Proud dad moment. Joke from my soon to be 6 year old daughter. β€œHow did the bee get to school?”

β€œOn the buzzzzz.” So proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hardcoredad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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hehehe bee joke
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheHawkNetwork
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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People always say I'm wasting my time telling bee jokes...

But the truth is, bee comedians make a pheromone of money.

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πŸ“…︎ May 26 2018
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Need A Pun Joke! Going to be in a spelling bee, need a name.

I figured who better to ask about a silly pun than the good folks over here at /r/dadjokes? I'm going to be in a spelling bee and I need a good name that matches up with a good costume theme. To give examples these are my two previous iterations:

"Punktuation" - Dressed as punk rockers

"Bee Me Up, Scotty!" - Dressed as Star Trek officers

If anyone has a good idea let me know and I will post pics from the event on October 24th. If you don't care to help then...umm...continue being dads.

EDIT FOR CLARITY: People are making some great suggestions for names, but I should have clarified that this is for a team of 3 people. So proper names are not really going to work...stick to the format I have described in this post!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sexpressed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2015
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A joke told to me by a friend's child. How do bees get to school?

They take the buzzz

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nelesh01
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...

"Swarm."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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I got an vinyl album of wasp sounds the other day. Played it, didn’t sound anything like wasps!

Then I realised I was playing the bee side.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheifsup
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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I had a joke about the silent bees

But I doubt you would get it, it's to subtle

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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What did the sushi say to the bee?

Wasabi

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DCUB3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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A giant fly has attacked the local police...

Police have called SWAT team.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coffeeaficionado_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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I throw up whenever i hear a joke

It's a gag reflex

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArkoAvarsalu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on their knees to check their reflexes.

He really gets a kick out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. β€œThat’s one too many!” says the customer.

The clerk replies β€œIt’s a freebie”

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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Gets them every time
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Icantevenread24
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
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What do you call a bee who can’t make up his mind?

A maybe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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Who decided to call them β€œmurder hornets”

and not β€œbuzzkills”?

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πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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What do you call a bee from America?

A USB

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThaRedditAddict
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use honeycombs!

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
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I went into a pet shop and told the owner that i want twelve bees

He handed me thirteen and said "last one is a freebie"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zapyre
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee.

*insert laugh track here*

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Froxaii
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
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Thought you guys would like these
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gunner3054
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
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What kind of insect is hard to understand?

A Mumble-bee. I work in the Garden Center at a DIY store and this joke is the best I can come up with ATM lol.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearinthegarden14
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
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Bee keepers have the prettiest eyes

Because beauty is in the eye of the bee holder

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cunt_Puffin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2017
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Once I told a joke about mosquitos...

It was malarious

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MoustachePig43
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
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What do you call bears with no ears?

B

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2016
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514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims!

Get it?

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BadAndNationwide
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2016
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Where did Noah keep the bees

In the ark hives.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OthelolzNZ
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2016
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I'm very good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet...

I don't know why.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BKCrazy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2014
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zpiderz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2014
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My dad was somehow prepared to drop this once in a lifetime line...

The circumstances for this joke were so specific I don't think it will ever be repeated.

Yesterday morning I stopped by my parent's house and my mom had just made coffee. She buys "raw unfiltered honey" from a local farmers market to sweeten the coffee. First she handed my dad his cup, then she was about to put a spoonful of honey in mine when she stopped and said "there's something in this honey!"

I looked at it and it was literally a bee's hairy little leg. I looked in the jar and found one more. I said "its no big deal, im sure its fine", then I picked out the legs. Just then my dad takes a big sip and makes an "Ahhh" sound like he's satisfied. He then holds up the cup and smiles at us like he's in a 1950's Folgers commercial and says "This coffee is the BEE'S KNEES!"

It was epic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robinson217
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2014
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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So little Johnny was stung by a bee…

And he ran inside screaming "Mommy mommy I've been stung by a bee!"

So Johnny's mother says, "Oh calm down, lets put some cream on it"

At this Little Johnny replies "But how? It must be miles away by now!"

Badum Tsssss

My dad absolutely LOVES this joke, and he tells it to EVERYBODY, at first some people look at him confused but after a second or two everybody gets it and laughs, I swear to god Every. Damn. Time. And I love it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Winter_Chills
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2017
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Got dad joked by a stranger at Home Depot possibly my future self

As I was leaving the Home Depot today an elderly man likely in his 70's approached me and said,

"Hey young man I want to tell you something, you how they always see bees flying around gas stations?"

I didn't but I wanted to leave so I said "yes"

He says "Well they found out the bees are using the bathroom while they're flying around the gas station... And you know what their favorite gas station is?"

I say "Ummm nope"

He says "BP! Bee pee! You get it!"

I got a good laugh at that one and for some strange reason I feel that some number of years from now I will be trolling the Home Depot parking lot making Bee Pee jokes and someone will send me back in time to save dad joking for future generations and I will tell myself that joke for the first time today...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimillett
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2016
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"Dad, I want to keep bees..."

Today I sent my dad a text, proclaiming my desire to start keeping bees when I move into my new house next month. Below is a transcript of our text conversation:

Me: Dad, I want to start beekeeping at the new house.

Dad: I tried that once, but I broke out in hives.

Dad: Must be allergic

Dad: Not sure how to keep bees, but I'm sure we could bumble our way through it.

Dad: Don't know where you get bees so we'll have to comb the area for them.

Me: I thought if I ignored you this would stop.

Me: ...now I'm SKEP-ticle

Dad: Lol! Good one! Now I'm all abuzz with new ideas.

Me: Nope. We are done.

As an aside, my wife is pregnant, and I'm soon going to be a father. Clearly the dad joking begins during the first trimester.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Riickroll
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2015
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Just had this back and forth with my co-worker. Her husband works in explosives.

Me: seems appropriate for you and yours: http://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/32gzy7/what_was_the_secret_to_the_miners_success/ Her: That’s a dynamite answer! Me: I noticed the explosion of laughter over there Her: Rock on! Me: gold-standard of jokes here Her: so precious Me: digging deep on that one Her: pickin away one at a time Me: we have definitely hit the pay dirt of mining puns Her: definite Honey Hole here! Me: not sure that joke bee-longs here Her: you are a total BUZZZZZZ kill Me: comb on it wasn’t that bad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gabeanzelini
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2015
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Dancer Names

As a father of three, by far my favorite Dad Joke has to be claiming things as my "Dancer Names". I have at least one or two a week.

It's whenever someone says something in conversation which sounds like it could be a Stripper name. Off the top of my head, here are some I've used:

"Yummy Cupcakes", "Pansy Taboo", "Stamen Fuzz", "Dark Almond", "Squeeze Bacon", "Bolt Upright"

I'll often follow it up with a hint as to what that show may just be like.

Guy on television: "The bee is now covered in stamin fuzz..."

Me: "'Stamen Fuzz' is my dancer name. Quite a show; not for the allergic."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaveboNutpunch
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2014
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Grandma's still sharp

My grandma is 85. She suffers from Parkinson's and sleeps about 16 hours a day, but her dad joke is still sharp (as I found out earlier). While discussing my cousin's bee-keeping with my mum:

Mum: '...what? I didn't know Buff makes honey' Grandma: 'He doesn't. ...the bees do'

She proceeded to grin smugly, appreciating my mother's sigh. I proudly enjoyed the ensuing silence. Well played, grandma.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gullsfan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2014
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My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...

"Swarm."

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
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What is the scariest kind of bee?

A boo-bee

my daughter and I came up with that joke like 5 years ago, when she was 7, I still laugh at it and get people to laugh at it all the time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OgreBarberian
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2017
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