A list of puns related to "J Date"
I just want to know the cutoff date.
Because it's only the first date
Date : "But you already own her home"
A CALENDAR HAS DATES.
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
I wanted to date my math teacher to have a chance of looking at her tan lines. But I cant, cos its was a sin.
Two palms, no dates.
Chernobyl fallout.
(very dated, but still makes me chuckle)
I told her Michael Boob-lay
She wasn’t as sad anymore (or much sadder since she realized how dumb the person she’s dating is). Happy new year everybody
They were carbon dating
It's called carbon dating.
Because his date was latte.
What did Sophocles call his dating service in Ancient Greece?
Oedipal Arrangements.
Her: What can I do for you?
Me: I'm looking for a date.
Her: Oh, what kind of dates?
Me: Uhmm, just dinner and a movie :)
Date: So, what do you do?
Me: * holds up menu * you just pick one from this picture book of meals.
It wasn't our first date but was the one that stuck in my head.
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
Because they're dating other people/Because they keep bringing up the past.
It's not proper to kiss on a first date
He whispered to his date, “I have toupeé.”
I'm creating a drinking game where every important event equals to drinking, but I am nowhere close to NAMING my drinking game. A friend of mine recommended this subreddit, saying that people drop some really punny puns here. Give your ideas for a title, I think up to 6 words would be okay.
Let's see what you can do!
What you need to know about the game:
That's basically it.
Oh, wait! Yes you are, that's why you are online dating.
I use the date of birth of a person I know. For example from Margarete von Henneberg. Nobody knows her. So how should someone get my password 1234?
A man-date mandate
I just saw an ad for a dating app before Sam Smiths, I Want Something to Die for, song. Guess that’s the after effect for using dating apps, who knew
"The earliest example of a prosthesis ever discovered is not a leg, arm, or even a fake eye, it’s a toe. A big toe, belonging to a noblewoman, was found in Egypt and dated to between 950-710 B.C.E"
...the very, very first faux toe ;)
Non pun related, the egyptians were the first to grind lenses too, not used as glasses but instead inserted into statues for creepy eye effects
Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal? Because he would have to convert.
Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average? It was a mean thing to say!
Why was the math book depressed? It had a lot of problems.
Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated? Because it is never right.
Why can you never trust a math teacher holding graphing paper? He must be plotting something.
Why was the equal sign so humble? Because she knew she wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.
What do you call the number 7 and the number 3 when they go out on a date? The odd couple
What do you call a number that can’t stay in one place? A Roamin’ numeral.
Did you hear the one about the statistician? Probably.
What do you call dudes who love math? Algebros.
I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig. I’ll even do statistics. But graphing is where I draw the line!
Why should you never talk to Pi? Because she’ll go on and on and on forever.
Why are parallel lines so tragic if they have so much in common? It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.
What’s the best way to flirt with a math teacher? Use acute angle.
Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers? They’d stop at nothing to avoid them.
How do you stay warm in any room? Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight ("ate") nine!
Why DID seven eat nine? Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why does nobody talk to circles? Because there is no point.
"...date it."
Your golden skin. The way you smelled like heaven. The way you felt in my hands. The way the sun glistened on you. How everyone loved you. You were never expensive on a date. You looked good with anything on. I will miss you pizza slice that fell into the sand
A bad project manager makes up dates.
A man and a woman were on their first date.
“So, I hear you hunt deer,” the woman said.
The man looked away and turned red.
“What’s wrong?” asked the woman.
The man bashfully replied, “I’m not used to someone calling me ‘dear’ on the first date.”
Forked on the first date.
Since he started dating, his girlfriend would chastise him to great lengths everytime he felt the need to fart.
After they got married, the situation was maintained. He couldn't possibly fart near his wife. Sometimes he had to leave the house, just to pass some gas.
When he was really old, he died peacefully during in his sleep while lying on his back. She called the undertaker, so the arrangements for the funeral could be made.
When the undertaker rolled the man of the bed, there was a massive fart. The undertaker looked to the now widow to see how she was going to react, but she simply said:
"No need to chastise him anymore. Hee can RIP in Peace!"
"Yes, it is really nice." She said cheerfully
"Oh no, I don't agree with Dates, too many bad experiences for me" I said with a smirk ear to ear.
"Oh, really? Why is that?" She asked.
Calmly I said, "They all end badly."
Incorrectly assuming something is a date
There aren't any good candied-dates.
A man-date
They get a due date.
Quarantine has us missing our date nights out so I’m cooking a special dinner while she has an appointment and I’m going to turn our kitchen into a restaurant. Or even just some NOLA / bayou pun names would be good.
Would love a little help
Date: that's fair
Now I’m just dating myself
Their wedding invitation for next October told me to "save the date", and rsvp yes or no.
I replied "10-4".
So I asked her out on a date for the weekend but to let me know by Friday if she had to can salami.
(Cancel on me)
He's a comma dating.
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
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If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.
A calendar has dates..... Ba Dum Tissss
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