I named my big cat Dan because he likes small weed-like flowers

Dan de lion

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_otterinabox
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Long joke ahead, but well worth it.

A while ago, there were some friars who needed to raise money, so they opened up a flower shop. Across the street, there was another flower shop that had already been open for a few years. Afraid of competition, the owner politely asked the friars to sell something else in heir shop. They refused. People liked the new flower shop better, so the first shop’s profits started dropping. Concerned that he might go out of business, the owner of the first shop asked the friars to close their shop. They refused. Some time passed, and the first shop was on the verge of bankruptcy. Desperate, the owner begged the friars to close their shop. They refused again. Then, the owner of the first shop used the last of his money to hire a hit man named Hugh Williams to beat up the friars and trash their shop. He did, and when he was done, he told the friars he’d be back if they didn’t close down. Scared for their lives, the friars agreed, proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent Florist Friars.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Classic vegetables

An old man named Brock Oswald Lee wanted to telephone his friend, Edward Flower. But he forgot, since he had dementia. The nurse quickly reminded him: β€œBrock O. Lee, call E. Flower”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShowPan69
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
A man goes to see his father at his parents house

They both sit and start chatting

Son : how was your doctors appointment?

Dad: good!the doctor gave me different medication for my memory loss

Son : oh really ? What are the name of the pills?

Dad : ( struggling to remember ) oohh...uhhh.... something to do with flowers but I can’t remember

Son: tulips ?

Dad: no , they’re very popular and everyone loves them .

Son : daisies?

Dad : no! They are bright red and romantic

Son : rose ?

Dad: YES. He loudly yells ROSE, WHAT ARE THE PILLS CALLED THAT THE DOCTOR GAVE ME?

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MNMKandyKane
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Last name wedding pun?!

The male's last name is flowers. What's a cute pun to use with his last name for the wedding? It'll be the hashtag :)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Some friars set up a flower shop

A pair of friars came up with the great idea to use the extra flowers scattered around the monastery to start a flower shop. After the first week, the new flower shop is bustling and quickly becomes the most popular flower shop in town. This upsets a fellow florist, John, because he is losing his business. John decides to go down to the docks and find someone to destroy the competition's flower shop. John ends up finding a large sailor by the name of Hugh. Hugh promptly goes and completely destroys the friars' flower shop, effectively putting the friars out of business. Once again proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Debt-Profit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2015
🚨︎ report
Dad Joke From One Dad To Another

I'm a dad, and I told my dad this, so I think it counts. It got a lot of groans, so I think it's great, if a bit long.


I once lived near a small, simple town where there lived named Hugh.

Hugh was a very smart man stricken with a series of personal tragedies earlier in his life. As a result, he moved to this small town and took a job in his local florist shop, relaxing the days away arranging flowers and trying not to think of times past. Hugh grew to love working there.

One day, a disaster struck the town. A small, single engine airplane crashed a block from Hugh's shop, killing those on the plane and setting fire to several buildings, both occupied and empty.

The impact ruptured a gas line, which ultimately exploded, creating a shock wave that caused part of the building next to the florist shop to collapse and trap several of Hugh's customers and co-workers inside. The situation was desperate, as the shop would be burned to the ground at any moment.

Acting quickly, Hugh located the gas main, shutting it down. Next, Hugh noticed a water storage tank nearby, and opened a release valve that suffocated the fire before it reached his beloved shop.

With the fire out, and the florist shop saved along with those trapped inside, Hugh was a hero. The town presented him with a plaque in honor of his courageous deeds. On this plaque was a detailed etching of a bear, and Hugh was touched because he loved bears. But it was the words etched beneath that truly touched him.

"Only Hugh could prevent florist fires."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Primatebuddy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2015
🚨︎ report
The lever bee.

This was always one of my dad's favorites to tell us.

A long time ago, there was a beehive in the middle of a forest. Every day, as worker bees do, they would go out into their fields, gather pollen from the flowers, and bring it back to make honey.

The bees had a problem, though, because every so often an intruder would come around, such as a bear who wanted the honey, or kids who thought it'd be fun to throw rocks at the hive. Finally, the bees got tired of it.

Being the intelligent bees that they are, they built an alarm system for the hive. They built it such that one bee pulls a lever, which triggers the alarm that the bees will hear from the fields, and then the bees can come back to protect their home.

There was one bee who was exclusively assigned that job, and he was aptly named the "Lever Bee." His job was to watch for potential adversaries, and pull the lever to raise the alarm.

Now clearly, the safety of the hive depends on this one Lever Bee. So it stands to reason that he has to be constantly ready and on the alert so that he can do his job.

And that, friends, is why people say, "I'm as ready as a Lever Bee."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kentron
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2013
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.