H Theorem Puns

I said, 'Sure.'

She sighed.

'I saw you and your ex studying Pythagoras' theorem in the library.'

'Oh, you did?' I asked.

She paused. 'So, how do you explain that?'

'Easily,' I replied. 'It's when the square on the hypotenuse of a right-angled triangle is equal to the sum of the squares on the other two sides.'

Everyone knows the Pythagorean theorem, but few people know that Pythagoras was an avid and accomplished explorer who visited the new world before the Vikings or Columbus ever laid eyes on the continent. On one of his early visits he encountered a village and happened upon a woman, heavily pregnant sitting on the hide of a bear. He asked her what she was doing and she told him that she wanted to give birth on the hide so that her child would have the strength of a bear when he was born. As he walked further into the main part of the village he saw another woman, again quite pregnant sitting on the hide of a deer. When asked she replied that she wanted her child to have the grace and agility of a deer. Seeing a trend he was taken aback when he saw a very pregnant woman sitting on the hide of a hippopotamus. Surprised both at the choice and at the existence of such a creature, he wondered what she must wish for her child, but she replied that there just weren’t any other hides available for her so she took what she could get.

Many years later when he returned to the same village, he encountered the first woman and asked about her child. Was he as strong as a bear? She pointed him out and sure enough, her son was busy ripping a stump out of the ground with his hands, as strong as a bear! Amazed, he sought out the second woman, who pointed out her son, running through a field at great speed, as graceful and agile as a deer! Intrigued to say the least, Pythagoras sought the third woman. She pointed out her son, and he didn’t believe his eyes - he was both as strong as a bear and as graceful as a deer; a mountain of a man with grace and poise.

He wrote in his now-famous travel journal his amazing discovery; that the sons of the squaws on the two smaller hides are equal to that of the squaw on the hippopotamus.

The pythongorean theorem.

Buy-no-meal theorem.

We were talking about math and pythagorean theorem and such. This happened when we were talking about the fastest way to get to point A to point B.

Dad: "What's the fastest way to get from 1st base to 2nd base?"

Me: "Buy her flowers."

I teach 8th grade math and we were studying the Pythagorean theorem, specifically the converse of the Pythagorean theorem.

I asked them, "What is a mathematicians favorite type of shoes?"

"Converse"

Some groaned, some laughed, some stared at me blankly, one gave me a genuine hi-five. That last student gets an A this marking period...

"Did you hear my joke about the Indian chief's wives?"

The first wife lived in a hut made of deer hide, and bore him one son.

The second wife lived in a hut made of bear hide, and bore him one son.

The third wife lived in a hut of hippopotamus skin and bore him twin sons.

"Thus the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws of two hides!"

A fucking mad lib on the Pythagorean theorem. I'm pissed. He's so happy. Love you dad.