A list of puns related to "Gay Times"
Itβs where I learned you can tie the knot in different ways
.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
It was cancelled because it was the 60s and Americans werenβt yet ready to have a gay old time.
You either get twice the amount of dad jokes or you get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom."
Edit: On another Sub someone called me a homophobe. I want to say I'm not a homophobe it was simply a light hearted joke. I'm gay myself and wouldn't want to create hate or controversy. So sorry if I offended anyone.
Edit 2: Thanks for giving me my first award.
Edit 3: if you have heard it else where then fine Like this one guy in the comments said "Iβve seen it a few times but no doubt many people havenβt. No reason a good joke canβt be posted bc someoneβs posted it in the past."
Edit 4: making too many edits but thanks for the gold kind stranger (And all of them means alot)
Must be the high Mercury content.
Mum: looks at dad
Dad: clenches fist and sweats
Mum: No, don-
Dad: HI GAY I'M DAD
You read the title wrong.
http://imgur.com/gallery/QeW3gl4
My daughter comes home from school and plops down in the chair in front of me hands in her hair
Daughter: My Homework is SOO gay
Me: I'm glad to hear that it's LGTBY friendly
She gives me a blank stare with a few blinks for about 10 seconds
Daughter: What!? Dad.. NO! It's not that! I mean it's... Just... no!
Me: Oh! so it's happy then! I'm glad your homework had a great day at school!
My daughter exhales sharply
Daughter: Sure dad, it's Happiest homework ever!
They arenβt having a gay old time anymore.
This is the story of Jack and the Beanstalk, after the story ends. After chopping down the beanstalk, Jack realizes that heβs actually pretty damn good with an axe, and casual vegetative vandalism really struck his fancy, so he began chopping down other trees for a living. He became a traveling woodsman, and he enjoyed many years of his simple life of manual labor.
One day, as he chops wood, he hears screams from a nearby cottage. Hurriedly breaking in (because recall: jack has no problem with entering houses uninvited), he sees a cross dressing lycanthrope attempting to devour a little girl dressed all in red and her little grandmother too. Wielding his trusty axe, Jack murdered yet another fantasy creature, and safely led Little Red all the way back home. Answering the door was a beautiful woman of around his age. After sending Little Red to bed, the two of them talked for hours.
One thing led to another, and a year later they were married with a child on the way. They had a beautiful little boy named Jack Junior who followed in his fatherβs steps to become a woodsman. This was fortunate, because as Junior grew up, Jack was feeling the pain of his previous adventures. An old back injury from jumping from the beanstalk was haunting him, and over time his posture grew more and more hunched. He had a tough time working, but at least Junior was becoming a strapping young man.
One day, Jack and Junior took the long road to the grandmothers place to bring her a meal, just like that fateful trio Red took so many years ago. When they arrived, the grandmother greeted them cheerily, welcoming them in and making conversation. βOh Junior,β she said, βyouβve grown into such a handsome and strong young man. Itβs so kind of you to handle all the work so your poor father, with his bad back and all, doesnβt have to. Why donβt you have a girlfriend yet?β Junior hesitated. βWell Grandma,β he replied. βItβs because... Iβm gayβ. The close-minded, set-in-her-ways grandmaβs expression became stormy. She pulled poor hunched-over Jack into adjacent room, and whispered angrily: βJack, your life is a mess! Your posture is terrible and your son isnβt giving me any grandsons!β Jack replied: βMa, weβre happy, you canβt just-β But she interrupted. βNo excuses!β She snapped. βYou need to straighten your lumbar, Jack!β
My friend had her Facebook taken over by her brother for the second time in two days. First post was "I'm gay" to which she posted the obligatory "Oh no I left my phone unlocked" status. Today her Dad made an amazing comment on the latest status.
She found a pair of my younger brother's boxers mixed in with mine which happens from time to time in the laundry. She jokingly asked if I was having a gay affair, to which I replied, "I'm having so many gay affairs I can't keep them straight."
She just groaned and left the room.
"Hey son, what do you call a gay Blackberry?" "I dunno dad, what?" "A HOMOPHONE! HAHAHA"
He even slapped his knee a couple times.
A few years ago, my dad and I were building an addition onto his house. He rented a tool from the hardware store and had to return it, so he asked me to come with him and we would get some breakfast. There was a Burger King nearby, so we decided to stop there to eat.
When we go to the drive-through, we realize the restaurant was closed down, so he drove around the building to get back on the highway. As we were passing the dumpsters, he stopped the car, backed it up, and pointed towards the ground near the dumpster. I looked for a few seconds, trying to see what he was pointing at.
Then... I saw it.
It was a giant, 12+ inch black dildo, standing upright next to the dumpster. It propped itself up on its fake dildo balls, gently swaying in the breeze.
I was astonished. I couldn't even imagine what events in the universe had to line-up so as to end up with that giant dildo meticulously placed next to the dumpster at a closed-down Burger King. I couldn't even begin to fathom why it was there.
My dad, with perfect timing, then shouted "GAY TIMES WILL BE HAD TONIGHT!" and sped out of the parking lot.
We ended up going to Denny's.
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