The man who invented auto correct has died.

His funfair is on sundial at moon.

πŸ‘︎ 490
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mj_prep
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2021
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Its okay if you phone auto correct "FUCK" to "DUCK".

You still using fowl language.

πŸ‘︎ 479
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Papiys
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2021
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Speech correction is the first item on my...

to-do lisp

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
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What is the correct ratio of gun powder to essential oils?

I want this bath bomb to be perfect.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ksaunders8
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2021
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By legalising cannabis and same-sex marriage, we finally interpreted the Bible correctly

A man who lays with another man should be stoned.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeaPanties
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2021
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I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
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Do you guys know the correct term for short people

… or do you also struggle with gnomenclature??

πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hylianriceig
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2021
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Sometimes I tuck my knees to my chest and lean forward...

That's just how I roll..

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
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This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..

.. I was fried for no raisin.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2021
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What do you call a transformer that corrects peoples vision?

Optometrist Prime

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viceral_marqs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2021
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Me: the earth isn’t flat. Fiat Earther: correct. Me: huh? Fiat Earther: it’s the shape an italian car. Me: what?

Fiat Earther: you read my name wrong didn’t you?

πŸ‘︎ 216
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πŸ‘€︎ u/5am281
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
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3.14159265387279 snek
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2021
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What is the correct way to end a letter

r

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jgpitre
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2021
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My new password is: MickeyMinnieGoofyDonaldPlutoHueyLouieDeweyDublin.

Because it said my password had to contain 8 characters and at least one capital.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2021
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I stand corrected...

Said the man wearing orthopedic shoes.

(Boyfriend said this yesterday and I was so proud)

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lrgceciliaMKE
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
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Initially I didn’t believe that my chiropractor was any good.

But now I stand corrected.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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My boyfriend told me he already turned the clocks forward an hour in the kitchen. I told him he is a man ahead of his time.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/haimeows
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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β€œDad, did you remember to move the clocks forward last night?”

β€˜Yeah, but they fell off the shelf.”

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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The man who invented auto correct has passed away...

Restaurant in peace..

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/albasolo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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get it? get it? get it?
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "You are in here a lot, do you think you have a drinking problem?"

The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by RenΓ© Descartes.

But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2021
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My socially anxious friend just got a PhD in palindrome studies.

I call him Dr. Awkward

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moc_gordy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
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Two brothers got really mad at me today for calling them hipsters.

Apparently the correct term is β€œconjoined twins”.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BritishTeeth11
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2021
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My wife didn’t like when I made fun of her terrible sense of direction

She got so mad she packed up and right

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCoxRocks
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2021
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It's inappropriate to make a 'dad joke' if you're not a dad.

It's a faux pa.

πŸ‘︎ 332
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RodimusMajor84
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
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Correct me if I’m wrong, but due to the ongoing pandemic, would it be smart to stay at least 6ft away from the chips and dip when visiting a Mexican restaurant?

You know, Salsa Distancing.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaramelLow8561
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
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After getting the first shot I'm really not looking forward to the second.

9mm bullets hurt like hell.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
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How does a train eat it's dinner?

It chew chews it!?

Credit: My 3 year old, who validated the joke through my 6 year old.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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I hate spelling errors.

You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chihiro_yoru
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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My girlfriend and I decided to watch two movies back-to-back.

I'm glad I was the one facing the TV.

πŸ‘︎ 118
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wimpykidfan37
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2021
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Corrective lenses.
πŸ‘︎ 133
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thumbs0fDestiny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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My wife has started doing lunges to get in shape

It's a big step forward for her

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImprudentGoose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
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I was having a glass of wine with my wife after a long day and I heard her say "I love you so much and always look forward to being with you at the end of the day. I don't know what I'd do without you." "Is that you or the wine talking?" I asked. She replied "It's me...

...talking to the wine."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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What does a grammatically-correct, upside-down owl inquire?

ΒΏWOHM ΒΏWOHM

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonMinusJon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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I found this humerus
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/garymattts
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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I’m really looking forward to being an old man

I have to. I can’t look back on it.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superdad0206
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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My wife’s favorite class in High School was History

I should’ve known she’d be good at bringing up the past.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/o-Dez-o
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
🚨︎ report
You'll never guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed ?

EVERYBODY..!!

πŸ‘︎ 127
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall?

Art.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/momreview420
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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*Whose/You're
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dickiedaydream
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
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A colonoscopy is like reading a book……

Once you reach the appendix, you’re done.

Credit to my Dad.

Edit: he corrected me. It should say textbook

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pistolwinky
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2021
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My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...

Arson.

πŸ‘︎ 298
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kinjesus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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You do realize that it's biblically correct for a man to make the coffee. Haven't you ever read the book,

Hebrews

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mastiff_Speed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy

I told: mom that why I am using a chair.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spydercop69
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I like to tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.

That’s just how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lucille68
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I squat down, hold my knees to my chest, and lean forward

Because that’s how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cleverless
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward

That's just how I roll.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/red_snake0329
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report

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