Interlude: Admiring the white moon

Suzuka Gozen: Yo, Nagiko! What's up? Going to your place? We're going for a chat in the cafeteria, show up if you can.

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Oda Nobunaga: Uhaha, you funny one! Good friends with everyone as always! By the way... it seems like we finally secured the thing.

Okita Souji: Man, I love the thing! It's almost my turn to get there!

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Babbage: Oh, Seishonagon. I'm glad to see you in good health. One question, by the way. Is this 'Babbeyan' you speak of, me?

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Oberon: Hi, good afternoon, Sei Shounagon. Expressive as always, I see. It's very nice to see you shine every day... or rather, to see the efforts you put in to always shine. But what a shame, I don't have a story today to garnish your sensitivities. I'll procure a fairy tale worth listening for next time. Let's save our fun talk for then, ok?

-

Sakata Kintoki: ... ... Yo...

[Scene opens in the library]

Fujimaru: I'm really late to the realization, but... you blend right in with the crowd, Nagiko.

Sei Shounagon: Mhmhmhmhmmhmhmh.

Murasaki Shikibu: Nagiko... Would you mind swallowing your oranges before talking?

Sei Shounagon: Mh... gulp. I never paid much attention, but if you say so. Guess we Heian gals never drop the elegance.

Murasaki Shikibu: But our kotatsu... True, sharing oranges under the kotatsu might be classic elegance. Still, I'd prefer if you refrained from bringing foods and drinks to the library, and I'm still not sure on my opinion about bringing the kotatsu here. Yet, I can't say this rule should be completely devoid of exceptions...

Sei Shounagon: You got nothing to worry about. I'd never let a precious book get stained. Besides, Kabe's kotatsu's gets too much competition. The seats get full in no time. So it was imperative for us to get our own extra kotatsu point. Well, for all your talk, you never get off my kotatsu, do you, librarian?

Murasaki Shikibu: I... Well... The kotatsu is not the culprit here...

Fujimaru: You're starting to get used to the circumstances.

???: NNNNNNNN. I understand. I understand you clearly, Fujiwara no Kaoruko. This inelegant warming utensil...

[Douman shows up]

Ashiya Douman: reaches within one's entrails. NN. It is as a garden of pleasure to corrupt the common man.

Fujimaru: Unexpected Douman / sneaking into the kotatsu.

Sei Shounagon: I knew you'd like it, Mambo. Though it's a bit cramped for you. Can you curl up enough to fit?

Ashiya Douman: Haha, what kind of question is that? I am able to cur

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

     Japan is an island by the sea, filled with volcanoes and it's beautiful (beautiful). In the year negative a billion {-1,000,000,000}, Japan might not have been here. In the year negative forty-thousand {-40,000}, it was here, and you could walk to it, and some people walked to it. Then it got warmer {-12,000}, some icebergs melted, it became an island and now there's lots of trees (trees) - because it's warmer. 
    So now there's people (people) on the island {-10,000}; they're basically sort of hanging out in between the mountains, eating nuts off trees, and using the latest technology, like stones and bowls. 
    Ding dong {-500}! It's the outside world! And they have technology from the future, like really good metal and crazy rice farms. Now you can make a lot of rice really, really quickly. That means if you own the farm, you own a lot of food, which is something everybody needs to survive.
    So that makes you king. 
    Rice farming and rice kingdoms spread across the land {-300 to 250}, all the way to here [from Western Japan to slightly east of the Tokyo area]. The most important kingdoms were here [Hi], here [Chikushi], here [Izumo], here [Kibi], here [Yamato], here [Koshi], and here [Kenu]. But this one [Yamato] was the most, most important - ruled by a “heavenly superperson,” or emperor, for short.
    Knock knock. Get the door, it's religion {593}. The new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion [Buddhism] from Baekje. 
    “Please try this religion,” he said.
    “No,” said everybody. 
    “Try it,” he said. 
    “No,” said everybody again, quieter this time. 
    And so the religion was put into place {604}, and all the rules that came with it. Then, the government was taken over by another clique [Naka no Oe (Tenji), Emperor Kotoku, and Nakatomi (Fujiwara) no Kamatari] {645}, and they made some reforms [the Taika Reforms], like making the government govern more. And making the government more like China's government, which is a government that governs more. 
    “Hi, China [Tang Dynasty],” they [Japan] said. 
    “Hi, dipshit [“hi, ‘wa’ (dwarf)”],” said China.
     “Can you call us something else other than dipshit?” said Japan. 
    “Like what?” said China. 
    “How about sunrise land [nihon (japan)]?” said Japan. And they stole China’s alphabet and wrote a book [Kojiki: Records of Ancient Matters] {711}: about themselves! And then they made lots of poetry,

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!