How do you get a farm girl to marry you?
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
My wife has just gave birth at the hospital. I pulled the doctor away for a minute and asked "how soon do you think we will be able to have sex?"
He thought about it for a bit and said "I am off-duty in 10mins, meet me in the car park"
Suggest to post here, I HAVANT an idea how well it will do
How do you reply to an email about someone freaking out at the Los Angeles International Airport?
How do you say goodbye to your two male kids?
Do you know how to change a tire?
You could start with that shirt.
How do you call someone who is sexuality attached to everyone as long as they have a sense of humour
How much room do fungi need to grow
What do you call a class that teaches how to cook and eat people?
How do you get a squirrel to like you?
How do you know that trees long to vacation at the beach?
Because they always bring their trunks.
How much soda do you have to drink before it tastes like birds?
What Do You Call a Bird That Knows How to Fight?
How do you get to the weight room in Hogwarts?
Through the Dumbbell-Door
Wife: I’m not in the mood to do my homework. Me: Just phone it in and do C-work. Wife: I don’t know how to do C-Work.
Me: step 1, buy a boat.
Just happened. Not an official dad yet but she’s 6 months pregnant. Got to get the practice in while I can.
How do you know when it is time for cows to go to sleep?
When it’s pasture bedtime.
How do you get a deaf person to shut up
Tie their hands behind their back
How do Surfers say hi to each other?
How do Skywalker's like to shop?
The prefer to pick things up second hand.
Do you know how to distinguish between an alligator and a crocodile?
One sees you later and the other after a while.
How do the French send photos of cats to each other?
A young boy was walking to school when he saw a dead dog in the road. When he got to school he told his teacher what he saw. “How do you know if the dog was dead?” She asked the boy. “I know because I pissed in his ear.” The teacher looked horrified. “What do you mean you pissed in his ear??”
‘I went up to him and went “Pssstt!” in his ear and he didn’t move.’
Interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume? Me: That’s when I went to Yale... Interviewer: That’s impressive. You are hired.
Me: Thanks. I really need this Yob.
Do you know how to tell the difference between people from Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
People from Dubai don't like the Flintstones. The ones from Abu Dhabi do
How do you get a mouse to smile?
By telling it a cheesy joke.
How do you get a murder of crows to stick together?
How do Vikings talk to each other?
Do You know how to tie the knot in space?
I'm floating away very quickly.
Do you know how to make holy water?
You just boil the hell out of it.
How do you tell a communist to stop being rude?
How do you decide which part of the fish to eat first?
You play heads or tails.
How do you get a Chinese communist to defect?
How do you get a Redditor to open a post?
[Tribute to the singer/songwriter who passed away today] How do you turn a duck into a soul musician?
Put it in the microwave until its bill withers.
How do you get a cat to deliver a package?
You call USPSpspspspspspsps.
I just asked my 14 yr old after he was talking the whole time while I was showing how to do something. ‘Do you know why god gave us two eyes and only one mouth?’
‘Because we don’t need depth perception with our mouths ‘ was his technically correct answer
How do you get your wife to notice you?
Sit on a couch and look comfortable.
How do you get the farmer’s daughter to fall in love with you?
How do you put an astronaut to sleep?
You rocket!
Source of joke is none other than Siri!
https://i.imgur.com/q0n6T7p.jpg
The question was: "How do people with extremely long fake nails properly wipe their butts after pooping? Saw someone struggling to type on their phone today with those bad boys"
How do you get to know someone?
With ^^^^^^small ^^^^^^talk
How long do you have to have pneumonia
Before it becomes oldmonia?
Have y’all seen that video of that makeup influencer named Pandora? People are saying it has something to do with the pandemic but I don’t get how,
It was just an unboxing video
How do you tell a priest to stay safe?
Tell him to exorcise caution
How do you bid farewell to a bisexual person?
How much trash do you have to throw in the ocean to make a new country?
How much time do you have to fix your parachute?
How do you decide what haircut to get?
New to reddit. How do I flip the orientation to where everything isn't upside down?
How do cows learn how to walk?
By putting one hoof in front of the udder.
How do you call it when your previous wife moves to New York from a small town?
How do you teach sex-ed to a terrorist?
How do you talk to a giant?
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said "It's going to rain". His wife asked "how do you know?"
"Because rudolph the red knows rain, dear"
How do you know when the moon has had enough to eat?
A man walks into a doctors office. “What seems to be the problem?” Asks the doc. “It’s... um... well... i have five penises.” Replies the man. “Blimey!” Says the doctor, “how do your trousers fit?” “Like a glove.”
How do you get from Germany to Sweden?
How do we call someone who puts kids to sleep ?
Do you know how to distinguish an alligator from a crocodile?
By paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.
Do you know how to catch a polar bear?
You start by cutting a hole in the ice. Then put peas all around it. When a bear walks up to take a pea, you kick it in the ice hole.
How do injured ghosts get to the hospital?
How do ghosts remember who to scare?
They’re using a to-boo list.
How do Greek gods say sorry to one another
Where do baby hippopotami learn how to swim, eat, and socialize?
How do you get a cow to be quiet?
How do you get a country girl to like you?
I’m new to both being an amputee and to being on tinder, tried to make some jokes about it. How did I do, should I change some?
How do directors know if an actor is acting or just pretending to act?
Where do you learn how to make ice cream?
My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?"
He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."
Do you know how to make a small fortune in the record industry?
Start with a large fortune.
Two fish are in a tank, one turns to the other and says, "how do you drive this thing?
How do locomotives know where to go?
My wife was trying to make butter from milk by churning it with a beater, after 30 mins, there was still no butter, she asked “how much longer do I need to beat it?” I said ...
How do you gauge the room to see if it's right for a dadjoke?
I heard today kids today are smoking mushrooms trying to get high. How in the world do they keep the pizza lit?
How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Climb up a tree and act like a nut
How do you get a squirrel to like you ?
How do you get a squirrel to like you?
How much room do fungi need to grow?
How do you get a squirrel to lien you
How much soda do you have to drink before it tastes like birds?
How do you get to the weight room at Hogwarts?
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
How do you get a squirrel to like you?
How do you decide which part of the fish to eat first?
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
How much room do you need for fungi to grow?
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
She didn't laugh but I hope you folks did.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
How do you talk to giants?
Its simple, just use big words!
How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep
How do you get a baby alien to sleep?
How do you get a Redditor to open a post?
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