and support is wonderful to see.

( as this is a self post, I receive no karma - however I would appreciate it if you upvoted purely for visibility <3 )

Hey everybody,

The /r/dadjokes community is now over 85,000 subscribers strong. That's pretty great. Pretty super great.

Thus far, over the entire existence of this sub, I have been the only mod. Quietly watching, taking your feedback, removing a post here, approving another there - doing my best not to interfere too much. I'm going to be honest, it hasn't been that hard.

You lot are generally a pretty nice bunch, give or take a few of the more vocal lunatics. There isn't usually a lot of work to be done, or issues that need resolving.

That said, I'm not awake all the time. I can't lurk on Reddit all the time. I don't have all-seeing eyes.

So it's about time I gave another pair of eyes moderator status and entrusted those eyes with a duty of care.

Let's get down to the chase; here's what I'm looking for in an additional mod:

• You live in a very different timezone to Syd, AU - GMT+10
• You have a good sense of humour
• You're not in this purely to grow your 'net rep
• You're interested in being fair, and maintaining fairness
• You maintain civility in yourself and your responses at all times
• You have a bit of time every day to go through reports, spam, and post comments
• You understand that your moderatorship will initially be a trial, and can be revoked at any time if you aren't being magical and rad
• Some general CSS/subreddit formatting knowledge wouldn't go astray, but is not required

Here's what I am not looking for:

• Strong, cemented opinions about what constitutes a dad joke and what doesn't - everybody's dad and humour is different
• An overzealous post remover - I am not looking for an enforcer, the title moderator implies moderation
• A(nother) dictator - it is my preference that this subreddit be gently guided, and not forcibly ruled, we let the community find itself and we listen to what they say

If you wish to apply for the title and duty of being a moderator to /r/dadjokes, simply state your case (why you should be selected, what benefits or experience you bring, etc) in a comment reply to this thread. I will then get in touch with the most worthy seeming applicants. Upvotes and downvites will not be taken int

My boss is a good guy and a good boss, but he always says the same 5 or so jokes (he has two young kids). Anytime he pulls up to a job that we've been working on its "you aren't done yet?" or its "great job, but why are they upside down". Every time someone walks up to a job they get a loud "shhhh, here they come". I can go on and on, he has comedy routines for almost every situation.

So that's what I have to deal with.

Last weekend he took a mini-vacation, and brought me back a bottle of hot sauce (I'm something of a heatseeker) and the bottle was layer with all sorts of sexual innuendo that it'll get you hard and great at sex.

The other day I send him a text message around lunch time that only said "I have to go to the emergency room." Not 30 seconds pass and I get a phone call from him.

Boss: "What happened?"

Me: "Well, this morning I put some of that hot sauce you gave me on my eggs, and I've had an erection lasting more than four hours."

Boss: dryly "Ha. Ha. Haaa."

Meanwhile my coworker is dying of laughter and I'm trying to keep it together.

I've told everyone about this the past couple days.

… u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes

[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]

Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:

January:

1. Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes

2. Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes

3. An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes

February:

1. Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes

2. My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit... by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes

3. When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes

March:

1. I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes

2. Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes.

3. [When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da

I told my dad a joke that went something like this: "You know what they say about broken pencils. They're pointless!" and unfortunately he didn't laugh at my lame joke. So I said "C'mon dad, that was funny. I'm funny" and he says "Yeah, but looks aren't everything." Thanks, dad.

1. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

2. You have to rush Limbaugh!

3.My noodle soup doesn't taste that good. It really laksa certain quality.

4.I know its cheesy, but I feel grate!

5. can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

6.How did I escape Iraq? Iran.

7.What was Forrest Gump's email password? "1forrest1"

8.I CAN because I'm a CANadian!

9.I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

10.Never trust atoms, they make up everything.

11.Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.

12.There are plenty of fish in the sea but until I catch one I'm just stuck here holding my rod...

AND MY FAVOURITE! 13.I was at the scene of a crime, it took place at a cartoonists house, we couldnt find work though, it was sketchy.

IM STILL WORKING ON #12 Post your favourite/own pun in the comments, this will now be... Puntastic! Also OGRES ARE LIKE ONIONS! THEY HAVE LAYERS! Chow!

So I just realized that my "epic" theatre joke is also a dadjoke.

Now this requires some explaining before I get to the joke. I just completed my 55th theatre production - mostly community theatre; most designing and running sound, but I get on stage sometimes. A decade or so ago, I came up with a terrible pun. Told it, got groans, and promptly forgot about it.

A production or two later, someone said - "Hey, aren't you going to tell your joke?" It took a little prompting to remind me of it. Once I was reminded, I told the joke - to more groans.

I enjoyed the groans so much - and was touched that someone remembered the joke that I'd forgotten. So I did decide it was going to forevermore be: THE JOKE.

So the NEXT production, I started warning people that "The Joke" was coming. One or two remembered the previous time I'd told it, and reacted - "Oh god. Please no."

So now it has truly become a thing. Every production I'm in, I start reminding people that The Joke is coming, and the reactions from those who know the joke really help set up the anticipation.

So finally it happens. Most theatre productions I've been in run Fri-Sat-Sun performances. And thus, as I explain, I can only tell The Joke after the last Friday night's performance ends, and before the last Saturday's performance begins. It shifts if the days are different because The Joke depends on the number of remaining shows.

So, finally that time period comes, and I explain that I can only tell the joke during that time period, only the once per production - from auditions to strike - and that we're in that period of time.... which is known as.... the "cancer period". AND would you like to know WHY this period of time is known as the "cancer period"?

(at which point the tension for the punchline is usually quite palpable)

"Because we have...... TUMOR!" (as I hold up two fingers).

This is usually followed by shouts to "GET OUT!" and threats of violence against my person. hehehe

And the NEXT time, when I start warning that "The Joke" is coming, most of these groan "Oh god... no...." and helps set it up for the next poor bunch of folks who haven't yet heard it. :)

There's no whey they could have that much protein

You curdnt make a worse joke

Gordon rennet

I'm gonna loose my rind soon

Ewe, these puns are udderly ridiculous

You're milking it for all its worth

There's been a real montery lack of jokes recently

There's a real lactose of jokes recently

These jokes are starting to grate on me now

These jokes aren't gouda

Are you gonna put these on rennet?

I can't breelieve you're still making jokes

Dad, it's your turn, though you should have made a joke whey back

edayumDayumDAAAYUM

How much cheddar is the bill gonna be?

Hope these jokes made you truckle!

so I'm really interested in this girl, and she wanted to watch a movie with me at her place. I ask for her house address and the conversation is more or less this:

"oh my address is 747 blah blah blah st."

"I didn't know you lived on a jumbo jet!"

"That was awful."

"I know I'm sorry I was way out of line with that. It was a pretty plane and Boeing joke. I'm glad your feelings aren't up in the air about it though."

I might have heard a groan from twenty miles away.

Nurse: Aren't you hot in there?

Grandpa: I haven't gone to hell just yet.

Nurse: laughs Where are your feet?

Grandpa: At the end of me legs.

This was in 1998. He was bundled up in some blankets, and the nurse was about to change his socks. And yes, he said 'me legs'. Not sure if that qualifies as a dad joke exactly, but it's a fond memory.

My dad always told this joke when I was a kid and just curious to see if anyone's heard it:

So this piece of rope walks into a bar and says "Bartender, give me a whiskey"

Bartender says "we don't serve pieces of rope here, get out!"

so the piece of rope leaves and comes back and this scenario plays out 10 more times.

Finally the piece of rope slinks up to the bar and says "Bartender give me a whiskey!"

the Bartender denies him again and throws him out.

the piece of rope ties himself up, flares out his edges and strides back in one more time and shouts "Bartender give me a whiskey!"

the Bartender says "aren't you that same piece of rope I keep throwing out of here!"

Piece of Rope says "Nope, I'm afraid not" (a frayed knot)

My husband and I aren't planning on kids just yet, but he'll be great with the dad jokes if we ever have some.

A few weeks back, he called to ask if I needed anything from the store on his way home from work. I said no, and he followed that up with the random observation, "Hey, there's horses over there!"

I was initially confused, because the way he said it made it seem like they were in the road, and asked, "...what are they doing?"

There was a brief pause and he said, "Oh... just horsing around in a field."

I immediately hung up.

Edit: A word.

It was sometime last year that my girlfriend at the time and I were walking on a local public trail with her German Shepherd. She had always been very adamant about my jokes having a "dadness" to them but I always brushed it off until this day.

As we're walking, a lady and her two kids go to pass us going the other way on a narrow part of the trail and I say:

"Don't worry, she's friendly...(smirk level at maximum)...oh and the dog is too."

My girlfriend facepalms and the lady chuckles and says, "It's like we brought your father with us, huh kids?"

Girlfriend enthusiastically says, "See! Not funny dad jokes!"

From that day on I acknowledged my dad jokes as what they are but to this day I refuse to believe they aren't funny. And I guess that's my introductory post to this subreddit.

I liked this sub a lot more when there was less traffic and mostly just text submissions. Now half of what I see is just shitty facebook screens shots that are almost guaranteed to be fake and aren't even considered a 'dad joke'.

Anyone else notice how this sub has exploded over the past 2 or 3 months?

On a long car ride to the shore, I had to tell my younger brother to use his indoor voice to which he responded that we aren't indoors. My sister proceeded to count "1...2...3...4!" and said, "What are you talking about, we're inside the car and it has four doors." I made sure to let her know how proud I was of her and that I was happy someone other than myself made a dad joke.

My uncle took my friend and me to a movie. On the way in, my friend told a joke that wasn't that funny (I don't remember the joke now). I made fun of him for telling such a bad joke and my friend said "Hey, I'm pretty funny." My uncle replied with "looks aren't everything."

My lady friend and I were on the phone and it's that time of month for her. So I was making jokes about periods ("Menstrual jokes aren't funny. Period.") and she told me to stop. So she eventually gets to asking me about how our school schedule works.

"We're on block schedule."

"Oh. So you guys don't have periods?"

"No, but you do."

I died.

Me: Did you see that new documentary on Constipation?

The Dad: What?

Me: It hasn't come out yet...

The Dad: Hahaha. That's a hard one.

Me: lol, indeed

The Dad: That's straining.

Me: You're pushing it, [The Dad].

The Dad: I'm not even close to being finished yet!!

Me: You are really stuck on them, aren't you?

The Dad: I am just so impacted by all this.

Me: I just can't get a good joke out...

The Dad: Oh, It's out now... I just can't drop it.

Me: lol. You may be the king of puns...

The Dad: It's an over thirty Dad thing...

His Wife: Yeah, you are full of it.

My husband and I were sitting at the dinner table with our kids. He made a silly pun, I don't remember what it was. Then...

Me: That's it. I'm gonna start recording everything you say. At the end of the day I'll transcribe it and post it to /r/dadjokes because half the jokes you make are total dad jokes.

Husband: Aren't ALL the jokes I make technically dad jokes?

Sigh.