Jokes Involving Puns

If you know any payphone jokes/oneliners/puns or play on words involving payphones please leave it in the coments. I didn't have a quarter to call anyone who cared so I ringed up redit.

But I couldn't think of a tacky punchline.

We are cooking them tonight and I need some ammunition

Facebook post:

We've only been dating a little less than 6 months, in high school, and she's already serving me dinner for the 4th time.

His comment (Father of 4 kids):

I've heard of second breakfast, but fourth dinner? Aren't you full yet?

My wife was complaining about how i'm not spontanious or creative, unless it involves terrible jokes, so i went out and got a tattoo (my first one). But since im not very creative i had them tattoo a pic of my thermos from work. I went home all excited and showed her my new tattoo! She was really confused about it. She looked at it for awhile and when she went to touch it i yelled at her not to touch the thermos tat. I think she's leaving me now :(

People who make bad puns should be pun-ished.

Hi everyone! I need some dad jokes involving ghosts and poker for a dungeons and dragons campaign I'm doing. Thanks in advance to all you that have some!

The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son replies “I just did some homework.” The robot slaps the son. The son then says “Okay, okay. I was at my friends house watching a movie.”

Dad asks “What movie were you watching?” The son replies “Finding Nemo”. The robot slaps the son. He then sais “Okay, okay. We were watching porn”

Dad said “What?! At your age I didn’t know what porn was.” The robot slaps the father. Mom laughs and says “Wow. He certainly is your son.”

The robot slaps the mother.

Update: Thanks for all your applications! Give /u/parin89 and I a few days to take a look and confer!
(if you haven't put your application in yet, you've still got time)

-

Greetings /r/dadjokes subscribers,

Years have passed since this sub started up, and there are now literally millions of you. Whoa.

Two million people is just two many two handle for two moderators. Especially these days, when both /u/parin89 and I have two many other responsibilities and a whole lot less time. I'm 200% sure most of you would agree that more mods are needed.

So we're looking for 5 more moderators to get involved. If you're keen to apply, read the rest of this post and answer the three questions in your comment response.

Answer these 3 questions in your reply:

1. How would you describe a dad joke?
2. Do you currently moderate any other subreddits? If yes, which ones.
3. You see a post that is not breaking the rules or reddit's posting guidelines, but is generally disliked by the community. What do you do?

Only apply if:

• You're a reasonable, fair-minded and patient human
• You're in it to keep this community a happy, friendly and safe place for other humans
• You've got previous mod experience from a decent sized community (let's say... 5k+)
• You're cool with the first few months being a trial run
• You understand that while we could use more active moderation, and would benefit from a few more rules, one of the things that makes this community great is that it's pretty open (after all, dad jokes repeat a lot and not every "repost" is necessarily an opportunistic attempt to game karma)

We'd benefit from a few practical things as well, it would be great if:

• You live in a timezone that covers off either the USA, the UK, Australia (we'd like a spread)
• You've got some automod experience
• You've got some sub-customisation experience

Don't apply if:

• You're ready to come out swinging with a power tripping ban hammer
• You're more concerned about Internet points than real people

We'll leave this stickied for a week and then come back to message a few people and make some selections.

...apparently, the survivors are marooned.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYEEEEEEEEE

6 never did trust 7. Sure, they worked closely together, but 7 always seemed at odds with him. 6 always preferred the company of 4, a perfect 10 of a duo, even though 2 kept them apart. But when it came to 7? 6 always summed it up to bad luck. Then, 6 found the truth. 6 respected 9, even though lewd jokes always seemed to be made about the two. 6 found that 3 and himself could come together and be seen as equal to 9. When 9 was removed, 6 had a very negative feeling. Some were considered prime suspects in 9’s death. 2, 3, 5, and 7. 6 knew it had to be 7. His involvement with 9 added up two well. 6 snuck into 7’s house. He looked up from the floorboards, and found himself under 7. An admittedly inappropriate position for him, but 6 saw the proof he wanted: 9’s body, half devoured. 7 was a cannibal... 7 8 9. 6 has spent the remainder of his days terrified of 7, worried that someday 7 will learn what 6 knows... And promptly solve his problem.

I need as many puns/jokes involving the name Emma as possible. I realize this isn't exactly what this sub is for, but I am desperate.

I'm making a video game involving snakes and I'd like a random snake pun/joke to appear on each loading screen. Help Plz! I'll credit r/puns in the game.

Next week the museum I work at begins a three-week run of what we call Bubblefest. There will be bubbles everywhere, a bubble laser show, all kinds of exhibits and interactive shows explaining some of the science involved with bubbles. So I need some jokes and puns to replace the old standby of "my pop is bigger than your pop!"

It usually took him about a minute to tell this joke because he would start laughing every time.

What did the man say when he saw a herd of elephants coming? Here come the elephants.

What did the man say when he saw a herd of elephants coming with bags on their heads? Nothing. He didn't recognize them.

Starting on the 1st of December and running until the 10th, /r/dadjokes will be self-post only. This 10 day trial is being conducted to measure the overall effect on post quality. We hope to see a reduction in posts that exist purely for karma-gaming, and an increase in posts that represent our favourite dad jokes and stories.

This is not a ban on images. You may still link to pictures within your self-post - but you will no longer receive karma for doing so. Also as a suggestion try and be witty about it, don't just post pictures as the only content in the post. If there is a story behind it (involving your dad or anyones dad) then give that more of a preference and use the picture as a supporting arm for the joke, remember to be nice and the punnier the better.

As always, we're open to hearing your thoughts on the matter - and this thread will be stickied for the 10 days so that you can pop in and let us know how you feel the trial is going.

For the most part, they're whisk-free.

In the late '60s the government was developing ARPANET and the developers were trying to find a way for users on the system to communicate with each other.

The scientists involved came up with an electronic messaging system that they called the Tickle.

Tickles could be used to send important code updates, meeting invitations, or even just little jokes all along the network.

The DOD heard about these Tickles and asked for a briefing to determine their military potential. At a high-level meeting of generals and admirals, the lead developer presented the Tickle concept.

The ranking General asked for a demonstration and the lead scientist said "Sure, I'll send you a test Tickle."

And that's how E-mail was born.

Most dad jokes on this subreddit involve a pun, but is that a requirement to be a dad joke?

While we were working together, I passed some gas. This conversation immediately followed:

Dad: Did you say something?

Me: No, but there is an asshole behind me talking shit.

Apparently he had never heard this joke, and he couldn't stop laughing for a good minute. It's usually pretty hard to get him to laugh. But we both love lame jokes and it really surprised me he has never heard it.

I know it's probably not a dad joke per se, but Dad/Grandfather to my child was involved so it should still count.

TLDR: farted and said "there's an asshole behind me talking shit"

I was wearing a shirt with a joke involving a sheep on it.

Dad reads it, "wow, that's pretty bhaaaaad"

A true inspiration.

This is the story of a dad joke gone horribly (wonderfully) awry.

Early last week, I posted a status about my morning misadventures, which involved me accidentally putting face moisturizer on my toothbrush. This morning, my father reads this and decides to comment, "That's why I keep prep h in the cupboard." But he doesn't comment on my status. He writes this on my wall, without any context at all for innocent bystanders.

Me and my friends were talking about the amount of schoolwork I'll be involved next semester. One of the courses I am taking is a Spanish class to fulfill a GE so I can graduate next semester. My friend, who's fluent in Spanish, told me it'll be a piece of cake.

Me: Hey, if Spanish is easy for you, do you think you can write my essays for me? (jokingly)

Him: I'll consider it. Depends on how hard the course is and what books you have to read for the class.

Me: Well, for the final paper, do you think you can give me a C, ese?

Him: Yeah, that shou... wait...

He let out a horrible groan while the other immediately got up and left the room while groaning. I'm pretty sure I could've made it a little bit better, but I'm happy with that.

My maths teacher was demonstrating a 'How to calculate the speed of something when the distance is x and the time is y' type question which involved a bike. It is the first lesson after break-time on Monday morning, so most of us (the students) were dozing off. The maths teacher notices this and begins the 'jokes..'

"I know you're all tired, but you just had brake and I have spoke to you all about not being lethargic in class.

Cue awkward laughter

This is actually a two-in-one deal as both my step dad and dad were involved with the joke. My family and I were watching my sister's basketball game and one of her teammates hit her head on the court.

Stepdad: "She looks disoriented I guess she's seeing double."

Dad: "So every basket should count as 4 points."