A list of puns related to "High Sierra Music Festival"
Couch-ella
It's called burning man
If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eyed Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago.
Was at the Kanye (Yeezus) performance this weekend and he kept doing this thing where he would start playing a song then cut it off about five seconds in and rant about something. The third time this happened a guy behind me yelled "More like Teezus, am i right?"
"Dude, you want some of this Molly?"
"No thanks, I've got visitation rights for my kid this weekend."
"So?"
"So, I've already got my ex to see."
He didnβt care for it. Too much sax and violins.
They're calling it Allahpalooza some of the headliners include, The Suicide Girls, Bombye West, and The Big Bang Theory.
Yesterday a random girl was on my shoulders at a music festival. When she finally got down, I remarked "Well that's a weight off my shoulders!"
Needless to say she walked away and i never saw her again.
It was a play-date!
So far Iβve got:
Sandwich co (you canβt beat our meat) IT company (if youβve got a Trojan we can help) Laundry service (dont press your luck) Organic shop (all we do is pot, and pull hoes) or (getting down and dirty with your hoes) Pet groomers (send your dog to pound town) Transport and travel [by plane] (weβll get you high) Financial planner (saving lives, with your life savings) Bakery (fresh perky muffins in the front, soft buns in the back) Coffee shop (Mugging you at every corner)
Still looking for raunchy puns and double entendres for:
A Podcast/ music studio A Personal chef A Tour and travel agency A Health care company A Record studio A Game developer A Copyrighting co A Tailor A Garage/bike repair company A Clothing/hat maker A Personal trainer A Truck sharing (moving co) An Architecture bureau or real estate co An Illustrator A Pest control company A Wedding planner A Fishing and charter tour company A Liquor store
Help me out.
The saxophonist left. Soon after, he returned, carrying a man wearing a pair of high end headphones.
βWhat in the WORLD are you doing with that poor man?β His teacher cried.
The saxophonist looked taken aback. βYou said I needed to make my music sound smoother.β
βSoβ¦?β
βI figured we would need an audiophile for that.β
Picture it. June, 1971. London.
Keith Emerson, Greg Lake and Carl Palmer are celebrating the release of their album Tarkus at the Seven Stars Pub.
Very quickly, both ELP and their BACs are riding high.
Nothing can spoil this evening.
Enter King Crimson, their bitter rivals in experimental jazz-fusion symphonic rock.
A chill hits the air, but they manage some level of civility.
Fripp even manages to put aside his seething anger at Lake for defecting to Emerson's new project and stands a round for all.
It's unclear exactly when Hawkwind arrives, but the strained emotions soon give way to genuine cheer and good will.
Lemmy, their basist at the time, could have that effect on people.
Unfortunately, he also later looks directly at Lake, points at Fripp and company and asks, "Waren't you wiv his lot?"
The police report explains that the ensuing fracas lasted for about 30 minutes at caused at least Β£4,500 (Β£56,604.93 in 2021, or $78,480.75) in damages, several broken bones and uncounted stiches.
The scrum finally calms down after Peter Gabriel, who was [throwing darts](https://darthelp.com/articles/the-history-of-darts/#:~:text=M
... keep reading on reddit β‘The high C.
I'd hate to toot my own horn.
"Until the pressure got to him."
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itβs a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itβs tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donβt think itβs feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Thereβs a new type of broom out, itβs sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels canβt tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itβs pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldnβt control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didnβt have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit β‘My friends and I just entered the ACL (Austin City Limits) festival, which it's basically a HUGE music festival. While we're walking, a stage is playing a song by the Beatles to which my girlfriend jokingly says, "Oh, I didn't know the Beatles were playing today!" I reply with, "It's part of their Lazarus Project!" Then a lady in front of us turns and says, "Niiiiice."
A group of friends and I have gone to Bonnaroo (a music festival, for those who aren't aware) the past two years. this year, my friends dad decided to tag along with us, and he is one of those dads who is chill as hell and doesn't really care about the obvious drug use that occurs at festivals. while we were all hanging out at our campsite, a guy approached our campground and asked "hey, do any of you guys want some mushrooms?" my friend's dad, who was fully aware what shrooms are, was the first to respond, saying "nah, mushrooms are my least favorite pizza topping." the guy just kind of blankly stared for a second, then walked away as we all laughed/groaned.
My younger sister, who is in my high school marching band, was in a band festival/competition earlier tonight. As they were doing the awards, there was a particular high school, named Marion Senior High School.
The announcer says the school's name in an award, and my dad said, "I wouldn't want to do that." I say, confused, "Do what?" He replies, "Marry in senior high school. That's just a bad idea."
Cue collective groan/laughs from me and my mom, while my dad is giddily laughing.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of βAll Naturalβ ice cream? You get Breyerβs remorse!
How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.
How do astronauts eat their ice creams? In floats!
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi aβla mode.
What does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
Why donβt they make ice cream from breast milk? Itβs an udderly bad idea!
Where is the best place to get an ice cream? IN A SUNDAY SCHOOL.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? Whatβs the scoop
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
Your evil stepdad isnβt βpresidentialβ just because he got you ice cream and told you things would change after
beating the shit out of you.
In 1973 my dad left to get ice cream and never came back. Mom says heβs probably just lost because he hates stopping to ask for directions.
If my house catches fire after Iβve sat down with a bowl of ice cream, Iβm going down like the goddamn captain of a ship.
I try not to judge people based on first impressions but if I see you put gummy bears on your ice cream stay away from me and my family.
Guy on my train: a crowded Amtrak on a freezing day is the right time and place for me to enjoy a big ass ice cream cone
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of βAll Naturalβ ice cream? You get Breyerβs remorse!
How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.
How do astronauts eat their ice creams? In floats!
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi aβla mode.
The new Baywatch Official Trailer reminds me that bathing suit season is right around the corner. Unfortunately, so is the ice cream truck.
You can buy eel-flavored ice cream in Japan.I guess if you are out of chocolate and vanilla.
Being in a long term relationship and seeing your partner naked is like driving a hearse that plays ice cream truck music. Mixed emotions
I wish I had as much hope as the guy driving the ice cream truck around in February.
MC Hammer eats a lot of ice cream every day because as a kid his parents told him, βU Canβt Touch Thisβ
On May 2nd a drunk driver almost ended my life.
... keep reading on reddit β‘He roams around the oceans and does pirate-y things, but he's most known for this one eccentricity: whenever he sees sheet music with anything over a high B, he rips it to shreds.
They call him the Tearer of the High C's
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itβs a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itβs tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donβt think itβs feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Thereβs a new type of broom out, itβs sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels canβt tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itβs pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldnβt control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didnβt have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit β‘What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itβs a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itβs tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donβt think itβs feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Thereβs a new type of broom out, itβs sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels canβt tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itβs pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldnβt control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn
... keep reading on reddit β‘I went to visit my old high school with some friends while on i'm break from college. We were talking to one of our teachers and music came up. I go, "i play bass, ukulele, and little guitar." the teacher goes "a ukulele IS a little guitar." face-palming ensued
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