Due to this sub's unending debate about what equals a "Dad Joke", I have my own measure for whether or not to upvote/award... It must be more than some lame, unimaginative, "heard it 1000 times" pun. I just reviewed whether the top 10 jokes off all time from this sub meet this standard, and sadly...
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
The Bartender says, "We only serve people from our time."
A time-traveller walks into a bar.
I travelled in time from 1985 to tell you:
One time on a date, my wife and I made some German pasta from scratch.
She really knows how to make a guy feel Spätzle🥰
What’s another name for time off from work to have a smoke?
I started reading the dictionary from A to Z. People said its stupid and a waste of time.
You know what you have to do this time of year to get leaves to fall from the tree?
How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?
Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.
I stopped my wife from intervening into an argument our neighbors were having about the greatest Beatles song of all time
Did you hear about the musician fired from the orchestra for playing loudly at the wrong time?
I was sitting on the toilet when I realized that the time had changed from 11:59 to 12:00.
It was the same crap, just a different day.
One time the police kicked me out of a big niche event that was displaying figurines for tiny toy towns, and the most fashionable clothes from up and coming designers. The police said “you don’t belong here” and I said “why don’t I belong here” and they said
Because you’re not a model citizen.
When I was 6 years old I stuck my finger in a pencil sharpener. I twisted it a few times and almost passed out from the pain.
Turns out I wasn't the sharpest kid after all
Why haven't time travellers travel back in time to save us from COVID?
Cause because of covid there's a travel ban.
What's the best time for a chicken to run several miles from home?
I got a call from a friend, he said that he was in the hospital for eating too many copies of the New York Times.
The news was really hard to swallow.
How to bees keep from freezing in the winter time?
From the 5yo: What kind of dog can tell time?
A watchdog!
(Most of the time, his jokes are pretty nonsense, this one qualified as an actual joke.)
I still tell Chuck Norris jokes from time to time.
He laughs most of the time.
Mary Poppins retired from her nanny job to ride BMX full-time
Now she's known as Wheelie Poppins
The cops in my town are having a hard time catching the thieves who are stealing futons from stores.
They are probably lying low.
We put our youngest daughter to bed early and gathered the books from the room. Placed them in our time out spot to read later.
Oldest daughter- Daddy, why are the books in time out?
Me- because they got red all over the place.
My nephew was released from jail on the condition that I am aware about his whereabouts at all times.
For some time now, the Church of Scientology has been trying to prevent one of its most outspoken members from saying anything too embarrassing.
They call it “Cruise Control”.
People began paying the Hawaiian volcano goddess to lie down from time to time
They're calling it a pay lay
Why do people from West Russia take their time in the bathroom?
Because you don't wanna be Russian while European
Why was the character from Adventure Time called Flame Princess and not...
Why is the time period from 476 - 800 ad known as Dark Ages?
Because it was the time of knights.
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
It took me a long time to recover from my broken neck
but afterwards, I never looked back.
What can you catch from a vampire in the winter time?
Crows are very intelligent birds, they even go out for drinks from time to time.
I'm a time traveler, just arrived from 1990
It took me thirty years to get here.
An alternative... was that A'Tuin was crawling from the Birthplace to the Time of Mating. When they arrived they would briefly and passionately mate, for the first and only time, and from that fiery union new turtles would be born to carry a new pattern of worlds.
This was known as the Big Bang hypothesis.
Joke by Terry Pratchett, ‘The Colour of Magic’, Prologue.
If I had a Delorean, I would probably only drive it from time to time.
Original joke time! The apples I had to remove the peals from all appeared in twos, matched for use together.
My son was making breakfast for the first time and he distraughtly asked me, "How do you stop the sausages from curling in the pan?!" I smiled and advised…
"Well son, just take away their little brooms."
Every time I buy a dozen bees from the bee keeper , he’ll give me 13
He sure does enjoy giving freebees
Warned my son about the dangers of drugs today. Told him a story about a girl I knew who went crazy from doing mushrooms all the time. Surprised, he asked, "Really?" I replied, "Yes, absolutely true."
"She became a little spore addict."
Brought it in for an oil change, says he only drives it from time to time.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an incredible set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. Plus, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Edit: I do now realize I misspelled Gandhi. I cannot edit the title, just know that I see it and am sorry.
Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis (edited, thanks kind friends for the correction!)
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Edit: Wow! Didn't expect this big reaction!
Thanks for the silver!
Edit 2: And gold!? Thanks again! :)
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an incredible set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. Plus, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Edit: I do now realize I misspelled Gandhi. I cannot edit the title, just know that I see it and am sorry.
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