I was golfing with my good buddies...

It was a foursome... Al, Jerry and Gerry. To ease confusion, we just call the (G)Jerry’s by the first letter of their name... so Jay and Gee.

Anyways, we were playing the other day and I could tell that someone was wearing cologne. Why on a golf course? I don’t know.

Now I’m kinda sensitive to odors and aromas and, sure enough, after a few holes, my eyes start to water and I start to sneeze.

I turn to Jay and say β€œI think I’m allergic to someone’s cologne”

Jay responds, β€œHmmm, I’m not wearing cologne, it must be Al or Gee’s”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/saulfineman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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Went golfing, and it looks that I’ve got a good driver to go around with
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Endie-Bot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2018
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I don’t know why people are always confused when I tell them how good I am at golf.

I just tell people I am subpar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arunie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
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Luck rituals in the Australian Open.

I was golfing in the Australian Open for the first time. I noticed all the pros were putting various condiments on their clubs. Salt on a putter, brown sauce on a driver, ketchup on a 9-iron.

I my caddy why they were doing it, and he explained that an Australian thing for good luck.

Now, by that time I had already shot straight into a sand trap so I said to him: "Too bad I didn't know about it. I really could use some of that luck right about now."

He just smiled...

...and gave me a vegemite sand-wedge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrianBoyko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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Why aren’t children very good at golf?

They can’t drive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Homer_Simpson2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2018
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I'm not sure if I'm good at golf or not...

I've been told I'm sub-par.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/doctor_hulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
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Out-dadded by Mom

I always say "sieze the carp" because I'm hilarious. Sent my mom the following text, letting her know I was out because it was such a nice day:

>Me: Playing disc golf.

>Mom: :). K

>Me: Figured I'd size the carp while I could.

>Mom: That's a Diem good idea

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πŸ‘€︎ u/outfromtheashes
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2015
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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Dad just dropped this one on my brother and I

We were driving down the road and I look out my window to see a "Golf & Guns" store connected to a gas station (good ole' Tennessee...). I point out how ridiculous that is to my dad.

He turns to me and says, "Hey, at least you'll be shooting birdies all day!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/J_Bow_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2014
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