Eusebius Of Caesarea Puns

It's a faux pa.

I mean, he only had one Job.

He's a Fizzician.

Because they didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

Pave-mint

Kernel

They all came out looking different but they taste the same.

Nomads

...but my goldfish died.

Vel-crows

"Yes, that seems like common scents."

A barberqueue.

You're Ghana love 'em!

That's just one, but I bet you can't stop laughing already, Kenya!

A crowd.

Their objective is to neutralize the enemy base

Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.

She had told him over, and over again “I don’t want a lot for Christmas.”

I said “are you gonna give them the No-Bell prize?”

I HAVE WON THE DAY

My 10yo son always asks for ice water with his meals. The past few weeks he's told me to put exactly eight ice cubes in his glass. I went with it because he can be very peculiar about certain things, and I just figured he had decided it was the perfect amount of ice.

Today he again asked me for water with eight ice cubes, but as I was getting it he said "I bet you're glad that in two days, I'll stop asking for eight ice cubes." To which I asked "why not?" And he said... "Because it won't be Octo-brrrrrrrrr anymore!"

A-nanas, or B-ananas.'

After all, good communication is the key.

She's still not talking to me

It's pretty much cabbage and mayonnaise.

“That’s a hickory daiquiri, doc!”

I said “what the Hellman”

Math, because it gets to use its cow-culator!

I am so proud, haha, she got a chuckle with that one!

A pool table.

There is no Cure.

They’re so full of themselves.

He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!”

And I said, “That’s Superman…”

“Thanks, man, ” he replied. “I’ve been practicing it a lot.”

But he never made it as a wise man

What are your best dad jokes? Whoever tells me the funniest one will have the honor of knowing their dad joke was my first as a dad.

Edit: there are two winners.

The first is one I told to my wife. It is about him being born with 4 kidneys but two of them will become adult knees. Thank you u/cabbithunt

The second I told me son. "There are two fish in a tank. One fish looks at the other and says 'I'll drive you man the guns.'" Thank you u/kiabe1

I told them I was above the law.

(It's a joke, i didn't really go on the roof of the municipal court last week)

Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

Prov-alone!

On a pH scale because she’s basic as hell.

For quacking jokes

EDIT: this joke did wayyy better than I expected lol. Thank you all for the words of encouragement, awards, and corny jokes to follow up! I’m excited to make my family cringe for years to come

that it's a high koala t-shirt.

he starts on nights next week.

Yay or neigh?

Eye dew.

A fizzician.