The man who invented auto correct has died.

His funfair is on sundial at moon.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 490
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mj_prep
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 19 2021
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Its okay if you phone auto correct "FUCK" to "DUCK".

You still using fowl language.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 479
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Papiys
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 17 2021
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Speech correction is the first item on my...

to-do lisp

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 23 2021
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What is the correct ratio of gun powder to essential oils?

I want this bath bomb to be perfect.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 42
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ksaunders8
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 05 2021
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By legalising cannabis and same-sex marriage, we finally interpreted the Bible correctly

A man who lays with another man should be stoned.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PeaPanties
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 19 2021
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I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/icemage27
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 31 2021
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Do you guys know the correct term for short people

… or do you also struggle with gnomenclature??

πŸ‘οΈŽ 115
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hylianriceig
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 29 2021
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Sometimes I tuck my knees to my chest and lean forward...

That's just how I roll..

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ConsciousEvo1ution
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 28 2021
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This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..

.. I was fried for no raisin.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 07 2021
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What do you call a transformer that corrects peoples vision?

Optometrist Prime

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/viceral_marqs
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 15 2021
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Me: the earth isn’t flat. Fiat Earther: correct. Me: huh? Fiat Earther: it’s the shape an italian car. Me: what?

Fiat Earther: you read my name wrong didn’t you?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 216
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/5am281
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 10 2021
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3.14159265387279 snek
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/After-Satisfaction-3
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 20 2021
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What is the correct way to end a letter

r

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jgpitre
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 15 2021
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My new password is: MickeyMinnieGoofyDonaldPlutoHueyLouieDeweyDublin.

Because it said my password had to contain 8 characters and at least one capital.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hughdman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 23 2021
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I stand corrected...

Said the man wearing orthopedic shoes.

(Boyfriend said this yesterday and I was so proud)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lrgceciliaMKE
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 01 2021
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Initially I didn’t believe that my chiropractor was any good.

But now I stand corrected.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 28 2021
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My boyfriend told me he already turned the clocks forward an hour in the kitchen. I told him he is a man ahead of his time.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/haimeows
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 14 2021
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β€œDad, did you remember to move the clocks forward last night?”

β€˜Yeah, but they fell off the shelf.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 15 2021
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The man who invented auto correct has passed away...

Restaurant in peace..

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/albasolo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 09 2021
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get it? get it? get it?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Nonamerandomperson
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 15 2021
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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "You are in here a lot, do you think you have a drinking problem?"

The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by RenΓ© Descartes.

But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Available_Reindeer32
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 02 2021
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My socially anxious friend just got a PhD in palindrome studies.

I call him Dr. Awkward

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/moc_gordy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 12 2021
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Two brothers got really mad at me today for calling them hipsters.

Apparently the correct term is β€œconjoined twins”.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BritishTeeth11
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 20 2021
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My wife didn’t like when I made fun of her terrible sense of direction

She got so mad she packed up and right

πŸ‘οΈŽ 45
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JCoxRocks
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 05 2021
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It's inappropriate to make a 'dad joke' if you're not a dad.

It's a faux pa.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 332
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RodimusMajor84
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2021
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Correct me if I’m wrong, but due to the ongoing pandemic, would it be smart to stay at least 6ft away from the chips and dip when visiting a Mexican restaurant?

You know, Salsa Distancing.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CaramelLow8561
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 24 2021
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After getting the first shot I'm really not looking forward to the second.

9mm bullets hurt like hell.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 09 2021
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How does a train eat it's dinner?

It chew chews it!?

Credit: My 3 year old, who validated the joke through my 6 year old.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CaptMalReynoldsWrap
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 05 2021
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I hate spelling errors.

You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 51
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/chihiro_yoru
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 20 2021
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My girlfriend and I decided to watch two movies back-to-back.

I'm glad I was the one facing the TV.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 118
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wimpykidfan37
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 23 2021
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Corrective lenses.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 133
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Thumbs0fDestiny
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 13 2020
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My wife has started doing lunges to get in shape

It's a big step forward for her

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ImprudentGoose
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 02 2021
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I was having a glass of wine with my wife after a long day and I heard her say "I love you so much and always look forward to being with you at the end of the day. I don't know what I'd do without you." "Is that you or the wine talking?" I asked. She replied "It's me...

...talking to the wine."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Fukface_Von_Clwnstik
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 11 2021
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What does a grammatically-correct, upside-down owl inquire?

ΒΏWOHM ΒΏWOHM

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JonMinusJon
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 01 2021
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I found this humerus
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/garymattts
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 16 2021
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I’m really looking forward to being an old man

I have to. I can’t look back on it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/superdad0206
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 28 2020
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My wife’s favorite class in High School was History

I should’ve known she’d be good at bringing up the past.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 56
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/o-Dez-o
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 02 2021
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You'll never guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed ?

EVERYBODY..!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 127
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 11 2021
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall?

Art.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/momreview420
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 01 2021
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*Whose/You're
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dickiedaydream
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 24 2021
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A colonoscopy is like reading a book……

Once you reach the appendix, you’re done.

Credit to my Dad.

Edit: he corrected me. It should say textbook

πŸ‘οΈŽ 67
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pistolwinky
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 03 2021
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My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...

Arson.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 298
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Kinjesus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 21 2020
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You do realize that it's biblically correct for a man to make the coffee. Haven't you ever read the book,

Hebrews

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mastiff_Speed
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 30 2020
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My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy

I told: mom that why I am using a chair.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Spydercop69
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 24 2021
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Sometimes I like to tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.

That’s just how I roll.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 74
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Lucille68
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 03 2021
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Sometimes I squat down, hold my knees to my chest, and lean forward

Because that’s how I roll.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cleverless
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 14 2021
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Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward

That's just how I roll.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 66
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/red_snake0329
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 30 2021
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