My dad after we almost hit a deer in the car the other day:

"You know, he's an expert in his field."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Fragglepusss
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 26 2020
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Where was the captain sent after he hit another ship?

anchor management

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ocean_Beast
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 22 2020
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After releasing his hit song about his farm, Old Mac Donald started receiving some letters from his fans.

"E” β€œI” β€œE” β€œI” β€œO"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rudy12345mc
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 12 2020
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My friend was hit by a car shortly after throwing coins in a wishing well

I thought β€œwell that’s unfortunate”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tweakedrex
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 10 2020
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The head of Big Cat Rescue and the female antagonist in the hit Netflix documentary has been arrested after holding up an ice cream shop.

Police are reporting that it was Baskin-Robbins.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cashmag3001
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 28 2020
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Did you hear about the guy getting hit by the same bicycle everyday, day after day..

Yeh it was a vicious cycle!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ChknSchnity
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 05 2020
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Everyone is so surprised after getting hit by a calculator...

... I guess they weren't counting on it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 314
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Hot-d0g-Water
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 06 2018
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I got hit by a pool ball immediately after entering the bar...

Bad break.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 31 2019
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By the way. I was hit with a huge piece of animal muscles from outer space yesterday. I used it to make steaks after.

I was hit by a meaty-ore.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/P0tat0sa11ad
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 24 2019
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Father-In-Law hit me with this after asking him about his truck

We're supposed to go pick up a jeep in his truck and I wanted to make sure the trailer wiring was the same for his newer truck

https://i.imgur.com/KKMuKue.jpg

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AtlasOffroader
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 21 2019
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After a bug hit my windshield...

Dad- "I'll Bet he doesn't have the guts to do that again!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/nottydane
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 11 2014
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What did the scientist say after getting hit by a sound wave?

"Ouch, that Hertz."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Hi_im_Nadeem
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 12 2019
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My friend met the love of his life when the were both vomiting overboard after a rhinovirus hit their cruise ship...

It was a match made in heaving!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 06 2019
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My brother hit me with this after I questioned if he should be day drinking on a Wednesday.

"Don't worry, boss said it was ok"

He owns his own business.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 445
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/superAL1394
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 27 2015
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Sir Isaac Newton died shortly after being hit on the head with the apple.

He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/UniversalHeatDeath
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 15 2018
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Who always hits their target, but only after a delay?

Lagolas

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/goat_chortle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 29 2019
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Dad hit me with this one after I complained about a shoulder ache.

He tossed me a little bottle of pills and said "take these, they're homeopathic pills for muscle pain. "

I told him, "Dad, I don't do homeopathic stuff."

Dad:"Well once you take these and feel better you can take a girl on a date."

Me:"What does that even mean?"

Dad:"That's called romeo-pathy"

Dear God this joke made the pain worse.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 44
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ILIKEFUUD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 18 2016
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I slapped my brother after he hit me and my dad told me to stop...

He said two wrongs don’t make a right. But two Wrights make an Airplane

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/IamstillLoading
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 16 2018
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"Father Time" hit me with this one today after I lost my watch...

"It's like you have no time on your hands anymore!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dcfc29
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 21 2016
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What did the train driver say after he almost hit a car?

That was freightining

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cowlord98
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 15 2015
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What did the guy say after he got hit with a soda can?

at least it was a soft drink.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Toms0verBaghdad
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 15 2013
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My mom hit me with this dadjoke after I went rock climbing

I posted this to facebook:
>Oh god I can't move. Satisfying day at the rock gym.

My mom replied to the post with this:
> I'm sure there are climbing wall in other cities too.

I laughed my butt off and showed it to my boyfriend. He sadly didn't get it and I had to explain it to him.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/oowth
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 26 2015
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I said I was going to hit the pub after dinner

Dad told me I'll just hurt my hand

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GeneralSvet
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 23 2014
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