If I told you I knew a convoluted joke about a golf club, a sheep, a stinging insect, a tree, and that scary clown movie...

Wood ewe bee leaf It?

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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When golfers make golf jokes

Are they just meta-fores?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boxymcboxbox
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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I was trying to come up with jokes about golf...

...but they were all subpar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gonzofish
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
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I finally hired a copy editor for my jokes about golf

I have been told the correct course.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
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No one laughs at my β€œbring an extra pair of pants when you go golfing” joke.

I guess β€œhole-in-one” jokes are sub-par.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RAClef
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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Dad joked while golfing

My dad and I went galling this morming, and a flock of birds was sitting on the fairway of the third hole as we got to the tee box. I asked him how many strokes we would get off our score if we hit a bird.

As he stepped up to address the ball, he said calmly "It's an automatic birdie."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/diesel2012
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2015
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I took two pairs of socks golfing

In case I got a hole in one

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-m-meeseeks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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Got dad joked at a wedding that was held at a golf and country club

My fiance's uncle disappeared for a couple hours after the ceremony. He walks into the reception with two golf tees in his hand and says to anyone who will listen,

"they tell me I'm a tease"

while holding up the two tees.

He spent at least an hour looking for two golf tees just so he could make that joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lady_S_87
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2014
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My brother lost a brief argument to a dad joke.

Bro: A bike's the only thing you can drive without a license.

Dad: That's not true. What about a hard bargain?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dude_Dudeman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2014
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My wife must secretly be a dad.

We were listening to the radio when a commercial came on for an event called "Golf for Autism." She turns to me and says, "well that's a shitty prize!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fusion_xgen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2014
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How far can I get...

(True Dad Joke Story)

My friend and I were coming back from golfing on what felt like the hottest day of the year when he got a flat tire on the freeway. We get out, sweat our butts off, and change the tire. I wasn’t sure how far we could go on the spare and I called my dad to see what he thought...

ME: β€œHow far can we get on a donut?”

DAD: β€œHmmm I’d probably say till lunch time!”

Needless to say I was not amused at the time - my dad thought he was a genius.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoobieWRX
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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Got my best friend today on my birthday

Happened over text message: http://imgur.com/fNLRgpZ

Him: Yeah man...I went golfing like for times last summer, I want to go more regularly this year so I don't suck quite so much haha

Me: *fore times. FTFY

Him: Jesus. A little early in life to be making dad jokes, don't you think?

Me: I'm not Jesus, I'm Kevin.

Him: Goddammit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cliffork
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2015
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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Wife just came in with some tea, perfect time for a dad joke

She came in, smiled, and said "tea time!" So of course I said 'oh I didn't know we were going golfing!'

She smacked me. Dad joke level: successful

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InfamousBLT
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2014
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Golf

I was in the car with my friends mom, on the way from the airport to go spend a week with my friend and his family in Utah. My friends dad was on speaker phone talking with my friends mom about her golf match the following day. The mom says, "It's an early match, at a place called Crater Springs." And the dad responds by asking, "Where is that, on the moon?" The car was silent until the dad and I started laughing hilariously. She got dad joked hard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/charboodie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2014
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This golf joke is sub-par.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/magnoliong
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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