Hebrew Acronyms Puns

toda haboobim

So I’m going through my Hebrew textbooks from college and brushing up before I enroll in Citizen Cafe classes. I could’ve sworn in my college Hebrew classes, I’d pronounce it “tapuach” but I’m reading it in the textbook w the nikud and it seems like it’s pronounced “tapucha”? I also do remember my professor saying that words that end w the “chet” r usually pronounced “ach”. So is it “tapuach” or “tapucha”? Also, I thought תפוח עץ would mean apple tree since עץ is tree, but in the textbook and on morfix, it’s saying that תפוח עץ = apple. Can someone explain this to me? Thx in advance! (If u would be so kind to lmk how to say “thx in advance” in Hebrew, that would be great as well.)

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Someone that always says or writes "I do not", "I have been", "I would", "he is", "they are" instead of "I don't", "I've been", "I'd", "he's", etc.

5:43 But how is it that they come to you for judgement while they have the Torah, in which is the judgement of Allah? Then they turn away, [even] after that; but those are not [in fact] believers.

5:44 Indeed, We sent down the Torah, in which was guidance and light. The prophets who submitted [to Allah] judged by it for the Jews, as did the rabbis and scholars by that with which they were entrusted of the Scripture of Allah, and they were witnesses thereto. So do not fear the people but fear Me, and do not exchange My verses for a small price. And whoever does not judge by what Allah has revealed - then it is those who are the disbelievers.

So this verse got me thinking about what the Quran means by Torah. And through a little bit of googling I came across quite a bit of vocabulary for instance:

Torah can refer to the Five Books of Moses

it can also refer to the entirety of the Tanakh (acronym for Torah, Naviim, ketuvim)

and finally it can refer to the entirety of Judaic tradition including rabbinical literature referred to as "The oral torah" (wikipedia cites Jacob Neusner The Emergence of Judaism)

Now the oral torah could be broken down into two. The Talmud and the Midrash which is an interpretation of the talmud.

Wikipedia quote on the talmud: "It is written in Mishnaic Hebrew and Jewish Babylonian Aramaic and contains the teachings and opinions of thousands of rabbis (dating from before the Common Era through to the fifth century) on a variety of subjects, including halakha, Jewish ethics, philosophy, customs, history, and folklore, and many other topics. The Talmud is the basis for all codes of Jewish law and is widely quoted in rabbinic literature. "

The thing that confounds me presently is the Quran in multiple occasions affirms stories and narratives from the oral torah or the talmud which is not found in the Tanakh. (cain and abel with the crow, the angels questioning adams creation, Moses not being suckled by any but his mother, probably mor

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Please help translate! I'm an American Jew with no knowledge of Hebrew after my bar mitzvah. I recently helped my grandparents clean out their storage and found old family records they had held onto. Apparently, these are the graves of my great- great- great-grandparents and I would love to know what they say! I know they would be so disappointed in me because, according to the records, my great(x3) grandfather was a massive Hebrew enthusiast and refused to speak anything else for the last 40 years of his life! But hey, what's a little more Jewish guilt to add to the pile?

https://preview.redd.it/papzjvbukwx71.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d66112312390dc8ed2cc6a5e2241e114412f798d

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.