Actually, not what but good does.
But sadly I cant post it because I missed the dad-line
Same thing as a dad joke, you just take it a step father.
Water.
Unfortunately, I couldn't find the correct web site...
My wife: my ear is ringing for some reason
Me: you should probably answer it
With a sighsmograph
I guess I need to upgrade my dad-abase
I turn to her and say “I bet he don’t have the guts to do that again”
Edit: holy shit y’all this blew up. Thank you master dads. I feel worthy
(Context, I, Dylan, and my cousin, Will, normally play tennis together but I was playing with another kid named Ethan and my dad likes to cheer us on and calls us WD)
My dad was about to chant go ED but he didn’t want us to go soft on them
One is a granddad joke and the other is a grand dad joke
I'll start with my own (I think it kinda suck tho, definitely need some better ones):
Do you know why we smell worse as we grow up?
Because we are getting odor.
It's unfortunate. I thought it would be a piece of cake.
But on the other hand, there's five fingers
…..If mom rolls her eyes.
It becomes tearable
"So, do you have to work on Labor Day this year?"
"No, we both have off."
"Did you hear they're changing it next year?"
"What?"
"Yeah, they're moving it to April."
Looks of confusion
"At least that's what my doctor said."
The dawning of comprehension on their faces, then big smiles and hugs!
..... Btw, I am a woman. I didn't specify in the post, but the context clue would be "MY doctor." I was just raised on sarcasm and corny jokes.
So, before i get to the joke, you should all know that everyone in my class knows me for my shitty dad jokes and they hate me for it and today was probably the proudest moment of my life. So here's what happened.
Ecology teacher: does anyone know how to pronounce the name of this bird?
Me: willow ptarmigan (pronounced willow tarmigan. you see where this is going)
15 seconds later
Me: did you know that you can't hear willow ptarmigans go to the bathroom.
Confused classroom: what? Why?
Me: because the P is silent...
I hear the class slowly fill with groans and "oh my god"s followed by some guilty chuckles. And then, my teacher, who is about as strict and as hard to make laugh as they get, slowly sinks into her table and covers her face. And then she giggles. Just a little. This goes right up there for proudest moment of my life, next to saving a child from a burning building. Except I've never saved a child from a burning building...
Well it needs a proper setup, followed by a PUNchline.
I needed to run to Home Depot just a little while ago, and my eight year old son has been driving my wife insane, so he was sent with me. He asked a hundred questions about what tool does what and why I needed this or that. Despite my distracted supervision, he surely mixed up several loose nuts and bolts.
At the exit of the self checkout line, there's a massive gumball machine that holds massive gumballs. I rarely carry change, so he's out of luck.
Sonny Boy: Dad, can I have a quarter?
Me (checking out): Nope. Don't have one.
Sonny Boy: You don't have any cents?
Me: If I had any cents, I'd have left you at home tonight.
No, he didn't get it, and I'm shocked he set it up so well by saying cents. But, the dude in the line next to me let out a solid guffaw. We made the satisfying, knowing eye contact of two dad joke aficionados. I'm glad someone else heard it.
It’s all about the delivery man.
Just can't remember it.
Years ago my dad got his ring finger torn off, so now all he has is a little stub.
So now when he meets new people he puts ketchup on it and puts a Chinese finger trap on. He walks up to them and puts on a flustered face. When they tell him he needs to "push together" he replies with "don't be stupid that won't work!"
He then proceeds to yank his finger out.....that's my dad.
But it was exhausting
So I became a bank teller instead
We are hanging out and I'm asking her silly questions.
I asked, "Does a horse say "meow"?" She quickly responded with a big smile... "Nay!"
I'm a proud poppa.
If only I could remember where I Reddit. (Please don’t judge too harshly this is my first dad joke and my first post on a big subreddit)
And then it hit me
Gonna do it at a nice steakhouse. Thinking about what I should say, but I also want to throw in a "dad joke" to make her laugh a bit since she likes those.
My wife asked me to remove a spider this morning. I look up and reply "He's made his web, now he can sleep in it" - I got 'the look'
We were talking about the eruption of Krakatoa. I was going on about how the sound circled the earth 4 times, and how it was so loud it burst the eardrums of sailors 40 miles away. Without missing a beat my wife said "Krakatoa? More like Krakaneara".
She's got better dad jokes than me, I'm failing my daughters.
Dad: Well you should tell them to speak louder.
Her: 'I feel a bit Belgian this morning.'
Me: 'What?'
Her: 'Ya know? Phlegmish!'
It's been haunting me ever since. Now anytime I make a dad-joke, rather than groaning she just responds, 'eh, still not as good as mine.'
Dammit, I forget the punchline, I know I put it somewheres around here.
She got an ice cream cone from the freezer. When she opened it, and found the tip of the cone was broken. She said " there's no point eating this."
I can't post a picture so here
Also, I know this isn't really a joke post, so I'll just put one here.
Where do horses live?
In a neeeeeeighborhood!
A Dad will only laugh at one.
A family for him to tell them to.
...you go father
The father he goes, the more he's kid-ding.
But I forgot
Does that make it a grand father joke?
But I already am one 😑😑
