I went to a job interview today and the interviewer asked me "what is your greatest weakness?". I said "I am too honest"
He said "I don't think that's a weakness"
"Well I don't give a f* what you think"
π︎ 9k
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︎ Mar 09 2021
What the hell am I dough-inβ here? I donut belong here
π︎ 20
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︎ Mar 03 2021
My mom has 3 kids. My brother was born a gas, my sister a liquid and I am a solid. Yesterday my mom looked upset so I asked her what was wrong. She said "I'm pregnant"
So I said "Okay, what's the matter?"
π︎ 15
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︎ Mar 29 2021
I have 6 legs, 8 arms, and 10 heads. What am I?
π︎ 483
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︎ Nov 02 2020
An Honest Werewolf : "What do you mean? I am not a werewolf"
A Random Seer : "Either you are lying or you are an unawerewolf"
π︎ 9
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︎ Feb 11 2021
I am a proud dad today - my son ask me what this Indian bread on top of the fridge is for
I told him itβs Naan of his business
Edit: he could have replied βpapa dumbβ
π︎ 43
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︎ Dec 01 2020
My buddy Jerry had to get taken to the hospital, unfortunately it looked like he needed to be operated on. He was unconscious and when he came to, he asked βwhatβs going to happen, am I going to be alright?β
I told him; βSurgeryβ.
π︎ 23
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︎ Dec 28 2020
If Iβm a millionth of myself what am I?
π︎ 3
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︎ Jan 13 2021
I have no idea what to get now...am I supposed to get both?
π︎ 7
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︎ Sep 24 2020
Son : "Hi Dad. I'm hungry", I am prepared for what he has to say.
Dad : let's order some food.
π︎ 19
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︎ Aug 20 2020
What did the pin say to the baloon? I am the king of pop
π︎ 22
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︎ Aug 22 2020
I am sure someone has posted this one before, but, since I havenβt seen it, here goes! What did the wood screw say to the machine screw?
Wow! Those are some fine lookinβ threads, brotha!
π︎ 7
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︎ Aug 14 2020
I am on a roll, I mean what are circles...
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 26 2020
Wife: what are your plans for today? Me: I am going to the eye doctor
And after that Iβll see
π︎ 22
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︎ Jun 12 2020
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
π︎ 56
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︎ Nov 17 2019
Doctor: Sir, I am sorry to say that you have onomatopoeia... Patient: What is it, doc?
Doctor: Itβs exactly what it sounds like.
π︎ 2k
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︎ Jun 28 2018
I'm a turnip, turned down. Concerned, but I don't carrot all. I am what I yam. What am I?
π︎ 16
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︎ Jan 23 2020
i have four eyes, seven legs, three noses, and five ears. what am i?
π︎ 12
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︎ Dec 07 2019
Convo between me and a lady friend, what do we think boys? Am I in?
π︎ 12
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︎ Apr 16 2019
People tend to be shocked when they find out what a bad electrician I am.
π︎ 92
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︎ Jan 15 2019
I am not sure what the first church on Mars would look like.
But the mass would be the same.
π︎ 19
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︎ Dec 10 2018
I dont even know what I am laughing at
π︎ 35
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︎ Jan 02 2019
GUESS WHAT I AM DOING?
π︎ 12
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︎ Jun 02 2019
What did the scarf say to the hat? You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer.
π︎ 7
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︎ Sep 26 2018
What days am I the proudest of?
SON-days! haha love ya, little buddy
π︎ 18
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︎ Feb 08 2018
First you listen to me, then you eat me. What am I?
π︎ 9
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︎ Mar 25 2018
What am I supposed to be looking atat
π︎ 32
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︎ Apr 29 2014
The Great Dad Joke: So Moses is talking to God and he's all like "I don't know what to call you, I'm confused" and God is like "Hi confused, I AM".
π︎ 117
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︎ Sep 20 2016
I have 4 eyes, 2 mouths and 5 ears. What am I?
π︎ 20
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︎ Nov 24 2017
I asked my kids "What am I, a boggart?"
Because everything I here from your mouths is "RIDDIKULUS!"
π︎ 8
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︎ Jun 23 2018
I am a Demi-God but I wasn't satisfied with it. I told my God I wanted to be more. Now I'm Demi Moore. What do? (x-post /r/fifthworldproblems)
π︎ 34
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︎ May 25 2015
Grate, now what am I supposed to do?
Grate, now what am I supposed to do?
(Happened when I was trying to prepare a grilled cheese for my daughter's lunch)
π︎ 25
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︎ Oct 31 2016
In 1991 I had a white t-topped '84 Pontiac Trans Am. Guess what I had on the back hatch?
π︎ 5
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︎ Jul 01 2017
What am I doing?
My son asked his grandpa what charades is. Grandpa tried to describe it, then followed it up with an example. He began to pretend to play the violin, and asked my son to tell him what he was doing. My son's answer? "You're playing charades!"
π︎ 4
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︎ Feb 19 2016
What state am I in?
My sister lives in Georgia, which is currently having some uncharacteristic winter weather. She sent me and my parents a picture of the snow on the ground, asking "What state am I living in!?".
My dad responded with "considering the white stuff on the ground, I'd say a state of confusion"
π︎ 27
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︎ Jan 29 2014
Guess what I am?
So, we're coming back from shopping and I've got all the shopping bags in one arm, and carrying my son in my other.
I turned around to my fiancΓ©e and said, "Guess what I am?"
She looks at me puzzled, and I blurt:
"I'm Bag Dad!"
π︎ 3
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︎ Aug 23 2015
I have six eyes, three ears, and two mouths. What am I?
π︎ 26
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︎ Dec 06 2017
I have 6 eyes, 2 mouths, and 3 ears, what am I?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 25 2018
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