Is Is Puns

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Edit: Thank you fellow internet strangers for all the awards!

So I packed up my stuff and right.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

Dad: Why would I want two empty glasses?

That has left scientists scratching their heads.

Sir Render

So today, a subreddit.

BF- “ Our relationship is what? Over.”

Now I have stable wifi.

...Until my wife gives birth that is. Only three more months to go!

A shoe.

different

If it was a guy it would be the misterssippi River.

....

It was a shitzu.

EDIT: For those who say it's "stolen", i had no idea. A friend of mine told me this one yesterday and i just had to post it. That's it :)

A stick!

Because he conditions it.

Because if it were served warm it would be justwater

Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean

https://preview.redd.it/n7zvpwxkj6m51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=54f0549ebd3c055929698d6fef3bc05782bf5282

not what you think

I told her to study hard.

But for real. We are trying for our first and need good vibes.

Edit it is a parent all my jokes are now dad jokes Edit 2: thank you all! This made my wife's day since were waiting to tell family

He doesn’t drink, it's just that he's really bad at crossword puzzles...

Monday is a week day.

Knee on yellow.

You'd be hiding something in plane site.

“No, it’s easy as 1,1,2, 3.”

Because I want to know

He’s an imi-tater...

Because 2022 is 2020, too

Blew!

... I told her that in medieval days, people were named Lance a lot.

A bee sea? Aw hell no

You must be built backwards because your feet smell and your nose runs.

Good. I'd vote for it over Trump or Biden any day.

His real name is William New Year’s Eve.

It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

I chose Mask It or Casket

Me: Uncle-biotics!

Yousoearly

Plastic explosives.

You’re very handsome.

... I said it's just a British person taking a good look at something.

Because it 8 and 8 and 8.

Sailing is a path to the dockside

No honey... it’s for storing our valuables.

Art Art Art Art!!!

He's coming down with a cold one

Working title is called Fast 10: Your Seatbelt

He really gets a kick out of it.

My mam saw a channel on the telly called the Deja Vu channel so she asked my dad what it was.

He replied with ‘I’m not sure but I swear I’ve seen it before’

He’s now pissing himself laughing and mam doesn’t get it

But sometimes I wish I would've known my real-ladder.

And I have a Czech one too. A Czech one too.

Sometimes he even laughs.

Person: Yes, that's assault.

Me: Yes I know it's a salt, but is it a crime?

a 𝜋-thon

Onya, the inventor of the starting pistol

I said “No sun”

It’s just a mythunderstanding.

...Australians usually boo meringue

A brick.

Straw-berry 🥳🤠

"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."

Apparently they want to make America grate again.

But don’t worry, he’s in stable condition.

When it's ajar.

I paused for a second while I thought and said, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”

So I packed up my stuff and right

Different