This is the sixth part of my write-up. You can read the other parts here.
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Part 1 - Beta and Vanilla
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Part 2 - Burning Crusade
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Part 3 - Wrath of the Lich King
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Part 4 - Cataclysm
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Part 5 - Mists of Pandaria
#Part 6 – Warlords of Draenor
The Warcraft Movie
This might seem like a bizarre topic to start with, but stay with me here. It all links together.
On 9th May 2006, a Blizzard press release announced the production of a live-action movie set in the Warcraft universe, in partnership with Legendary Pictures. Fans were euphoric. Blizzard’s cinematic trailers had some of the best CGI in the world. Even today, they have never released a bad one. Fans wanted something like that, only 90 minutes long.
>"We searched for a very long time to find the right studio for developing a movie based on one of our game universes," said Paul Sams, chief operating officer of Blizzard Entertainment. "Many companies approached us in the past, but it wasn't until we met with Legendary Pictures that we felt we'd found the perfect partner. They clearly share our high standards for creative development, and because they understand the vision that we've always strived for with our Warcraft games, we feel there isn't a better studio out there for bringing the Warcraft story to film."
However good their intentions may have been, the film would linger in production hell for a decade before seeing the light of day. It was scheduled to hit theatres in 2009 under the direction of Sam Raimi (of Spiderman fame), but it was still only in its early stages when Blizzcon 2011 came around..
Uwe Boll, grim reaper of video game adaptations, tried to get h
... keep reading on reddit ➡Finally, answers! I hope you enjoy this one, and I promise Part 6 is on the way.
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March 24, 2034. Capital, Alliance Research Colony 00.
As Governor-General Erril looked out the window of the tower over what remained of his colony, he wondered what had gone so wrong. What just hours before had been one of the most beautiful and productive colonies in Alliance space was reduced to a husk, with fire and destruction bathing the streets of his city.
“Watch the doors!” One of his personal guard shouted as the five remaining men barricaded the only door into the room. Despite all the planning, all the preparation, the Humans had rolled through their defenses as if they weren’t there! Perhaps they’d underestimated the symbolic value of the planet, and overestimated the strength of their own men.
There was a banging on the other side of the door, and the soldiers trained their plasma rifles on it: the Humans were on the other side. Erril drew his pistol, hoping to at least go out shooting. This hopelessness must have been what the original inhabitants of this world felt, the last time he had seen it, as a young gunnery officer: a terrible but necessary act.
The banging on the other side of the door went silent. They could hear murmurs of the Humans speaking to one another, but none understood. There was a few tense moments of silence. And Erril briefly hoped they had left. Then someone on the other side shouted: “Detonating Breacher!” And before anyone could react the door exploded.
Erril was thrown to the floor by the blast, his gun leaving his hands as his ears rang. Before he could gather his wits or even sit up a boot was planted firmly on his chest, holding him down. The creature looming over him was Human, it’s face dirty with ash and dirt but clearly angry: he was clad in a simple combat uniform, his clothes and helmet in an urban camouflage. “Looks like this is him, sir.” The Human said to another of the six that entered the room, making sure that his guards were dead.
“Williams, get on that terminal and get what you can. Inform battalion command we've taken the building." The Human leader ordered a female Human, who then started
... keep reading on reddit ➡Jason smiled as the shuttle screamed out into the open sky.
“Well, relatively open,” he murmured to himself as he stared at the stormy clouds above.
Maybel paused in her open-mouthed staring to turn back to him. “You say something?”
“Nothing worth mentioning.” He shook his head, only to grunt as a sudden gust of wind had the craft leaning to the left. Shifting the flight stick, he soon had the shuttle leveled out, though it wasn’t long at all before he was compensating in the opposite direction.
The stormy open skies of Raknos-Three were fun like that.
Though it still beats scraping paint across cave walls, he thought, before glancing up at the storm clouds above. Though how long I’ll be able to maintain that opinion remains to be seen.
After all, the complete lack of aerospace craft in the planet’s atmosphere had not come about as a result of a lack of desire for aerial superiority on the Imperium’s part. No, the reason no one flew anything ‘in-atmosphere’ was because doing so was considered borderline suicidal – what with the wind, rain, lightning and occasional absurdly tall mountain.
As if to punctuate his thoughts, a massive bolt of lightning streaked across the skies above him. Which he could only barely make out through the rain that was even now occluding his external cameras – despite said camera’s wipers best attempts to alleviate it. Between that and the ionization in the air obstructing his sensors, he was effectively flying blind.
How fortunate for him, he needed only to go up - into a storm so large it would have quite effectively covered a good chunk of the North American continent.
“Jason…”
He looked over to see that Maybel had gotten over her awe at being the very first Ufrian to fly and was now staring through the murky windscreen up at the foreboding sky above them with an expression that pretty well mirrored how he felt.
“…are you sure this is a good idea?”
Jason glanced down at the many yellow lights that lit up his dashboard. Everyone of which could have independently told him that what he was about to attempt was a very bad idea. Hell, even if they were all blue, this would have been a bad idea.
“Sure,” he said, trying to put a brave face on it. For Maybel’s sake if nothing else. “This’ll be a piece of cake.”
The alien cocked her head to the side. “Cake?”
Jason pulled up on the stick, feeling the subtle sensation of acceleration even through the anti-grav as he angled up towards the storm.
“When we make it out of
... keep reading on reddit ➡Author note: The Cryopod to Hell is a Reddit-exclusive story with over three years of editing and refining. As of this post, the total rewrite is 1,389,000+ words long! For more information, check out the link below:
Join the Cryoverse Discord server!
Here's a list of all Cryopod's chapters, along with an ePub/Mobi/PDF version!
Want to stay up to date on TCTH? Subscribe to Cryopodbot!
...................................
(Part 001)
...
Jason teleports himself and Belial back to the edge of the Fortress of Retribution, just inside its crystalline walls, but away from the populated areas. He observes the inside of the Hatoraxia for a few moments using his Wordsmithing and listens to the conversation between Kordonis and Miikil while his mind-wife works in secret.
"Alright," Phoebe says. "I've updated the files. You should be able to transform all the existing 'Spatial Pylons' into their updated configuration."
These pylons, the same ones she made during the Stormbringer Invasion to 'harden' the space around Tarus II and make it impervious to Warpers opening portals, now sit in hundreds of pre-selected locations around the world of Tarus II, all casting a net of spatial-strengthening magic to envelop the planet.
Thanks to her technical expertise, Phoebe adds a new function to them, one which requires a mass-update of all their internal workings.
Jason nods, while listening to Kordonis's words. "Alright. Thanks, honey."
Belial raises an eyebrow when she hears Jason say that, but immediately realizes he's talking to his mind-wife and not her.
"What's up?" Belial asks. "You planning something?"
"The Volgrim came here ahead of schedule," Jason answers, "But I had Phoebe prep a possible solution to them in case they ever were to reveal themselves. While we chatted with that Kordonis fellow, she finished her work. One moment."
Jason inhales deeply and closes his eyes. He focuses his mind, reaching into th
... keep reading on reddit ➡Interstellar Design Consortium Conference
“I always love seeing all the small updates and upgrades to design all the different species have,” Tyber rippled gleefully.
“Yeah, yeah, the same stuff as last year with all the normal minimum changes needed to qualify to even come to the conference,” Cesar bemoaned, shaking themselves a bit.
“Come on. It’s not that bad. Besides, you know the conference is where the new species get to show off their own designs. What could be more exciting than seeing how a new species designs their spacecraft?” Tyber refused to give into Cesar’s energy.
“I suppose, but there are only so many ways to build vessels that you reach a point where a Bullockian cruiser and a Wenian cruiser are practically indistinguishable.”
Cesar gripped a piece of food, assured that the day would be filled with excessive treats; so some decent food should be obtained at least.
“Maybe to the entirely untrained eye, but those two species’ vessels look nothing alike to us,” Tyber also decided that food was a good idea.
“Did you actually read the brochure?” Cesar prompted.
“More or less. There’s going to be several exhibitions of the latest improvements,” Tyber said.
“And you apparently didn’t notice that they moved halls specifically for this solar cycle,” Cesar mentioned.
“So?”
“When in the last 100 solar cycles has the conference moved from the normal exhibition hall?” Cesar asked.
This required a bit of thought by Tyber.
“Not since the Julans joined and first attended the conference. Their design principles were so radical, the conference council moved the conference just to be able to give them adequate exhibition space,” Tyber said, recounting as though reading or recounting one of their design teachers, before looking back at Cesar. “Why?”
Cesar was busy eating and so did not immediately respond. Luckily Tyber was there and hated silence.
“Oh! You think that one of the new species maybe has something similar?” Tyber asked, their excited energy returning.
Cesar rippled in response.
“I want to go see these new designs then. This will be so much fun!” Tyber said, practically towing Cesar away from the food towards the auto-transports.
–
“What’s… what’s this?” Tyber exclaimed.
The view before Tyber was alien. There was no other word for it.
As far as Tyber could tell and see, one of the new species had so many different designs, the conference had given them not two, but five rows of exhibition space. Such a quantity of space
... keep reading on reddit ➡Many years have passed since "Deliverance" arkship left Solar system. Crew fell into artificial slumber as soon as all systems were working properly and onboard AI took their place. All of them had dreams and those varied greatly: happy memories before the massive mobilization, sad longing for the abandoned loved ones, nightmares of what awaited in the darkness of space, and so on. But soon to be woken up crew knew one thing: future colonists will sleep for a WHILE, since Deathworlds (especially similar to Earth) weren't exactly common. Which could be said about any kind of habitable planet, really.
"Initiating Awakening Sequence." declared the AI, processing data and controlling not only "Deliverance", but also other ships of their small fleet. She - yes, it had a distinct gender - felt as designated cryo-pods got order to revegetate their contents and wake the crew up. First to open his eyes was, obviously, the human leader of the whole fleet. "Good morning, my brave space cosmonaut~"
"Morning... MILF." Mankind's humor had a funny way of surfacing in any situation. No matter if it is just a drink with friends, a massive funeral, an involuntary autopsy or a world-threatening crisis. Because only very funny engineers and programmers would call AI, whose purpose was to guide the last hope of human species, as an anime term with a very horny subtext. "Ouch... these things are not as comfortable as we were told..."
"Don't worry, sweetheart, mommy will take care of everything." sweet voice of the female AI definitely soothed the cramps Supreme Commander Sebastian Silverhead felt after the awakening. Or perhaps those were just medical devices, implemented into cryo-capsules, that returned body to optimal shape. Yet still, it was very nice to wake up to the loving, feminine and motherly voice instead of the cold, calculated, mechanical one.
"Thank you, MILF." Sebastian yawned and stretched, feeling much better. "Report."
"We have entered a system with several points of interest that require crew and commander to make a decision. I would never bother my sleeping sunshine for nothing~" MILF managed to be both professional and not. Several holographic screens appeared before the Supreme Commander, showing several long-ranged video feeds. "Firstly, my sensors just picked up an unknown contact in the atmosphere of a nearby planet. Judging by distant scans, it is a stationary spaceship. And secondly, planet below it has signs of complex life and possibly has ha
... keep reading on reddit ➡Previous/Next
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“Alright, so what’s the plan?” Rylan demanded, slamming his hands down on the dorm table for dramatic effect.
“...try not to get stalked by the headmaster?” Lylith said sarcastically. “That’d be pretty nice. Having privacy and all.”
“Alright, and how are we going to do that?” Rylan continued, looking around the table.
Thomas and Javqua glanced at each other awkwardly, David, on the other hand, remained silent as a stone. Valus didn’t seem to have anything to say either, the insectoid fidgeting with his manipulators.
“C’mon guys! There’s six of us! Nobody can think of anything?” Rylan complained, his movements exaggerated.
“Why don’t we…” Valus spoke up, before stopping.
“What is it?” Rylan said.
“I-forget it.” Valus sighed, but Rylan shook his head.
“Let’s still hear it. One bad idea is better than no ideas,” he protested, which made Lylith snort.
“Is it though?” She asked, and Rylan huffed.
“W-well, I was going to suggest that…b-because the cameras will have their footage s-sent to the headmaster - we need to enter his apartment floor to try and find the video files in his device,” Valus explained. “Then, we’ll have proof that h-he was watching us, and we can act from there.”
There was a pause at the table as everyone considered Valus’s plan.
They were all suddenly pulled out of their thoughts by a rather loud sigh of annoyance. Thomas let the last bit of air out from his lungs as the group turned to him. “That still doesn't change the fact that we’re illegally obtaining this info…” He said, exasperation clear in his voice.
“Well… if you think about it, our human nations won’t really care how we got the info - they’d probably just say it's classified if anyone asked. As long as we manage to prove to them that this is going on, they’ll be on our side.” Lylith said thoughtfully.
Murmurs of agreement bounced back and forth between the group
“But can you do it?” Thomas asked.
“I-I don’t know,” Valus admitted. “I noticed that the h-headmaster’s been staying inside a lot. We’ll need a distraction.” He said.
... keep reading on reddit ➡I wanted to put together a comprehensive list of EVERYTHING we are missing on the global server. Use this to inspire you in the boycott, as fodder for your messages to the devs, etc.
Missing events and regular features:
- It has been 1 year since we last had a new home wish court. There are now 12 that have debuted on CN that we are missing. Album: https://imgur.com/a/ZtUNooA
- It has been 7 months since we last had a rerun wish court, also. Some (Cat Cafe, Dream in Flower, Castle Thrill, Adventurer's Bar, Christmas Eve, Time Collection) only ran twice and have not been seen in 2+ years. Others (Sunday's Street, Nikki's Memory House, Mansion of Dawn Light, Momo's Paradise, Muntratus Temple) have never rerun at all in more than 1 year. Refer to this sheet for a timeline. (Thanks u/snow_petals)
- It has been 6 months since we last had a new co-op suit. Before Ink Painting, we waited eight months for a co-op suit. There are 6 on CN that we are missing. Album: https://lensdump.com/a/8zVF7
- It has been 5 months since we had a new Dreamweaver spirit. There are 8 on CN that we are missing. 5 of the ones we are missing are free and permanent, and 4 of those are from 2019 and prior. (Thanks u/Evinya) Album: https://lensdump.com/a/8dRHv
- Many spirits are also long overdue to rerun. There are 7 spirits which have not returned in any form for more than 1 year. Refer to this sheet for the specifics. (Thanks u/Lilith-awaken and u/snow_petals)
- It’s been more than 1 year since we had a new suit in the Association Store. There are 5 on CN that we are missing. Album: https://lensdump.com/a/8phkQ
- We had only one small update to Around the World ever since it debuted more than 2 years ago. We are missing many backgrounds and locations. Album: https://imgur.com/a/20Wokc6
- We have never gotten new home furniture crafting sets since the feature debuted 3.5 years ago. There are two new crafting sets in CN. Album: https://imgur.com/a/hl1MbYa
- Welfares. I counted **more than 60 welfare suits, items, and events that w
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Thanks to Darth_Android, Fern_Vale, AMERICUH, dragon_slayer97, MidnightSon98, Mr_Polygon, Krystalin, Ripley, Ethen, Gruecifer, Mamish, Vikairious, Benjamin Durbin, Gaelan_Darkwater, Sam_Berry, LilLaussa, Daddy_Talon, Konrahd_Verdammt, Siddabear, Matthew Adams, Artifex, and everyone else supporting me on Patreon.
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I missed you all! -SB
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“You’ll have to pardon the delay. I wasn’t told to expect a diplomatic meeting,” Darius said, approaching the trio of Russell, Io, and Nerazek as they walked slowly between rows, shelves, and lockers of personal arms. He had a well used cloth in one hand that at some point in its life had likely been a pristine white. It was now a patchwork of gray and black smudges, testament to its long service cleaning spent gunpowder residue and lubricant. The well built, dark haired Persian wiped his hand and then extended it to Nerazek, looking between Russell and Io to see if there would be any help with communication. “Strong grip and plenty of calluses? I think I might like this alien.”
“He says he appreciates your work,” Russell paraphrased approvingly before Io rolled her eyes and provided a more literal translation. She didn’t think it that winging it was quite appropriate given the situation. Nerazek grunted in response and spoke for a moment, reassured that the human seemed to understand the realities of a craftsman’s life. Russell translated for Darius’ benefit. “He wants to know if you made everything here.”
“You don’t need me to answer that question,” Darius insisted. “But you can tell him that I look after them, to an extent. Don’t think this means you can slack on your own gear by the way. There was a lot of dirt in the barrel of your rifle.”
‘Before you say something self-assured and snarky, we had a fabricator on the planet. And your personal weapons are not the purpose of this visit. I am actually unsure of the purpose of this visit,’ Io declared, hand on her hip. ‘We shouldn’t waste Nerazek or Admiral Kaczynski’s time.’
“I’ll second that,” Darius added, hand in his pocket as he and the alien scrutinized one another. There was plenty he didn’t understand, but he understood heavy leather aprons and to
... keep reading on reddit ➡Roughly Ten Minutes Prior
"Well that was egregiously terrifying," Rob said, as he ran down the streets of Broadwater City. "I don't think I should be allowed to have ideas anymore."
<If I had a body, and pants, I would've shit them.> Diplomacy's core pulsed with fear. <When she looked at us...>
"Yeah." A shudder ran up and down Rob's spine. "Yeeeeah. Well, we distracted Queenie long enough for the Blight to injure her, and we've gone thirty seconds without being barbecued, so I'm counting this as an absolute win."
They left it at that. Neither of them wanted to focus on the image of those blazing, hate-filled eyes staring into their souls. It had already burnt itself into their memories; no need to give the impending nightmares more fuel.
The streets of Broadwater were vacant as Rob sprinted towards the designated teleportation circle. Hopefully that was a sign that everyone was at the rendezvous point and ready to be evacuated. If the Dragon Queen's injuries weren't as bad as they seemed when Rob caught his last glimpse of her, then not only would she be coming for them after she'd finished char-broiling the Blight, but it meant that she was so freakishly powerful that fighting her was impossible. The Deserters and Fiends would need to teleport to safety right away, and any stragglers left behind would just have to deal with the raw hand they'd been dealt.
Rob was fully aware that he was dangerously close to becoming one of those stragglers. How long was left until the circle was ready, exactly? Five minutes? Three? He didn't have a watch, and keeping track of time had never been his strong suit. Usually he'd remove a member of his Party in order to send a long-distance message, but this whole plan was spur of the moment, so he hadn't gotten the chance to set up any callsigns in advance. The good news was that Queenie didn't seem willing or able to follow him, though, so he should be okay even if he arrived at the evacuation spot a little late.
...They wouldn't just...leave, right? Like, if the Dragon Queen was divebombing them out of the sky, that was different. No hard feelings if they needed to bail under those circumstances. But if he was just a teeeeensy bit late to the meetup time, and no impending danger was forthcoming, then he should be fine, right? The Fiends would totally delay...escaping to their beloved homeland...for the sake of a...Human.
Oh goodie, Step of the Wind is back up. He activated it in a heartbeat an
... keep reading on reddit ➡3 Days Later
Sylpeiros nodded towards the Reviton civilians as he passed by them on the streets, a resolute expression on his face. He gave several more resolute nods to his direct subordinates as he entered the Reviton Defense Force's main base of operations. He kept nodding resolutely all the way until he reached his personal quarters, whereupon he collapsed into his chair – like a puppet with its strings cut – and closed his eyes.
Tiring, he thought. So tiring. Every day I feel more like a show horse brought out and trotted among the public for their amusement.
The sensation was unfamiliar and unwanted. Putting on a strong front for the public didn't used to weigh on him to this degree. Even the transitory excitement of finally leveling from 74 to 75 had faded all too quickly. Then again, he'd never needed to bear the brunt of their expectations for such a long period of time. Months of isolation under a siege of hellish abominations was fraying on everyone's nerves, his included.
Their only saving grace was that, of late, the abominations' attacks had weakened. The first turning point came about when Sylpeiros expunged the nearby Dungeon; his scholars' theory that the Dungeon was connected to the Blight in some fashion ended up being correct. Afterwards, the frequency with which those twisted creatures materialized out of the ambient mana surrounding Reviton lessened. The second turning point was far more recent, occurring just three days ago. For no discernible reason, every Blight-sired abomination simultaneously froze in the middle of combat, expressions of shocked confusion plastered onto their faces. They stood perfectly still as they were butchered, and since then, even fewer were forming than before.
Sylpeiros hadn't the faintest idea of why, but he wasn't going to spurn a much-needed reprieve. Mages and scholars would figure out the cause – his purpose was to slay enemies and nod resolutely.
And to engage in unwanted conversation. Sylpeiros allowed himself fifteen minutes of rest before dragging himself over to the Message Crystal tucked away in the corner of his room. Nothing would come of this correspondence, of that he was certain, but it was his duty as Seneschal to try regardless. With a pained grimace, he activated the Message Crystal, used it to contact the adjoining Crystal in Dragonkin territory, and waited.
Forty fucking minutes later, someone finally answered. "Hello?" A voice said, sounding haggard. "Who is this?"
... keep reading on reddit ➡Author note: The Cryopod to Hell is a Reddit-exclusive story with over three years of editing and refining. As of this post, the total rewrite is 1,345,000+ words long! For more information, check out the link below:
Join the Cryoverse Discord server!
Here's a list of all Cryopod's chapters, along with an ePub/Mobi/PDF version!
Want to stay up to date on TCTH? Subscribe to Cryopodbot!
...................................
(Part 001)
...
Sangin Kordonis, Invocator Miikil, and the other twenty members of the Hatoraxia's Bridge crew all sit, stand, or hover inside a large 'skybus,' one of the common machines used to travel across Volgarius's surface. The rather large vehicle boasts relatively comfortable accomodations for all different types of Volgrim, particularly Technopaths.
Unlike Psions, Changelings, or the other subspecies of Volgrim, Technopaths all boast wildly varied body and augmentation types. Some walk on bionic legs, some roll on treads, and some hover through the air. The older a Technopath, the more of their body they tend to convert to machinery over the years, gladly giving up their weak biological vessels for the comfort and utility of steel.
As for Sangin Kordonis, he walks on two exo-steel legs, each one capable of not only bearing incredible loads, but also stomping inferior biological skulls into meat paste. The rest of his wrinkled and withered body, however, still appears mostly biological. As a young Technopath, only 14,000 orbital cycles of age, he has not yet made any permanent choices regarding his 'upper augmentations.'
Kordonis takes a seat beside Invocator Miikil. Both of them relax as restraining beams wrap around their chests, ensuring that if any accidents happen to their vehicle, they won't go flying around inside the cabin and suffer any injuries. The other Technopaths sport different types of bodily augments, so some of them remain standing, since they
... keep reading on reddit ➡“Sorry Yaro, but I agree with Jason.”
Jason’s eyes widened in surprise as Nora stepped away from Yaro’s prone body.
“The fuck did you do?” he asked, rushing over to check on her. He winced as the action jostled his injured arm.
“Calm down,” Nora said. “I just hit her with a sedative.”
Feeling that her pulse was still beating strong, Jason sighed in relief. Glancing back up, he saw that Nora was brandishing a now empty syringe.
He exhaled. “Why the fuck do you even have that?”
She shrugged, stowing the used needle away in a pouch at her belt. “I borrowed a few from medical. Given you’re… you, I figured I might have to break up a fight non-lethally at some point. And given that most folk walk around in armor that can easily bounce a stun-shot, and I don’t have an MP override, I decided I needed a means of taking someone down without physically having to wrestle them.” She glanced down at Yaro. “Because, between you and me, I don’t think the odds would have been in our favor if she’d decided to make this physical.”
Clever, Jason admitted mentally. Those needles would go right through someone’s suit.
Sighing, he stood up and dusted himself off. “So, I assume you’re with me?”
“Nope. I’m staying here. Yaro was right on that point at least: a military can’t function if everyone decides to just run off and do their own thing.” She paused. “No matter how they might feel about their commanders.”
“Then why did you…” He trailed off, reduced to awkwardly gesticulating to where Yaro lay on her back.
“Because you’re also right.” Nora leaned down, running a hand through the downed woman’s fur with surprising delicacy. “Gremp would never go for what you’re planning - and we’re all probably going to die here unless something changes.” She shrugged. “So I might as well let you have a shot at saving us all.”
Jason stared at her oddly, only belatedly realizing that in aiding him, she’d just betrayed someone she likely thought of as a friend. Hell, she was probably closer with Yaro than she was with him.
“You’re an odd woman Nora,” he said finally.
“I don’t want to hear that from you of all people.” She looked back up at him, features twisting into an odd little smile. “Now, you better get going before someone comes over to ask why we’re both standing over a passed out Rakiri.”
Jason smiled wryly at that, but put her words into action as he turned to leave, pausing only for a moment.
“Take care of her for me,” he said finally.
“I will.”
Satisfied, he conti
... keep reading on reddit ➡-----
A/N: I am back from my December break. Thank you everyone for waiting. Please consider supporting my writing efforts on Patreon. You can follow this story and be alerted when new chapters release via fanfiction.net.
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“Goddamn, that is not what I was expecting,” Thorson complained, clutching his head as he fought off a bout of nausea. Not since the earliest days of getting to know Laffey had he experienced such an unpleasant linking experience with a kansen. He brushed himself off and took a look around. “Well, that would explain a few things. I guess she wasn’t ready. Can’t say I’m thrilled to be back here though. I wonder if they all look like this.”
The Commander walked a short distance across the sickly black-purple water of the mirror sea to where Kaga was floating gently. He supposed he could probably fly, shoot lasers from his eyes, or any other number of absurd things given that he was in a pocket dimension within a kansen’s mind, but that was only true if everything else held true. And he wasn’t willing to stake his eyeballs on that assumption, much less Kaga’s sanity. She was surprisingly light as he took her into his arms, partly because not a drop of the ‘water’ clung to her body, hair, or clothing. “Hey, you alright? Kaga?”
Thorson took a knee, holding her upper body to his chest as an uneasy feeling came over him that had nothing to do with the discomfort of the link itself. It felt like something tugging at his being, the force centered on the shard in his chest. Looking down, he saw Kaga’s brows furrowed as though deep in unpleasant thought. His eyes flicked back to the horizon, scanning it for any sign of the Siren, but he saw nothing. “What the hell is going on here? How did Laffey… I suppose a ship is different from a Siren. Kaga, wake up damnit!”
Kaga did more than that, putting sudden force into her legs and toppling them as she went for his throat for a split second. The kitsune then collapsed atop him, holding her head in pain and crying out. “Stop this, please! I can’t take it!”
The pull against Thorson’s body grew in force as he held onto Kaga, flat on his back. He began to hear laughter on the winds, distant but maniacal and threatening. “Kaga, it’s Thorson. What’s happening?” he demanded, trying to right them once more. Her
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
My second story on here. This one was fun to think up and i hope you enjoy the concept as much as I have.
“Hello students. I am glad you are all here and congratulations on almost completing your final year at the Greater Galactic Medical institute”
Xen took a minute to finish taking in the gathered crowd of eager students form the fifteen or so species that made up the known galactic community.
“you might not know me so to properly introduce myself I am Doctor Xen; I was part of the first contact team that for the past four years has been working with the humans on bringing them into our united group.”
At this many of the students started murmuring, xen had expected this. Humans were still new to much of the galaxy and were quite the topic of debate and wonder. Due to the fact that they came from Sol 3 a class 12B death world, No doubt the stories that they told and that were told of them supported this ridiculous notion. Soon the room quieted down, and a couple of students raised their hand as expected of young and inquisitive minds.
“Please save your questions for later as my topic for today will hopefully answer some, and most likely give you ten-fold more than you had, as learning about humans usually tends to.”
At that many of the students did their equivalent of a nervous laugh, and those with their hands up put them down. A couple of seconds later the room was quiet.
“To start off it is important that you understand something fundamental about humans that applies in every aspect of their lives, this is that there is no steadfast rule that can lock humans down. There are trends and things that are more common but there is always something that will bend or break that trend.”
The mutters from the room confirmed that many of the students had gathered this from the stories that had filtered out to the community about the absolute chaos that humans could bring.
“That is not what I am here to talk to you about today. I have been brought here to give advice to all of you and a warning to some. You see after the usual diplomatic dance, when our peoples started sharing information with the humans, my medical team noted something unique about their body that sets them apart from all other known sentient peoples.”
Xen took a moment to look over the group gathered before him now as quiet as a statue, he knew that they were wondering what further oddity of the humans he was about to explain to them.
“There is no definitive term for this yet
... keep reading on reddit ➡The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”
“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.
[Chapter 1] ; [Previous Chapter] ; [Discord + Wiki]
Chapter 40 – New friends, old enemies
Disoriented, Shida rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, her alarm loudly blaring in her ears. How long had she slept for?
With effort, she turned herself around so that she could get the annoying device to shut up while simultaneously checking the time on the terminal. It was the fourth hour of the day. Of course, it was. She had set the alarm to this time herself, after all.
After staring at the time slowly ticking up for nearly two minutes, she finally groaned and strenuously pushed herself up from the uncomfortable futon, which formed the only barrier between her and the cold, hard floor.
The accommodations on Congloarch’s ship left a lot to be desired, since they were basically cobbled together from the equipment made for a very different crew that usually inhabited the vessel.
Not that she couldn’t make it work, but it wasn’t exactly comfortable.
Absently, she skulked through the cabin on her way to the washroom, dropping her current change of clothes on the way. Then she stepped into the way-too-large-for-her sanitary unit and turned on the hot water, feeling the fluid flow over her with strong pressure, while she supported herself by leaning against the unit’s wall with both hands.
Her wet mane, made heavy from the water, hung down around her face in dense tufts, forming a thick, dark curtain that blocked out the world around her as the water rushed over her. She stood like that for a while, letting herself be doused before finally finding the energy to actually wash herself off.
A few minutes later, she finished by rinsing out her hair, pressing the water out of it between her fingers while turning off the flow and turning on the drying function instead.
The warm air blew in her face and through her hair, quickly taking away the damp feeling the shower had left behind and leaving her warm and with a fluffed-up mane. Since she really didn’t want to trade in this warm feeling for immediately being cold again, she skipped the next step of just standing around and waiting for things to happen and instead opted to immediately get dressed again.
Leaving the washroom with quick steps, she walked back out into
... keep reading on reddit ➡-----
A/N: I hope to have some new art for this story in hand soon in the future. In the meantime, you can check out Akella's Patreon or Twitter, where he's done a sketch or two recently.
-----
“Seth, is this a trigger word for you?” Keiko asked quietly, feeling extremely foolish as she held up her device with the notetaking function open and the word ‘breed’ typed out in large letters. She thought the sharp exhalation through his nose might have been some sort of laugh or chuckle, but his face didn’t follow suit.
“You have definitely been watching too many vids, my Lady. Biometric scanners in the walls and brainwashing? What will be next, I wonder?” he replied. She only forgave his sarcasm because she understood she was very much the aggravator in the situation. The wild dog tucked the technology away and sat on their hotel room bed.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t even bother to check for bugs and things,” she recalled. He pulled back his cloak slightly, revealing the same device she’d seen on his person during their foray into the Oasis back in the Capital.
“It will become second nature to you eventually, my Lady. Sooner rather than later would be ideal, but one cannot force these things,” Seth explained. She placed her hands in her lap.
“So what was that then, Seth? What just happened between us? What happened to you to make you behave like that?” she inquired, trying to keep the desperation out of her tone. The mercenary, seated in the one chair the room possessed, appeared to be looking through the walls again. She tried to frame her inquiry. “I know I’m probably asking far too much of you but-”
“You need to trust me and you think that you might be able to heal what was done to me,” Seth interrupted, a general loathing and disdain in his tone that seemed more directed at the world than at her. “Because you believe humans are somehow different from any of you animals.”
Keiko blinked rapidly, trying to process the fact that he’d just called her an animal. Such a statement was not a slur per se, but it was certainly an insult when directed at a faunum, a being that existed somewhere between man and beast. “S-Seth?”
“It occurs to me that you are right, Lady Keiko. So perhaps I will share this story with you after all. It’s not as though I weep bitter tears over it. I am alive, while the perpetrators are most de
... keep reading on reddit ➡December 3, 1940
“Annette?! Annette?! Are you in here?” The woman ran from room to room, trying to ignore the blare of the air raid sirens or the subtle shake of the ground that said the German bombs were getting too close for comfort.
“Yes, yes, I’m in here!” Annette Valkyrie, the acting CEO of Valkyrie Motorworks, was seated at a drafting table reviewing proposals, seemingly unconcerned about the situation outside. “What is it, Caitlyn?”
“I know you’re not deaf!” she shouts. The ground shakes slightly. “We have to get to the shelter!” The Chief Engineer looks about ready to tear hair out… hers, or maybe Annette’s. Maybe both.
“Those bombs are falling near the harbor. They aren’t anywhere near us,” replies Annette, matter of factly.
“Near us yet. You ridiculous…” Caitlyn throws up her hands. “Bring those to the shelter with you.”
Annette sighs and looks up, the flicker of her single candle just barely illuminating her face. “If you insist, then…”
“I do! Come on!”
The CEO barely has a change to gather her documents loosely into her arms, and one floats out of her grasp as she’s grabbed by her chief engineer and spirited away. As they run through the darkness of the factory, the way forward illuminated only by a weak hand torch, they hear the blasts of falling bombs drawing closer and the repeating booms of the anti-aircraft batteries stationed near the Motorworks. As they exit through the front doors, Caitlyn turns off her torch.
“Alright,” concedes Annette. “They’re close, but that doesn’t mean…”
There’s a loud boom from somewhere behind them.
“Keep going, we’re almost there!”
The Stanton Shelter: \"Way more comfortable than getting blown up\"
As usual, Caitlyn was right, and a moment later Annette feels herself lifted off her feet and practically tackled into the shelter near the factory complex’s front gates. She lands on her back, her chief engineer atop her. She huffs indignantly and starts to squirm before she hears another series of blasts from outside. She goes still. Yet more blasts, and light flickering off the silhouette of the door. She takes a deep breath, and neither woman moves from where they had landed in the dirt.
“… maybe not just the harbor,” Annette admits, meekly.
“… at least you’re safe,” says Caitlyn, with a sigh. “That’s what’s important.” She figures she can lecture her old f
... keep reading on reddit ➡The doctor says it terminal.
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
First / Previous / Next | Wiki
-----------------------------
"Good morning all, I see we have a guest," Master Cellone stated as she noticed the silver haired Elf behind Ceralla.
"Yes, Master Cellone, meet Irelea'rah, my new servant. Irelea'rah, meet Master, err, Elder Cellone.”
"Greetings Elder Cellone, it is nice to meet you in person," Irelea'rah stated with an outstretched hand.
"It is nice to meet you too. I have heard about you, one of the Devoted if I am correct?" Master Cellone asked as she shook her hand.
"Indeed I am. I thought it prudent to introduce myself this morning since I officially began my service today, though I may not be around here too much unless Master Ceralla requests otherwise. It has been agreed that my main role is to ensure Master Ceralla's safety whenever James is unavailable."
"Ah, I see. Well, it was nice meeting you, and I'm sure we'll meet again sometime soon," Master Cellone stated.
"We may well do."
"Thank you for introducing yourself to my Master. You are relieved and may do as you wish for today," Ceralla told her.
"Thank you Master Ceralla. I will return to the temple now if you need me, and I will check in at your home at sunset," Irelea'rah informed her with a bow, and gracefully left the Kynling Well.
"And here I thought you were going to work your way out of that, and you ended up getting probably the most fanatical one," Master Cellone muttered. "At least you know you're going to be safe, she won't allow you harm, that's for sure. She may try to stop you from doing things if there's a chance of harm though."
"I'm sure it will be fine," Ceralla replied, now slightly worried. “I thought it was a good idea at the time….”
“I just wished you’d have tried to run it past me and Ven first,” Lafalla grumpily stated.
“Sorry Mum, I didn’t really get the chance to…” Ceralla apologised.
"So master, can we talk about the elephant in the room?" James asked, hoping to not let things dissolve into an argu
... keep reading on reddit ➡It's me again, Ethanralphisfat. Oh, I knew this day would come. I have been mulling over what story I was going to tell next, I have so many I want to tell, but the most interesting thing about beards to me is beard psychology. I have thought about how best to approach the subject, and honestly, the only truly viable way to approach the subject seemed to be to explain my ascension out of neckbeard status. I will not pull any punches or sugarcoat any of myself in this. I am going to lay it all bare, and hopefully, we all learn something along the way. Failing that, hopefully, people will get a good chuckle out of my stupidity. Prior to our cast list though, we’ll probably need to get a little bit of a preamble out of the way to kinda set the stage.
I was born, and around my fifth year of life, my parents had a messy divorce where my mother and grandmother absconded with me into the night while my father was away on one of his infamous drinking binges. For a while after that, I had the joy and pleasure of alternating between crying and being bored out of my skull in court. The custody portion of divorces where adults interview children and bring them into court is kinda fucked, and to this day I do not remember it fondly. A 5-year-old does not have the capacity to understand what the hell is going on and I would be lying if I said I still don’t think back to how fucked up that was. In the end, my mother got full custody and dragged me off to some trash suburb located very close to the inner city of a not great city. I entered a private school system for a while until I was kicked out for being a general menace. Which led me to go to public school in this area which went very poorly for me.
Now, here’s something very uncomfortable and ironic. I had friends, and they were very nice, one of my first friends actually pops up years later but we’ll leave him unnamed for now. See he and my other friend were very nice, intelligent and talented kids. I wanted to hang out with them more, but there was a problem. There is no nice way to put this, they were African American, and my mother did not like African American’s at the time. So she would not facilitate me hanging out with these people who were my only friends in school. So I had to find new friends to hang out with outside of school. So I started hanging out with a new group of kids, primarily one of them was my main friend, a kid we will call Guinness (Don’t bother remembering the name it’s not important),
Do your worst!
There has been a lot of talk about which characters have been adapted better or worse on the series. It's very human to try to order and organise them, ranking their faithfulness to the book versions. Naturally, since gender dynamics are an important aspect of both the books and the show, this approach has led many people down the path of arguing whether the women or the men of Wheel of Time, as a group, get out ahead in the characterisation race.
While I certainly understand this line of thinking, I think it prompts unproductive arguments that inevitably pull in real world issues; more importantly in the context of evaluating the show's merits as an adaptation of Jordan's writing, it hides the overall poor writing and editing of the show. The writing on the show is bad on its own merits, and it fails uniformly as an adaptation of the book characters.
I feel like the men had enough written about their issues by others to the point where I don't think I have much to contribute, so I'll I try to explain how the women have been changed as well. Let's not get tricked by a big CGI AoE Healing explosion into believing that show!Nynave is somehow faithful to the novel, or that giving her a big moment substitutes for quality writing.
I'll start with Moiraine. First, let's see how the books introduce her.
The Eye of the World, chapter 2, Moiraine is first described to Rand and the readers by an NPC.
>“She asked the Wisdom for directions this morning,” Ewin said, “and called her ‘child.’ ” Rand and Mat both whistled softly through their teeth, and Ewin tripped over his tongue in his haste to explain. “The Lady Moiraine didn’t know she was the Wisdom. She apologized when she found out. She did. And asked some questions about herbs, and about who is who around Emond’s Field, just as respectfully as any woman in the village — more so than some. She’s always asking questions, about how old people are, and how long they’ve lived where they live, and... oh, I don’t know what all. Anyway, Nynaeve answered like she’d bitten a green sweetberry. Then, when the Lady Moiraine walked away, Nynaeve stared after her like, like... well, it wasn’t friendly, I can tell you that.”
She immediately comes across as reasonable and polite. While on a first reading we can't know this, "child" is a common term of address Aes Sedai use in the setting, and doesn't quite carry the same insult as it would in contemporary real life. Nevertheless, Moiraine apologises, and acts more
... keep reading on reddit ➡------------FIRST/PREVIOUS-----------
<Captain. A ship was here before us yes, but I don't think it was Brachian.> Chiono finished saying to the crew.
Complete silence met the computers statement, not one soul said a single thing for a moment. Chiono was observing the crew digest the information. The captain shook himself out of the shock, looked at his cadets and asked the computer. <Are yu alright? Yu are lagging, are you glitching?>
the captain asked the hologram of Chiono, which was still lagging. Chiono was unsure of how to respond for the first time since its creation, the lagging hologram was a result of it using almost 100% of its memory core to study the strange fragments that were orbiting one of the planets.
<I am functioning just fine Captain> Chiono replied in a terse voice, somehow less mechanical than usual. The inflection it used at naming the captain was odd as well, almost sounding annoyed.
<Wut, yu are telling us that yu have found a strange anomaly? Describe it tu me> the captain responded while ignoring the way the computer was talking to him.<There are multiple strange fragments orbiting the biggest exoplanet in the system captain, the metallic nature of them are impossible to come by naturally, and even more strange is the fact that the metal isn't one that brachian science uses. I'm actually unsure of what it might be.> Chiono replied matter of factly.
<WAIT, ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT THERE WAS AN UNKNOWN TYPE OF SHIP HERE?!> Calline shouted while looking extremely giddy about the whole thing. <Ki'war! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?!> she continued.
<I... I mean, it could just be a military prototype or something right?> Ki'war asked the room. The captain nodded, and started saying <Yes... Yes that is more likely yes.> <But it still dont explain why they were in MY system....><With all due respect captain, Brachians couldn't make this.> Chiono deadpanned.Calline squealed with delight at the notion, and started asking a million question like usual.
The consensus of the crew was to check it out, no matter if the computer was malfunctioning. The ship started flying closer to the planet, while flying towards the planet Metarc asked Chiono if she could double and triple check. The computer was adamant
... keep reading on reddit ➡How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
I’ve seen running jokes about my last post on the rumored underground pyramid in Alaska that apparently suppresses human consciousness, but I don’t really give a shit so I’m posting about it again. Those who should move on probably know who you are by now, and it pretty much goes without saying that this post is not for everybody.
If there was flair for speculation I would be using it for this post.
I want to start out with a brief synopsis of the origin of humanity as described in the ancient Sumerian texts.
The Sumerians believed human-like "gods" came to Earth and were tasked to make the planet habitable and mine for minerals. The gods felt that the work they were doing caused them too much suffering and the god of gods, Anu, agreed.
Anu's son, Enki, suggested they create man to bear the brunt of that responsibility, so they killed one of the gods and mixed his body and blood with clay, creating the first human hybrid.
These hybrids were unable to reproduce, however, so later on another change was made to allow for human reproduction. According to some, the first two humans with this ability to reproduce on their own may have been the Adam and Eve described in western religions based on the similarities between the two stories.
This alteration was done without the approval of Enki's brother, Enlil, and this sparked a conflict between the gods and mankind suffered greatly.
So the Sumerians wrote that humans were servants to the gods. How would the gods maintain that dynamic?
A good way to keep humans from uprising would be to create conflict among themselves. As Tom Delonge has pointed out, this could be accomplished if humans were too busy fighting each other to realize our potential power.
>To give us hope, false hope or whatever, as long the hope isn’t the same as everyone else we’re not going to get along very well, and why do they want us to not get along? Probably because if we all got along and realized what the fuck was going on we might be pretty powerful. We might be pretty important.
>Imagine if you had a kid who’s like superman. If he fucking realizes what he can do, where all he has to do is like calm
... keep reading on reddit ➡I had my surgery shelf this week; naturally, I decided to write this post instead of actually studying the night before. This advice may not work for everyone, but it's based off of my experiences (and the experiences of others!), and I think it can serve others well. I also think much of it applies to all the rotations in general, not just surgery, and a lot of it is based off of advice I've gotten from other people, but I've also thrown in a good bit of new stuff as well. If people like this I may also write others for other rotations in the future as well. I will withhold shelf advice for now as I have no idea how I did yet.
A little about me: I attend a Top 25 medical school and did my surgery rotation at a large academic hospital that sees a very high daily volume of specialized surgical cases. I'm someone who's struggled with third year from a time-management perspective as a I have a lot of super random hobbies and having to kick those to the side for the year has been quite difficult for me.
There are four sections to this. I know this is super long, so read the pieces you feel will be most helpful.
Personality Hacks: how to win people over
Pimping Hacks: how to survive the barrage of questions in the OR
General Hacks: how to survive rounds, presenting
OR Hacks: "situational awareness", foley placement, suturing, etc.
Personality Hacks
1. Be confident and friendly.
This seems obvious, right? Everybody told me this going in, but nobody told me how much it is easier said than done. When you show up and most people ignore you, or they're too busy to pay attention to you, it can be pretty daunting and it's much easier to stand in the corner and not talk. This is not always a bad thing; it's good to know when to keep your mouth shut, so obviously use your best judgement (i.e. if your team is running to a code, probably don't ask people if they've seen the newest Marvel movie). However, you will find that most medical students don't attempt to actually be-friend their residents or attendings, especially on surgery; you will find if you can get people to tell you about themselves, even if they're not initially blatantly nice to you, that they will eventually warm up to you. Many of the residents are over-worked and very stressed and/or may have had poor experiences with other medical students; don't take it personally if you can't win somebody over. In my experience, though, if you can get someone to tell you **w
... keep reading on reddit ➡They were cooked in Greece.
He lost May
Jason couldn't help but feel a little wounded by the fact that she didn't hesitate. Not even a little. He wasn't even entirely sure he'd actually finished speaking.
"Was this because you trusted me or because you wanted to shoot me?" he asked as he gingerly touched the spot on his chest where the beam of invisible energy had assumedly hit him.
"As your Commanding Officer, it would hurt my ability to command if I confirmed which." Cleff dumped her weapon on the table. “So, aside from providing me with a much needed opportunity for stress relief, what was this little exercise in aid of?”
Jason paused for a moment before he remembered exactly why he’d asked his commanding officer to shoot him. He reached over, picking up his helmet and pulling it partially over his head so that he could see the HUD within.
“Right, uh, K’lik Kla Herk.” He read, before paling as he read yet more gibberish.
That was bad, given that he’d been planning on his latest innovation working correctly as a means of avoiding Cleff’s wrath for refusing to follow his orders.
“Ah, shit,” he muttered as he plopped the device off his head. “I, uh, might need a few moments to debug-”
“No, you don’t.” Cleff interrupted, eying him strangely. “You just said what I typed into your little device here. A little phrase from back home that effectively translates to… well… given your recent success, no longer feel the need to elaborate on my threat.”
Jason felt a small bead of sweat run down his neck at the casual promise of discipline averted, as Cleff looked down at the gun on his desk. “So, you’ve made a tool that lets you speak in text via our weapon system?”
Jason nodded quickly. “Yeah, it uses our suit’s ability to register laser impacts to receive data. Specifically, the weapon you’re holding translates whatever you type into it into morse code. Then that code is conveyed by a series of pulsing shots through the gun barrel.”
“Morse code?” Cleff asked.
Jason paused, before remembering that he was talking to an alien. “It’s a simple telecommunication method that utilizes different sequences of signal duration to ‘speak’.”
“A bit like binary?”
Jason nodded. “Effectively.”
“Clever.” The moth-woman grinned, hand running slowly across the weapon in front of her. “Very clever.”
Jason shrugged, feeling more than a little awkward at what he felt was unfounded praise. “It was easy enough to do.”
Really, the hardest part had been creating a new morse code ‘alphabet’, given that he sure as
... keep reading on reddit ➡
Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.
Gender is fluid.
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
Jason teleports himself and Belial back to the edge of the Fortress of Retribution, just inside its crystalline walls, but away from the populated areas. He observes the inside of the Hatoraxia for a few moments using his Wordsmithing and listens to the conversation between Kordonis and Miikil while his mind-wife works in secret.
"Alright," Phoebe says. "I've updated the files. You should be able to transform all the existing 'Spatial Pylons' into their updated configuration."
These pylons, the same ones she made during the Stormbringer Invasion to 'harden' the space around Tarus II and make it impervious to Warpers opening portals, now sit in hundreds of pre-selected locations around the world of Tarus II, all casting a net of spatial-strengthening magic to envelop the planet.
Thanks to her technical expertise, Phoebe adds a new function to them, one which requires a mass-update of all their internal workings.
Jason nods, while listening to Kordonis's words. "Alright. Thanks, honey."
Belial raises an eyebrow when she hears Jason say that, but immediately realizes he's talking to his mind-wife and not her.
"What's up?" Belial asks. "You planning something?"
"The Volgrim came here ahead of schedule," Jason answers, "But I had Phoebe prep a possible solution to them in case they ever were to reveal themselves. While we chatted with that Kordonis fellow, she finished her work. One moment."
Jason inhales deeply and closes his eyes. He focuses his mind, reaching into the files his mind-wife has given him, and producing a technical readout of the Spatial Pylons before and after Phoebe's updates.
After absorbing these thoughts into his short term memory, a feeling of technical expertise momentarily swallows the Wordsmith's thoughts. He opens his eyes and utters a Word of Power.
"Update."
His spell permeates the hardened spatial area surrounding his world, infiltrates its central nexus, and travels around to all of the many hundreds of Spatial Pylons dotted around the Planet's crust.
Moments later, the Wordsmith nods.
"Done."
Belial raises an eyebrow. She glances around, from left to right, and even up toward the distant speck of light representing the Volgrim spaceship.
"Uhh... what did you do?"
"From our perspective, nothing has changed." Jason explains. "But from the perspective of anyone more than half a mile above Tarus II's atmosphere, our planet will start to become hazy before turning completely invisible. No technological or magical i
... keep reading on reddit ➡We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.
Sangin Kordonis, Invocator Miikil, and the other twenty members of the Hatoraxia's Bridge crew all sit, stand, or hover inside a large 'skybus,' one of the common machines used to travel across Volgarius's surface. The rather large vehicle boasts relatively comfortable accomodations for all different types of Volgrim, particularly Technopaths.
Unlike Psions, Changelings, or the other subspecies of Volgrim, Technopaths all boast wildly varied body and augmentation types. Some walk on bionic legs, some roll on treads, and some hover through the air. The older a Technopath, the more of their body they tend to convert to machinery over the years, gladly giving up their weak biological vessels for the comfort and utility of steel.
As for Sangin Kordonis, he walks on two exo-steel legs, each one capable of not only bearing incredible loads, but also stomping inferior biological skulls into meat paste. The rest of his wrinkled and withered body, however, still appears mostly biological. As a young Technopath, only 14,000 orbital cycles of age, he has not yet made any permanent choices regarding his 'upper augmentations.'
Kordonis takes a seat beside Invocator Miikil. Both of them relax as restraining beams wrap around their chests, ensuring that if any accidents happen to their vehicle, they won't go flying around inside the cabin and suffer any injuries. The other Technopaths sport different types of bodily augments, so some of them remain standing, since they won't be able to easily accommodate sitting down.
The lightly armored skybus takes off after a few minutes and climbs to a mid-level elevation, just a mile or so above the planet's surface. This height, suitable for travel across continents, allows it to avoid the much busier low-elevation vehicles, which operate on a sub-continental and local-grid-based travel system.
Invocator Miikil gazes out the window beside herself. She watches the world below her zip past, occasionally scanning it with her psionic abilities.
[Look over there. A three-thousand-unit grid of hydroponic farms. I hear that in recent cycles, the Founders have pushed to increase the amount of nutrient production facilities on Volgarius. At present, only twenty percent of the homeworld's food supply originates from on-planet. They recently decided to increase that number to one hundred percent, or more.]
Kordonis nods. "Naturally. If the War is going as poorly as Master Lidra hinted, it makes sense they would want to make the homewor
... keep reading on reddit ➡I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
