What should you say to a vampire who’s in denial?

Wake up and smell the coffin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/quetrelle33
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2021
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My girlfriend’s mom is so deep in denial.

She might as well be Egyptian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RicanSlayer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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My therapist said I was in denial, but I refuse to believe that.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HowManyMonkeys
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2018
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Daniel is in denial

Really, it is or do you need me to spell it out for you?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotMetheThree
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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There’s no β€œi” in denial.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cjborange
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
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I went swimming in a river in Paris and my friend went swimming in a river in Cairo. He said I was insane, but I told him he was in denial.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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There's no I in denial.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StraightBollocks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
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I was in denial of my grandma dying until the wake. But then I saw her face.

Now I’m a bereaver.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
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My dad was giving me a hard time and I said I wasn't in denial

"That's right, you must be in da Mississippi"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AJHubbz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2014
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Looks like denial won't be a river in Egypt anymore. (x-post from geopolitics) news.nationalgeographic.c…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ksings
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2013
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HELP. My father is in denial, he doesn't believe "dadjokes" are a thing.

He thinks he made them up, and he is hilarious.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whaticansee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2014
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So my mom and I were watching tv

And in the show the woman is struggling with denial.

Me: Man she is just in denial.

Mom: Yup, denial is hard.

I nod. Long pause.

Mom: Yeah it's weird because you'd think it would be soft because it's water.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2022
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Egyptian holiday

Went on holiday to Egypt, I told my psychiatrist about it and how I had been swimming in a large River I couldn't remember the name of. I am unsure why he didn't believe me, all he kept on saying was I was in denial.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/orcamarine
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2021
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The Pharaoh's Mother In Law

Why did the pharaoh refuse to admit he let a pyramid fall on his mother in law?

He was denial at the time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KNexus20
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2021
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My friend refused to admit that he couldn't catch any African fish.

He was in denial.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarthEwok42
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
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My father was in the army...

And I remember he used to be stationed in exotic places all over the world. Once he came back home with a very exotic looking bird. I asked him what kind of a bird it was and he told me it’s a rare almost extinct species called a Foux (pronounced Foo). This foux was the apple of his eye and he would take care of the bird as if it was his own child. Sometime during this period the Foux began developing a real bad case of constipation and my father was really worried about it. He tried all kinds of medicines to make the Foux pass it’s bowels, but nothing was working. One day, during this period, I woke up to a huge argument taking place between my parents. My mom was accusing him of cheating on her during one of his tours, she had found some pictures of him and another woman and he was denying it vehemently. I realized then that my father had been quite the philanderer and this wasn’t the first time he had been caught. My mom was trying to get him to just admit to his indiscretion.

β€œWhy don’t you just admit it Harry”, she said;

but he stuck to his denial,

β€œYou think I could ever do something like this Sarah”, he said.

Right then amidst all this ruckus, the Foux began to take a dump, in the middle of the living room.

My mom looked at the bird, then looked back at my dad and with a sense of resignation she just said β€œWell if the Foux shits...”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RangaRedRascal
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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I tried to tell the Egyptian that he was drowning

But he was in denial

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πŸ‘€︎ u/faceoftheancients
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2016
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My friend went to Egypt and claimed he never swam in a river.

I showed him a picture and he's still in denial.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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Remember kids,

There's no "I" in "denial"

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?

She was in denial

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPosket
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
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My spirit animal is the crocodile

I live in denial.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElZoof
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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Egyptians aren't very good at getting through the stages of grief

They always swim in denial

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
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What country has the leaders that are slowest to accept change?

Egypt. They’re in denial.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Epiphany81964
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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The Nile crocodile thinks it is an alligator...

Because it is in denial.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SumerWar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
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My friend still refuses to admit his house is in an egyptian river!

He is living in denial.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/karlal
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
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We must be in egypt

Because you’re in denial!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/big_boi_gappy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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Two friends go on a vacation to Africa together

They come across the river. The one friend jumps in and exclaims β€œwow the water here in Kenya is so clear!” The other man replies β€œwhat are you talking about we’re not in Kenya! We’re in Egypt.” The friend in the water says β€œno I’m absolutely sure that this is a Kenyan river.” His friend sighs β€œdude it’s an Egyptian river...you’re in denial”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dickdackduck
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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Star Wars Puns

From movie puns we provide you the funniest collection of Star Wars puns

What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber? A Sith-Kabob!


Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns? So it doesn’t Hang Solow!


Why shouldn’t you ask Yoda for money? Because he’s always a little short


What program do Jedi use to view PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi


What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi


What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets? Wookieeleaks


What do you call a Jedi in denial? Obi-Wan Cannot Be


Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing? At the Darth Maul


Greg: Which Star Wars character travels around the world? Craig: Who? Greg: Globi-wan Kenobi!


Matthew: What does a Star Destroyer wear to a wedding? Daniel: What? Matthew: Bow ties, of course!


Deen Why was the droid angry? Mark: Why? Deen People kept pushing its buttons.


Luke: Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road? Lei Not sure. Luke: To get to the Dark Side.


Darth Vader: I know what you’re getting for Christmas. Luke: How do you know? Darth Vader: I can feel your presents.


What do Whipids say when they kiss? Ouch.


What is a jedi’s favorite toy? A yo-yoda


What do you call a pirate droid? Argh2-D2


Where does Jabba the Hutt eat? Pizza Hutt


What is Jabba the Hutt’s middle name? β€œThe” Why is Han Solo a loner? Because he’s solo.


What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi What do you call a Sith who won’t fight? A Sithy.


What time is it when Darth Vader steps on your chronometer? Time to get a new chronometer.


What do you call a pirate droid? Arrrrgh-2-D2


Which side of a wookie has the most hair? The outside.


Where does Jabba eat dinner? Pizza Hutt


Who do Jedi call to help open PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi


What do you call someone that tries to be a Jedi? Obi-Wannabe


What do you call a bounty hunter from Alabama? Bubba Fett


What time is it when Jabba the Hutt sits on your blaster? Time to get a new blaster! Why is Luke


Skywalker always invited on picnics? He always has the forks with him.


Which imperial officer hated Thanksgiving? Grand Moff Turkeyn


What do you call stormtroopers playing Monopoly? Game of Clones


Why did

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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I saw Tutankhamen yesterday and said β€œHey, your hair looks wet”...

He was in denial.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Teraphin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2018
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I used to have a hard time admitting I went to Egypt.

I was in denial.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattTheProgrammer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2017
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With just a small re-ordering in the letters, the joke could have become:

"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.... It's also a mountain in Alaska".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/prufessor
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2015
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Discussing the fallic household with my mother and father.

My mother has given birth to 5 boys, no girls, of which I am the oldest. Sitting at dinner after two of my younger brothers duked out, my mother begins...

"There are too many penises in this house!"

Dad replied, "Oh, you're just jealous."

"No, I'm not. I much prefer my boobs."

"Sounds like you're in denial."

I chimed in, "Don't you mean penile?"

I was rewarded with a hearty chuckle from my father and a roll of the eyes from my mother. The signs of a good days work.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotYourLocalCop
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2014
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Was telling my dad about Jacksonville...

Me: did you know that the St. John's is one of two rivers in the world to flow north the other one is the Nile.

Dad: I thought denial was when you didn't admit to something.

Me: groans on groans on groans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rockledgeskater
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2014
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My dad doesn't believe us when we tell him he snores.

My brother was telling my dad how he could hear him snoring last night, to which my dad replied, "What? Thats ridiculous I don't snore. That's impossible." I said, "Dad, you're in denial." Without thinking, he tells me, "Denail's a river in Egypt, you know."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OctopusSlacks
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2013
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Girlfriend dadjoked me while watching kitchen nightmares...

An episode about a struggling African restaurant, the owner says "I'm not in denial!" And my girlfriend looks at me and says "of course your not ,you're nowhere near africa"

She's still laughing about it..,

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bs1252
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2015
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Just a suggestion: Go see Mr. Peabody & Sherman

The film is chock-full of dad jokes (mostly puns). Things like "Marie Antoinette can't have her cake and edict too", "That was disarming" (after the kid rips off a mummy's arm), "She's in denial" (spoken when the girl is in ancient Egypt), etc. The relationship between Mr. Peabody and the boy Sherman is an adoptive one, so the dad element takes center stage.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yarjka
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2014
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Theres no i in denial
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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There’s no I in denial
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InsecureBandAid
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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