Exaggerations Puns

Gone up by 20 million percent since 2022.

Literally everybody ever is furious!

They went up by a million percent this year..

He told me he’d get back to me in an hour

But if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a billion times, I care less than nothing about it.

Hyper Bully

Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

... unlike me.

It's working, I've improved by 1,000%.

...to stop exaggerating.

...you'll find me exaggerating about something.

He just has a chip on his shoulder.

It has nearly 3,000,000 members already!

And charged for loitering within tent.

I work a cancer hospital and schedule patients for surgery and procedures and stuff. I had this one couple who I knew I would like as soon as they sat down. The first thing the man says to me “you wanna hear a joke?” Me “ah, of course!” ....a few moments of silence go by... dad “did you hear about that actress? I think she played in miss congeniality? It was Reese something? She committed suicide.” Totally buying the story I go, “are you serious!? Reese Witherspoon!?” And with out a beat he says “No, with a knife.” And I looked at him for a few seconds to comprehend the joke and then lost it! I know this is probably old but it’s a classic.

About a million

I guess that makes me an eight-theist

One is a really hot time of day and the other is a little chili.

They hog up everything you give them

He puts some optional inserts for carseats into the carrier basket under the stroller. Tells me they're space umbrellas.

I ask him, "whatever would we need a space umbrella for?"

Without missing a beat, he says "meteor showers."

I'm not exaggerating at all, but this was too good not to share.

I was playing the game Borderlands. There was a mission where Scooter asks you to get various parts for a vehicle.

My son was 5 at the time, and watching me play. Yeah, probably more like his first pun than a dad joke, but still..

Son: Daddy?

Me: Yes?

Son: Did Scooter say he wants you to get him an exhaust pipe?

Me: Yes.

Son: (does exaggerated sigh and slumps in his seat) How exhausting!

Then he grinned and looked intently at me to make sure I got it. I was so proud!

You saw-dust. (There were exaggerated winks after. And a elbow to the ribs. It was glorious)

Edit: thanks for the love: My kid asked me if I was gonna share it on Facebook. I don’t use Facebook so I said I’d share it here. He’s practicing his jokes, he said, so he can be a good big brother. He’s got a corny sense of humor and loves a good dad joke.

For the couple of you who think I pimped his joke for Karma, look outward to that speck of light in your dark life. That light is your asshole. Go that way to remove your head from from it.

We’ve been in a bad joke email war for some time now. It’s been so long, I don’t remember how it started. It may have happened when I moved out after staying with him and my mom for a while.

Long story short: I’ve got a lot of dad jokes to share with y’all, because we are constantly sending “dad jokes” to each other. And I have hundreds of jokes that are LITERALLY from my dad.

All the best jokes? They are headed your way!

Here’s some to get you started. I am copying and pasting them exactly as he writes in the email so you can get the full “dad” effect. He’s 72.

Everyone who can, take a moment out of your day to call your dad.

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the male pumpkin told the female pumpkin ................you look gourdish today boo me love dad

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Exaggeration is a billion times better than understatement..........................love, dad

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Is it true that if you teach a wolf to meditate it becomes an "aware wolf" ?

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If swimming is good for your figure how do you explain whales?

Bad aina, I almost didn't send it.......................................Love dad

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Have a good night everyone, and see you soon!

No exaggeration, I see the 50 Cent joke multiple times per day. The point of this sub isn't to replicate the real-life experience of my dad telling the same joke every chance he gets, it's for telling awful, cheesy one-liners. Please put just a little more effort into your posts - it does not take that long to search the sub to see if a joke has already been told.

And, to be clear - yes, I do downvote reposts, and yes, I do report them for being reposts. I am tired of doing it over and over for the exact same joke.

Don't exaggerate!!

It was a sleight exaggeration.

My father told me a million times

Never to exaggerate.

So this just happened.

My dad walked into my room, said "So you think you can take on your old man," doing an exaggerated impression of a bad lip sync, threw a toy throwing star at me, and left. I have no further explanation.

My family went sea kayaking yesterday and our guide's name was Nate. When the guide introduced himself my dad said in his corniest, most exaggerated fake Australian accent "good day Nate!" I groaned along with the rest of my family while my dad chuckled to himself for the next thirty seconds.

Whenever someone would say "Sir, my pen ran out"

he would make big exaggerated movements of trying to open the door, then say

"It can't have, the door's shut"

So the joke goes "You know, James Madison was a naturalist. A lot of people don't know that. He really loved the environment and care a lot about wildlife. In fact, he tried to put protecting wildlife into the bill of rights, but a lot of people don't know that he was dyslexic too. So when he was writing the 2nd amendment he wrote the right to bear arms, but what he meant was the right to arm bears!"

Just went on a tour of revolutionary battlegrounds (truly amazing if you ever get the chance) and that joke was told in excess of 50 times, no exaggeration.

I told my friend that exaggeration can spice up his writing.

"So if I have too much laundry, I can say I'm up to my knees in ankle socks?"

"Well, that's a bit of a stretch."

Do not exaggerate!

...to stop exaggerating

don't exaggerate!"

A standard growing up with my old man.

"If I've said it once, I've said it a million times; Don't Exaggerate!"