But someone talked me out of it.
Because they aren’t cheetahs.
He’ll come around eventually.
Turns out being a free lance photographer isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
But in medieval times people were called Lancelot
It only cost me a buck
but somebody talked me out of it.
It was a pretty hard bargain
It wasn’t bad for a constellation prize.
Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance.
TLDR; I wanted to say Sir Lancelot
Crypt-toe currency.
No strings attached.
I told him I don’t knead the dough, but I do get a rise out of it
The lard ash was everywhere!
An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of whiskey.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender: “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says: “Before you tell that joke, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know four things: The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat, the bouncer is a blonde girl with a club, I’m a 6-foot tall blonde woman with a black belt in karate and the woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?”
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters: “No, not if I’m gonna have to explain it four times.”
I asked two friends for the best pun Bond would utter if he'd just shoved a bad guy into a huge industrial deep-fat fryer. Their responses were:
Friend #1: "Play with fryer, get burnt.
(Isn't there an old saying of don't play with fire unless you want to get burnt?)"
Friend #2: "Why is my instinct to say cool off there?
Let's assume it's christmas. 'Thats a real Crisped Kringle' is what I'd say
Or do I know the guy's dad? Let's say I do. 'Youre a chip of the old block'"
I know, I need new friends. Do me a favour redditors and please tell me whose pun is least awful? And if you have any better ones, I'm all ears! (Mine was "Thank God it's fry day", I'm sure you can all do better).
His future looks to be in Jeopardy!
They'd traded jokes, played pop music, and generally made people's lives a touch brighter as they trundled to work.
Now, though, there was silence on the air. Ernie silently reread the fax message from the Department of Defense. As licensed broadcasters they were legally obligated to alert the public, to tell them the nukes were flying and that in a few minutes all the world's troubles would be over. What, though, was the point of that? To torture people with the knowledge of something they couldn't change?
Their eyes met and a decision was reached. Bert put on their most requested song, a sugary top 40 tune while Ernie produced a bottle of bourbon from under the desk. As their producer banged on the locked studio door the colleagues toasted the end of a long career.
Bert, always the consummate professional, turned away from the window as the first explosion split the distant horizon. He straightened his tie, tucked in his shirt, and brushed his hair back. He would meet his fiery death with dignity.
He turned to Ernie and said in a quiet, resigned voice, "How do I look, Ernie?"
Ernie walked slowly over to his friend. He looked into Bert's face and saw the closeness they shared, the strength of their relationship, forged over the years. He took a deep breath and spoke quietly:
"With your eyes, Bert."
Apparently they're planting it in fair rows.
Edit: Several thousand tons of mummified animals have been used as fertiliser.
The kid behind the counter said, sorry we only take cash or credit cards
They always have a point.
To be fair, the people he was photographing did try to warn him.
I felt his presents
I got a little behind in my work
The Ferrets Wheel
Mississippi
Of all people, you’d think they’d appreciate a period joke
She always falls for debate
Potty training
It was pretty anti-climatic
They didn’t do anything.
It's too devicive.
They divided the duties equally: one was the fish friar, and the other was
the chip monk!
That’s a lot of wasted votes
Descartes and Shakespeare were having a debate on how best to write. Descartes argued up and down that prose was the only way to really get your ideas across and that artistic license just muddied everything up. Shakespeare argued poetry and turns of phrase made the material more relatable and thus easier to get across. Descartes countered, "But how do you know what the best form is?" Shakespeare thought about it and replied, "I think, therefore iamb."
Dad - "lie down please, you've got a dirty nappy"
Toddler - "I don't want to"
D - "you need to"
T - "stop daddy"
D - "I'm trying to help you"
T - "no, you're daddy"
D - "... ☝️😲... 🤔 Fair point"
To this day the Lincoln-Douglas debate of ‘58 is literally unwatchable.
But I was talked out of it.
He'll come around eventually
He’ll come around, eventually.
