Ebay is so useless
I searched for lighters but ti only came up whith 14,852 matches
Why is six afraid of seven?
7 was a well known 6 offender
If Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God
Does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?
A reporter interviewed a 103-year old woman: “And what is the best thing about being 103?” the reporter asked.
The woman simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
A little boy ran up to me " please help, my Dad is in a fight " I followed and we came across two men fighting. I said, " Ok, which one is your Dad ? " ..
.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
My best friend gave me this today because I'm obsessed with pigs & it is the best card I've ever gotten.
reddit.com/gallery/lkaalp
Barack Obama went to a costume party giving his wife a piggyback. Someone asks what he is and says "I'm a snail!"
"That's M'Shell on my back!"
One impeachment is bad, but two impeachments
That’s just unpresidented
Is this sub still active?
Haven't seen anyone post all year!
(Happy New Year from Australia everyone!)
Lance is an uncommon name nowdays
But in mediaeval times people were called lance a lot
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
My daughter told me Jim Morrison is overrated.
I told her not to slam The Doors in my house.
This is the... wait, what?
What is an Air Fryer's favorite food? (Courtesy of my 6 year old)
Air-vrything.
I'm so proud.
Why is dark spelled with a K?
Because you can't c in the dark.
Why is 6 afraid of 7? (The answer is not what you're thinking)
Not what you're thinking.
Whst is 3/7 chicken, 2/3 cat and 2/4 goat ?
The wife and I were at the marriage counselor. "Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?" The marriage counselor asked glaring at me.
I look at my wife frustratingly and shout "You never even told me you sold flowers!?"
Someone told me Trumps last order as president is to outlaw shredded cheese.
Hmm guess he wants to make America grate again 🤔
This pun is a Cut above the rest
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?”
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
I admit it’s a repost, but this pun is just a sin... Please let me know if you get it!!!
Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
I think my wife is covering my rifle collection with glue.
She's denying it, but I'm sticking to my guns.
This is my best pick-up line
I heard the Kool Aid man is starting a baseball team.
A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3 in the Bahamas
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
"Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing." I said to my wife.
She said, "Wear your own then, dickhead."
Adjective for metal is metallic
But not so for iron which is ironic
What is the difference between a radius and a diameter?
I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, “Is it to scale?” I replied, “No…”
Did you know that Diarrhea is hereditary?
What is the opposite of a croissant?
Justice is a dish best served cold...
If it were served warm it would be justwater.
Do you know what the opposite of ladyfingers is?
This is how you make neon geen.
I hadn’t used my main in around a year but had a reason to burro back in my post history... I had forgotten about this, and I don’t mean to brag but this is the single greatest post I’ve ever made on reddit.
It is rumored that the worst secretaries have typo blood.
Our cemetery is really getting crowded.
Seems people are just dyin to get into it.
My iphone is only responding to Shirley instead of Siri.
I forgot I left it in Airplane mode.
What is the audience for dad jokes?
My biology teacher is a pun legend
Given to my friend who is a woodworker
Why is six afraid of seven?
Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness.
Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary. Six is afraid of Seven because he is a damn psychopath.
Why is yoda afraid of 7?
Because six, seven eight.
Why is dark written with a K not a C?
Because you can't C in the dark
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