That's what I call clean energy
He came back a badder E.
Well, now I am still a drinker but at least I lost some weight
Now I have no idea who I drink with
I thought, “This guy’s heading for a breakdown.”
He told us last night that he'll be asked his secret for success this morning.
He says at age 82 and after 37 alcohol-free years, the secret is fairly simple:
"Don't drink, and don't die."
"A? AA? AAA? AAAA!"
A brilliant man created a new chainsaw that only required 5 grams of sodium chloride and just one AA battery to work. It was charged with a salt and battery.
AA Meeting
Procrastinator's Anonymous will be canceled because all the members have put off coming to at least next week. (Credit unknown)
Jane finally decided to join Narcotics Anonymous after getting needled into coming. (Original)
I bet you 50:1 odds that Joe won't be here at Gamblers Anonymous tonight. (Original)
As Laura spoke at AA, I found her account intoxicating. (Original)
Even if I were transgender, I doubt I'd ever go to a Crossdressers Anonymous meeting. I hear those meetings are literally a drag. (Original)
At a computer users' group, a guy was complaining that his Linux-loving girlfriend refused to do Windows. (Original)
I plum need to attend a Purple Anonymous meeting. (Original)
The doctor's office was associated with the local medical college, so there were a couple of med students watching the senior doctor work on my son's toe. He loaded up a syringe with anesthetic and injected in multiple places, explaining that he was doing this to achieve digital blocking (that is, numbing the entire digit, namely the toe).
After it was done they left the nurse to bandage my son up, and he said, "Dad? What did he mean by digital blocking?"
"Well, when you weren't looking he hooked your toe up to a USB port and downloaded some MP3s into it. If you hold your foot close to your ear you can hear "Laaaaa, aaaaa aa aaaaah, close to you.""
The nurse stared at me and turned to my son. "Is he always like this?"
He silently nodded, looking at the floor...
AA Battery
Dad-"I have to put that dog in AA."
Me- "why?"
Dad-"She can't hold her licker."
It was just me and the old man in the house the other day, I was in my room with the door closed and my dad was out on the couch. It was pretty silent in the house when I let out a loud sneeze, "AAACCHHHOOOOO!". All of a sudden I hear my dad yell out something distorted, so I get up to see what's up.
Me: "what's that?" Dad: "you put them on your feet, right?" Me: "put what on my feet?" Dad: "a shoe! That's what your said in there, wasn't it? AA SHHOOOEE!!"
Classic dad...
The the whole family (my mom, dad, and two sisters) are sitting in the living room and my mom asked me to pick up some ingredients from the grocery store. She starts listing them out loud, "I'll need heavy cream, eggs, milk-"
At which point I interrupt to ask what size eggs she needs (i.e. AA etc.) and she responds "It doesn't matter just make sure they're large - oh and cage free"
My dad immediately came back, "Cage-fee? What are you worried about - that the cake will get away?"
My dad immediately does his troll grin and my mother looks at him with a years practiced look of "how did you ever trick me into marrying you"
Naturally this was followed by my nine year old sisters falling apart into giggles, and eventually me too. My mother looks at us like she's thinking to herself "They must have switched all three of my babies at the hospital" before looking up at the ceiling and saying, "I guess I'll write a list..."
Mom watering the tree: This tree is really drinking a lot!
Dad reading the newspaper: Really? It should try AA.
He would not stop laughing. For a full minute, at least.
sigh
Teacher: "I sheared a sheep once," Student: "Oh, How'd it go?" Teacher: "It went: 'Baa' and it's fleece came off! Student: "Man, that was Ba-aa-d!"
groans
