Why Did the Raisin Farmer Secure a $100k Loan to His Most Productive Raisin Grape Tree?

Because it was his "raisin debt tree" (use French accent).

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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Why do grapes turn into raisins when they open a door for their partner?

It's an act of shrivelry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckit_head
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2021
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If I advertise old grapes, is that raisin awareness?

Are you gonna wine?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/entangled_dicks
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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Raisins are just old wrinkly grapes.

Then does that mean they’re berryatric?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ziplocbaggie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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Why did the grape go to the ball alone?

It couldn't find a date

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigBradWolf07
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2023
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Many grapes were berried alive during the grape depression
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2022
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Some Soul Grapping Puns
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2022
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A list of over 350 Dad Jokes!

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. β€œI’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. β€œSorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. β€œYou’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. β€œWe don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. β€œWhy not?” one yogurt asks. β€œWe’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, β€œWhat are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, β€œIt’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, β€œWhat’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, β€œArrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, β€œI don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbersβ€”some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugasum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2022
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Hope Y’all Have A Grape Day
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πŸ‘€︎ u/postarijazl
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2022
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I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.

It’s all about raisin awareness.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dhuckla
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2022
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A real matter of fact
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πŸ‘€︎ u/predicates-man
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2022
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This pun thread is very juicy.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/metheist
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
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If anyone could just reverse the process of making wine, that would be grape.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maax42_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
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If I put grapes in the freezer I think they’ll dry out.

Is there a flaw in my raisining?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Masselein
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2022
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What did the green grape say to the purple grape

Breathe idiot, breathe!

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
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a pun for you :)

What does a grape do with his grandchildren? He be RAISIN them

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeeters_cheeters
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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Thought of this well bringing in groceries.

I was asked to compare English to French. Well, that's just like comparing grapes to raisins

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheHunterElite
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
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What fruit can be used to remove pencil stains from a wall?

A dried grape. Cause it's a raisin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aristofanis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2018
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Three fruits decided to have a dragrace match. The Lemon prepared by practcing driving skills, the orange by studying the appropriate tecniques, the grape by relaxing in the sun. Who won?

The grape. He was the only one who went raisin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/midy-dk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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Once upon a time There was a grape and a melon who had a date

The conversation was prety dry, so the grape begun raisin some questions

"Where do you see this relationship going?" he asked

"Look, i may not have my perents consent, but i think we are a nice pear, so don't think i can't-elope"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/etay1903
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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My girlfriend hates me

So we walked inside of a Tim Hortons...

GF: What do you want to order?

Me: No idea, what sounds good?

GF: I want a raisin bagel. Do you like raisin bagels?

Me: I don't know, I've never raised a bagel before.

She wasn't amused.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WorkHardRunHarder
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2017
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Why was the blueberry scared of the raisin?

The raisin was previously known for grape

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frozesty-ZombieYT
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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Lying in the sun, getting all dried and shriveled?

That's every grape's raisin d'Γͺtre.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/option8
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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Dad joked a teammate

Teammate: (Finds grape under chair) Hey, what were you doing down there?

Me: Looks like he was having a grape time and you just raisined it.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2014
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Are you guys aware of the benefits of dried grapes πŸ‡

Just raisin awareness

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ok-Noise-186
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2022
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This year I’m on a crusade to tell everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes

It’s about raisin awareness

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HuangWaang
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2022
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I can’t believe someone broke into my house and stole all of my fruit.

I am peachless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2022
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i've started telling people about benefits of eating dried grapes

It's all about raisin awareness

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jdramanuj
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2022
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I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes

It’s all about raisin awareness

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hangry_Gunner
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
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Just trying to help.

I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. . . . .

It’s all about raisin awareness.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BBPDemand
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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"Why do you like my music so much?" The grape asked his fans.

The fans responded: "Because your music just raisinates with us!"

Laughing off the pun his fans had just made, the grape replied: "Well, that's raisinable!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackhairedShan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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I might be a dad

My friend is shopping and asks where she can find raisins...

I respond: "They're where the grapes used to be."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ostapack
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2014
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A dad joke/pun I came up with.

What fruit can you use to remove pencil stains from a wall? A dried grape. Cause it's a raisin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aristofanis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2018
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