Golf Jokes Puns

Wood ewe bee leaf It?

Are they just meta-fores?

...but they were all subpar

I have been told the correct course.

I guess “hole-in-one” jokes are sub-par.

My dad and I went galling this morming, and a flock of birds was sitting on the fairway of the third hole as we got to the tee box. I asked him how many strokes we would get off our score if we hit a bird.

As he stepped up to address the ball, he said calmly "It's an automatic birdie."

In case I got a hole in one

My fiance's uncle disappeared for a couple hours after the ceremony. He walks into the reception with two golf tees in his hand and says to anyone who will listen,

"they tell me I'm a tease"

while holding up the two tees.

He spent at least an hour looking for two golf tees just so he could make that joke.

Bro: A bike's the only thing you can drive without a license.

Dad: That's not true. What about a hard bargain?

We were listening to the radio when a commercial came on for an event called "Golf for Autism." She turns to me and says, "well that's a shitty prize!"

(True Dad Joke Story)

My friend and I were coming back from golfing on what felt like the hottest day of the year when he got a flat tire on the freeway. We get out, sweat our butts off, and change the tire. I wasn’t sure how far we could go on the spare and I called my dad to see what he thought...

ME: “How far can we get on a donut?”

DAD: “Hmmm I’d probably say till lunch time!”

Needless to say I was not amused at the time - my dad thought he was a genius.

Happened over text message: http://imgur.com/fNLRgpZ

Him: Yeah man...I went golfing like for times last summer, I want to go more regularly this year so I don't suck quite so much haha

Me: *fore times. FTFY

Him: Jesus. A little early in life to be making dad jokes, don't you think?

Me: I'm not Jesus, I'm Kevin.

Him: Goddammit.

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

• Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
• It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
• What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
• Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
• Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
• Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
• If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
• Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
• Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
• American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
• The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
• Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
• Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
• Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
• Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
• Rittal me this, Batman!
• Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
• Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
• If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
• When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
• You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
• Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
• Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
• Don't think Seton is

She came in, smiled, and said "tea time!" So of course I said 'oh I didn't know we were going golfing!'

She smacked me. Dad joke level: successful

I was in the car with my friends mom, on the way from the airport to go spend a week with my friend and his family in Utah. My friends dad was on speaker phone talking with my friends mom about her golf match the following day. The mom says, "It's an early match, at a place called Crater Springs." And the dad responds by asking, "Where is that, on the moon?" The car was silent until the dad and I started laughing hilariously. She got dad joked hard.