Funny Grandpa Puns

That joke is my dad

Family was watching a show about the Armageddon and I asked why they chose to watch the Armageddon and not th LEGageddon. Grampa says to turn the Armageddon program Armagedoff

A friend was talking to my grandpa once about how crazy her friend was because she kept putting her puppy in the fridge.

My grandpa responded with, "well...I guess she doesn't like hot dogs then eh?"

Me:"What have you been up to lately?" Gramps:"About 5 foot 11."

We were out in our yard and a v of geese flew over. We both looked up and he said "You know why one side of the v is longer than the other?" Now I was expecting some intelligent response so, intrigued, I said "no why?" He just turned to me and with a completely straight face said "Well there's more geese on that side" and continued working. I still laugh like crazy when I think of it.

I'm out to dinner with my family and my grandpa starts sniffling a bit. So he pulls out one of his super old patterned handkerchiefs and says "my nose keeps running". He then quickly grabs his nose, handkerchief in hand and yells "got it!" super loud in the restaurant were at. While he's laughing at his own joke he goes "that's funny right there" and keeps laughing and partially retelling the joke.

I'm proud to be his grandson.

Took my precious grandparents to Cold Stone for a late night snack. After waiting line, trying many samples and finally ordering and getting our ice cream, my grandma goes to pay. After some searching, she hands the cashier her rewards card and continues to search for her money. After a little more fumbling, she looks up to see the cashier with a funny look on her face and tells my grandma she can't use that card. My grandma is confused and asks, "why, is it expired?" To which the young girl responds, "no, it's just that we're not Ohmaha Steaks."

My grandma is super embarrassed and my grandpa turns to me and says, "it seems your grandma has a case of cardszheimers."

Grandpa: When I picked up my shell it just cracked up. Dad: Well did you tell it a funny joke? the only one laughing

This all happened in french so you none french speaking folk might not find this very funny. I saw /u/OHDEERGOAT post his Swedish dad joke and it reminded me of this. On a road trip a while back, I spotted some sort of bird of prey (means rapasse in french, which also sounds like repasse which means to return) so I tell my GrandPa about it. He says, "you know kid, bird of prey, ça passe et ça rapasse."

He's dead now, but we will all remember him for his sense of humour.

So, Grandpa, you can't fly for a bit then? (He had eye surgery, can't fly due to changing pressure or something)

"Yeah, but mostly because I don't have wings"

No one else found it as funny as I did unfortunately

My grandparents on my dad's side would always have my brother and I over for Christmas when we were younger (around when I was 5-10 and my brother was 9-14). They always had a little tree in addition to their big one. The small tree had a bunch of those stereotypical ornaments (round, plain, solid color) in a bunch of different colors. My brother and I would always have fun counting the number of a specific color of ornament separately, then comparing our answers. However, every time we would, we would get different answers, so we'd recount, then get different answers again!

Anyway, just this last year (me being 18, my brother being 22), we reminded our grandfather of this. He laughed, said he remembered it, then said "well, why don't you count up the red ones again, see what you get? I'll tell you if you're right."

We agreed, and got to it. We each counted 3 times separately, then compared, then decided to average them. We got around 24 for the red ones, so went to tell our grandpa. After saying we weren't sure, we asked how many there were. He laughed and said "Darn, I don't know! I was hoping you guys could get a number so I wouldn't have to!"

Not that funny when retold, but it was hilarious then

So here's a little info to understand the joke. My dad has a giant abscess on his arm, and my grandpa found out from a friend that if you put a potato slice on your abscess, it will come to a head or something. So here's what happened. Grandpa:" go tell your dad to put a potato on his arm. "

• I walk to dad's bedroom to tell him that * Me: "ummm grandpa says to put a potato on your arm." Okay so for some reason, my dad must've taken it as a silly insult so he proceeds to say "oh yeah? Well tell him i said to stick a carrot to his head!" I don't know why it was so funny but oh Lord it was.