Good bye Netflix and Chill

It’s now Disney Plus You and Me

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
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I just dropped my phone in the bath

Now it's syncing

πŸ‘︎ 396
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nerdgasm12
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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This girl on Tinder asked me why I have an unlit cigarette in my picture... I told her I’m just looking for matches.
πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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After my son’s team won the soccer tournament, their goalkeeper invited both of us to a party to celebrate.

It was the father, son, and the goalie host.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
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The Dad , the Daughter and her prayers.

A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says β€œGod bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad.” The father says, β€œGood bye Grandad? Why is that?” The daughter says, β€œJust because I felt like it.” The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can’t believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter’s prayers again. She says, β€œGod bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma.” The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, β€œJust because I felt like it.” The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn’t know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, β€œGod bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy.” The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn’t go home and stays there until midnight. He’s very surprised. β€˜I’ve cheated death!’ he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, β€œWhere have you been?!” and the husband says, β€œOh don’t ask me any questions, today’s been miserable.” The wife replies, β€œYour days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch…”

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/HereIsAFookinName
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ‘€︎ u/Amessersmith109
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2017
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He got my goat.

Dad: Bye, kidlets! Have a good day at school! Me: Don't call me that, it makes me feel like a goat. Dad: Oh, it's not that baaa-aaaad.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ‘€︎ u/thesquirrelpoop
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2014
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Dispatcher at work is clearly a dad!

Called in to get my work for the next day as I'm a student who's brought back part-time over the Christmas break.

Me: "Hi, I'm ronnockoch one of the students who is working Christmas, can I have my work for tomorrow?"

Dispatch:"Hi ronnockoch one of the students who is working Christmas, how are you?"

Conversation for about 2 minutes

Me: "Okay, see you at 5:00am tomorrow! Have a good day Dispatch!"

Dispatch:"Bye, ronnockoch one of the students who is working Christmas."

Clearly he'd fit right in here

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/ronnockoch
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2015
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Every time we leave a restaurant.

Every single time we leave a restaurant, an employee will give us the obligatory "Good bye!" to which my father says "See you tomorrow!" Makes the employees and I chuckle every time.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/firelordraggy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2013
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