Me: I'm going to grow out the hair on my upper lip, then shave it, put it in a box, and hide that box.

Wife: Why...?

Me: It's going to be my secret stash

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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When I told my friend I had decided to shave all my hair, he looked me in tge eyes and said:

"That's a bald move"

πŸ‘︎ 446
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FrunkyFrosk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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The other week I went to get a hair cut and a shave

The line was really long and as I waited two guys in front of me went fisticuffs and the police were called.

I went home hungry, thirsty and disappointed.

Worst Barber Queue ever.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kactusotp
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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My Mum told my sister she had to shave my cousins hair...

"Looks like you've got your work cut out for you!" I said.

"Oh yeah, i'm totally buzzing for it." she replied.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kapanee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2016
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Shaved my hair this morning...

Got my teen son with this one today.

Son: Dad, you shaved your hair.

Me: Yep, we’re Opposites.

Son: (puzzled look)

Me: I’m bald...You have long hair

I’m old... You’re young

I’m big...You’re small

I’m incredibly handsome...(son eye roll);

short pause...You’re incredibly footsome.

Son: (stomps out of the room)

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimyo77
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
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My mate Dave told me he’s started shaving his head to hide his thinning hair.

I think it’s a pretty bald strategy.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/littleboypunder
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
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When my father started loosing hair he's shaved his head

It was a bald move

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yettimurder
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
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I went the barbers and asked him to do my hair like Justin Bieber and he shaved it all off.

I said Justin Bieber doesn't get a haircut like that.

He said he does if he comes in here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2017
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I grew facial hair without telling anyone.

It's my secret 'stache.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JEJoll
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
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Dad jokes...on him

My father is fond of jokes and pranks (even though I only pretend to laugh .-.) but there's this story that I always would genuinely laugh at whenever it is brought up. So here it goes...

We've always gone to Church every Sunday when we were kids and on one of those Sundays, my father decided to make my mother laugh by shaving only HALF of his beard. So while the other side has hair, the other is shaved. He casually walked up to my mother and asked if he looked good in his "new fashion style." My mother laughed so hard she couldn't breathe.

When that was over, we got ourselves ready and went to Church. While praying, there was a bunch of people looking at my father. He noticed that as soon as he looked at those people, they'd cover their face, bow their heads and walk away. He felt weird. So he got into this 'thinking position' where he had his hands to play with his beard. And that's when he realized...HE FORGOT TO SHAVE THE OTHER HALF AT HOME AND NO ONE NOTICED UNTIL WE GOT THERE. HAHAHHAHAHA He was so embarassed, he covered his whole face until mass was over.

That's all folks. Thank you for coming to my dad talks .

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thecember
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/littlemoimoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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Why do Skunks love Bic razors?

Because they are best for shaving their Pew-Bic Hair..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bad11ama
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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I didn't think we'd ever have kids, but my boyfriend may have just changed that with his groantastic dadjoke.

I was playing with his hair and I wondered out loud what he'd look like with extremely short or buzzed hair.

He said, "Well I shaved my head once and didn't like it."

"Yeah but you didn't have a beard back then. I wonder if you could pull it off now."

"Well, I'd probably just cut it off."

......

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pooncartercash
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2014
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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Dad's beard

Im 24 years old and ever since I can remember my dad has been clean shaven, and he's been growing his beard out recently. ME:why don't you shave? It's always been clean shaven since I was born. DAD:there was no hair when I was born either. Mom rolls eyes and leaves the room. He snickers..

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Atm47
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2016
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a sad time for dad-joking at the office.

I have this ongoing thing at the office where whenever this one middle-aged guy (call him Andy) gets a haircut, I say, "Hey Andy, you got a haircut" and Andy, without fail dadjokes me with "I got them ALL cut" and then we yuk it up in the hallway ... this has gone on for years and years, until recently, when Andy decided that due to male-pattern baldness, he would completely shave his head. Now it is not as funny to tell Andy he got his hair cut, because literally he got them ALL cut and it just looks like I am making fun of him. (:(

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xRVAx
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2015
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Dad hit me with this one earlier today.

So I was shaving after about a week and a half of being lazy and letting my facial hair grow. As I was doing this I left my mustache and went to my dad and said, "hey I mustache you a question" in which he replied "sorry I'm busy, shave it for later". I have to hand it to him I didn't see that coming and we both got groans from my mom.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sccr24
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2014
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My Dad's go-to story joke

So my dad pretty much lays this one on every friend of mine he ever meets.

There once was this man named Benny, who had the strongest desire to live forever. The devil knew these desires, and arose out of the dephts to make a deal with Benny.

The deal stated that, in exchange for Benny's soul, he would be gifted with immortality. The only condition was that Benny could not shave any part of his body, ever, or he would be instantly transformed into an urn.

Benny went on with his now unending life and found himself falling in love with a girl shortly after accepting this deal with the devil. The girl however. Would not love him back because of his ridiculously long hair covering his entire body. It was said that the hair from his knuckles would sweep the floor when he walked into the room, and he would constantly trip himself on his beard.

The girl eventually died and Benny fell into a deep depression. He decided it would be best to end his misery by going to a barbershop, and getting a shave. He sat in the barber's seat, and as soon as the blade reached his skin, he was transformed, and all that remained in the seat was a large, metal urn.

The moral of the story... A Benny Shaved is a Benny Urned.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRagingKoala
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2013
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Just dad joked my own dad

Me and my dad are both doing No-Shave November because we are manly men and I said to my dad, "I'm really starting to like my facial hair, it's growing on me." He just smiled bak at me and we had a little chuckle together. Man, I can't wait til I'm a dad.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sheltoro
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2013
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My buddy has a good one

When looking at a shaved bear

Me "omg it looks like its sick and dying" Friend " I guess you could say it's hair born"

I had a chuckle

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flailingpenis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2014
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