It Coffee Puns

She drinks it and goes: “Ugh, this tastes like dirt.”

He responds: “Well, honey, it was just ground.”

That’s the last time I have a dark roast.

I asked if it was that good, his smile faded and he looked me dead in the eye as he said no, its fucking close to water. He poured it down the drain without losing focus and walked out of the kitchen

It's still brewing

Better latte than never I suppose

It's been roasted before

I told him "It was just ground this morning."

Does that make me a hip stirrer?

Yup, it’s right there in Hebrews.

I went full sexist pig, “YOU'RE in charge of cooking around here woman and YOU should do it, because it's YOUR job and I can just wait for my coffee.”

She replied coldly, “No, YOU should do it and besides, it's in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”

I guffawed, “I can’t believe that, show me!”

So she fetched the Bible and opened to the New Testament and showed me the top of several pages, that it indeed says, “HEBREWS!”

The man frowns. “What do you mean it’s a secret? What’s the special today? Is it a latte?”

The barista shakes her head.

“A mocha?”

She shakes her head again.

“Oh, come on! Tell me! A cappuccino?”

She shakes her head.

“An affogato?”

She shakes her head.

The man is getting frustrated at this point. “Can you at least give me a clue!?”

The barista thinks for a moment, then points at a jar on the counter. “Ok, the special is in this jar.”

“What is it?”

“I can’t tell you. It’s a secret.”

The man, enraged at this point, tries to grab the jar.

The barista grabs it too.

They fight for control and the man wretches it away only for the jar to fall on the ground and its contents spill out onto the floor.

The man stares, “It’s just been normal coffee this whole time?!”

The barista shrugs, “I guess you spilled the beans.”

It doesn't taste anything like coffee.

I am not an Indian giver...

...I take that back.

My wife says this is grounds for divorce...

Turns out it was fresh ground.

The beans are ground.

Mugging :D

Only when it's ground.

Grounds for divorce.

You could say it lost its temper.

As my wife was taking out 1 yr old upstairs for a nap she requested, "can you dump out my coffee? It tastes like tea". This is what I saw when I dumped her coffee out:

https://imgur.com/gallery/11r9U

Does it still count as a dad joke if it's executed by a mom?

One is cannabis. The other is a can of piss.

He told me they had to get his mug shot and everything.

It was pretty crappe.

As protocol, we always recommend that the client turns off their laptop after a spill.

My boss walks by and says "You know, she's gonna have to put her laptop to sleep but now it won't be able to!"

Hebrews

I prefer my coffee ground.