Oh well. I guess they can't all be winters.
Because she couldn't see that well.
They entertain naan.
When one of the kids says they are going to the bathroom?
Or is my family just weird?
So I had to clean it up by giving that horse a bath.
But it’s very off-fence sieve.
Because he couldn't see that well.
Because he was two tired!
A drynosaur!
Nobody in my house thought this was funny the first time. Or the twenty third time.
I told him that's just naan-sense.
An old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Because the little moron was a little more on.
Because it was dead.
Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.
3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.
5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'
A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.
A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”
A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.
A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”
A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.
Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape
... keep reading on reddit ➡
This is known as the Domino’s effect.
Well if they went forward they’d fall in the boat
They just have to be harvested.
The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors”
My dad and I were watching a live concert series on television, and eventually Fall out Boy came on.
"Who's that?"
"It's Fall Out Boy"
"How come I've never heard of them?"
"Well, they had a huge gap in between albums."
"Would you say they had a falling out?"
^^^Goddamitdad
Everyone is showing up an hour late for meetings, and acting like everything is normal.
But I fear it will fall on deaf ears
A face-plant.
I'm sure he'll come around, eventually.
And boy are my arms legs.
He likes to keep it reel.
I suppose we were just raised differently.
Because that would be edgy
I was impressed.
because he couldn't see that "well"
But I don’t want to give away spoilers.
To be honest, I’m getting a little tired of carrying it around.
I can tell when they're standing too.
Because they typically don’t hear all that you’re saying the first time.
You give it ten tickles.
But it's pointless
Because it's not ice (Notice)
P.S - said this to a friend he said " If jokes had to fall to new depth of poorness, you just succeeded"
No, they mostly stumble around and break stuff.
