Ffs man..
πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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No probs I will buz-zoo-ff reddit.com/gallery/jkbbng
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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That de-escalated quickly ffs v.redd.it/poeqd16aegb31
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fair_SOTS
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
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Today I discovered my dear friend it's actually a female.

Now it's a doe friend.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SomeItalianBoy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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Why can't blind people eat fish?

It's Seafood

πŸ‘︎ 581
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RoboMaster2K
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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I made a joke saying this Thanksgiving would be extra special because we'll be spreading around diseases like the original Thanksgiving. Someone told me "too soon".

They were right. I should have waited until next week.

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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In which part of Canada are you not allowed to do anything?

Ban-ff.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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Why does Spider-Man always have such good comebacks?

Because, with great power comes great response ability

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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Accordion to a recent study, 90% of people didn’t realize

I put an instrument at the start of this sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 162
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πŸ‘€︎ u/revaforce
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
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Why can cannibals eat clowns?

Because they taste funny.

Happy Father’s Day ya filthy animals

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jetmover78
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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6:30 is my favorite time of the day

Hands down

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gbahawks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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Two archaeologists were deeply in love

They went to a site where rumor states a rare dinosaur bone was there

So the man said to his wife.. "I've got a bone to pick, with you~"

(Correction: they are not archaeologists they are paleontologist!)

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grandpa_Gunmam
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
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Dad got me good before, took a second sadly :s

Me; the moons almost full.

Dad; there's a plug at the bottom, drain it out.

Ffs.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cuntsack789
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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I have a friend who has a very small business.

He's an antrepreneur.

I'll show myself out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EedSpiny
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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Jamaicans that fear operating doors with a key...

They dreadlocks.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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If you’re attacked by a mob of clowns

Go for the juggler.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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My friend wanted me to run some moonshine in decorative bottles out of state for him, but I'm wary...

That's pretty whiskey business.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living...

There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living.

He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child.

He loved to make the train go as fast as possible.

Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash.

He made it out, but a single person died.

Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident.

He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution.

When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal.

After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair.

The switch was flown, sparks flew and smoke filled the air- but nothing happened.

The man was perfectly fine.

Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free.

And somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train.

Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon.

Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people.

The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution.

For his final meal, the man requested two bananas.

After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair.

The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room- and the man was once again unharmed.

Well, this of course meant that he was free to go.

And once again, he somehow manages to get his old job back.

To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people.

And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death.

On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal- three bananas.

"You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat, we're strapping you in and doing this now."

Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal.

The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room- and the man was still unharmed.

The executioner was speechless.

The man looked at the executioner and said "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DCCXXVIII
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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I ordered a chicken online, when it came it was missing two organs.

I guess it was delivered.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pig-o-DooM
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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Why are there no penguins in Britain?

Because they’re scared of Wales

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheryl_from_admin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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Absolute mother lode of guitar puns v.redd.it/lz2uw7l5pan11
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/czarofel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
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What do you call an educated ox without an education?

An oxymoron.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FiveMinFreedom
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2017
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What part of the Titanic is still intact?

The pool!

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThemCarpool
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2018
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Convo i had with my dad tonight

https://imgur.com/gallery/Ane9a

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bladezaim
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2017
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My 66 year old father had an unprompted dad joke today.

http://m.imgur.com/hFfPDa9

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jumblecaper
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2017
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Probably the best one I've ever made, really proud of it.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PPNC
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2015
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So I asked my dad to put toothpaste on my toothbrush while I helped him do something
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ May 17 2014
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She only has one leg, Dad.

My folks and their friends came to visit for a week. We're having a beer at the bar and we're talking about high school for some reason.

Female friend: All of my old friends are either dead or have a one leg.

Dad: Wait. You know her too?

FF: Yeah, Dorothy. She only has one leg.

Dad: Oh, I thought you were talking about Eileen.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BangosSkank
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2014
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[x-post /r/funny] my Dad decided to dress up the dog and stage a picture for Facebook

http://i.imgur.com/FfF1hYX.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vinnycogs820
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2014
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