31 Hilarious Get Hard Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

What do you call an alligator who can't get hard?

Ereptile dysfunction

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👤︎ u/Chainsmoker88

📅︎ Apr 09 2021

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One look at medusa can get one rock hard

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👤︎ u/Geekfreshier

📅︎ Mar 11 2021

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Little Johnny has diarrhoea and asks his mom, "Hey mom, do you have Viagra?" The mom goes, "What? What on Earth do you need that for?" "Well, isn't that what you give dad when his shit doesn't get hard?"

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👤︎ u/M_Arslan_Tahir

📅︎ Jan 23 2021

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My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, “Dad get out of the way!”

I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”

👍︎ 16k

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👤︎ u/Colbosky

📅︎ Jun 27 2020

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Why is it so hard to get a date with a girl who likes horses?

Because she is already in a stable relationship...

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👤︎ u/Thomid

📅︎ Nov 22 2020

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Why did the snowman get a hard on?

He heard the snowblower coming

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👤︎ u/Brock_Walker

📅︎ Jul 21 2020

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This might be hard to get, but a Man walks into a tavern and..ahh forget it.

Too much of an Inn joke.

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👤︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2

📅︎ Aug 01 2020

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I was prescribed medication but I couldn't take it. It was too hard to get the lid off. You might have heard of it...

TRYOPENIN

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👤︎ u/shdchko

📅︎ May 17 2020

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I worked pretty hard at reposting this, can I get some appreciation

👍︎ 52

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👤︎ u/SeeWhatEyeSee

📅︎ Jun 14 2019

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It’s not that hard to get into the Naval Forces.

I mean, we were all semen at one point.

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👤︎ u/Iforgotmylogins

📅︎ Mar 19 2020

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My daughter asked me to get her something hard to write on

So I brought her some sand.

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👤︎ u/dandan_56

📅︎ Mar 20 2020

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It's so hard to get numbers like 3, 9, and 17 to be productive.

They literally can't even

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👤︎ u/Chateau512

📅︎ Mar 08 2020

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Why is it so hard to get trees out of the forest?

Because they’re so sticky

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👤︎ u/martianrome

📅︎ Aug 04 2019

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If sugar daddy gets hard, he becomes a caramel daddy.

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👤︎ u/IDoNotNeedAnUsername

📅︎ Nov 27 2019

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Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t

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👤︎ u/CHEEZY_21

📅︎ Oct 25 2019

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I've been trying to get with a strange woman who lives in a Motel but she's playing hard to get.

Everytime I knock on her door she won't let me Inn.

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👤︎ u/trollcitybandit

📅︎ Oct 15 2019

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How do I get hard at the same time every night?

It's just like cockwork!

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👤︎ u/Danielj6725

📅︎ Jun 08 2019

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What does a Russian bride get on her wedding day that's long and hard?

A new last name.

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👤︎ u/agent_bitchpudding

📅︎ Apr 20 2019

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What do you call a convenience store in a hard to get to place?

an inconvenience store

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👤︎ u/thebobe999

📅︎ Jun 03 2019

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What is called when a lizard can’t get hard?

Ereptile dysfunction

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👤︎ u/PolarisBear17

📅︎ May 04 2019

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Invisibility is very hard to get treated.

Call the doctor all you want, you're never going to be seen.

👍︎ 6

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👤︎ u/FluffyEskimo

📅︎ Mar 28 2019

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Male porn stars should get a raise because they always work hard. reddit.com/r/Showerthough…

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👤︎ u/scungillipig

📅︎ Dec 13 2017

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What do you call a cult that’s hard to get into?

Diffi-cult

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👤︎ u/LucaKasai

📅︎ Sep 27 2018

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Pizza jokes are really hard to get right....

....it's all in the delivery.

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👤︎ u/SoDakZak

📅︎ Sep 15 2017

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When the dogs get a hard day of work, they will say "it's a ruff day"

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👤︎ u/stefanreddit13

📅︎ Sep 09 2018

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Its so hard to get pirates to walk the plank

They never want to get on board

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👤︎ u/PaxPaw

📅︎ Jan 27 2018

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I've heard it's hard to get through College

But I've gotten through just fine!..

In the front door and out the back.

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👤︎ u/Tuxedo_Muffin

📅︎ Mar 05 2018

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What do you call it when you get a hard on from burning someone over the Internet?

E-Rekt

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👤︎ u/xMilkstachex

📅︎ Nov 17 2015

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The decision to get an abortion is a hard one to make

you don't want to make it on an empty stomach

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👤︎ u/musamiz

📅︎ Feb 08 2017

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Never get into a pun war with a dad, you will lose, no matter how hard you push...

Me: Did you see that new documentary on Constipation?

The Dad: What?

Me: It hasn't come out yet...

The Dad: Hahaha. That's a hard one.

Me: lol, indeed

The Dad: That's straining.

Me: You're pushing it, [The Dad].

The Dad: I'm not even close to being finished yet!!

Me: You are really stuck on them, aren't you?

The Dad: I am just so impacted by all this.

Me: I just can't get a good joke out...

The Dad: Oh, It's out now... I just can't drop it.

Me: lol. You may be the king of puns...

The Dad: It's an over thirty Dad thing...

His Wife: Yeah, you are full of it.

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👤︎ u/damnittohelljeb

📅︎ Dec 19 2013

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What do you get when you cross a hard playing pianist and an organ?

A sex joke.

As an upcoming new dad, first kid expected in May, I am getting my practice in!

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👤︎ u/thestamp

📅︎ Nov 10 2014

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