Google: Ok... But you’re not gonna like it...
“Howya bean pop?”
He said, "oui, wee."
The man orders a Big Mac and a large fries. His wife orders a single cheeseburger. When the woman finishes her burger she glances at her husband. He has finished his burger and is moving onto the fries.
Still hungry, she looks at the fries and asks, 'Do you mind if I have a couple?'
He sighs and says, 'I suppose so,'
So she reaches over and takes a handful. The husband turns to her and asks, 'Is that a German couple?'
Confused, she responds, 'What is a German couple?'
He says, 'nein' as he slides his food out of her reach.
My 3 year old brother came up to me (and everyone else in the house several times each) to tell a joke he made up (translated from Turkish but works in English anyway).
3yo: Do you need to go to the bathroom (a question we ask him frequently)?
Me: No
3yo: Are you sure?
Me: Yes?
3yo: Oh, hi Sure!
Refrigerator
Today we were eating and my son ate a carrot without using the fork so my wife promptly said: "Don't eat with your fingers..." to which he answered: "I'm eating with my mouth!"
I was soooo happy and my wife had to let it slide...
(We don't speak English so I hope the joke isn't lost in the translation)
EDIT: Thanks for all the upvotes :) This was an unexpected surprise to wake up to. Very happy that it translates in to English so well. Now some clarifications:
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Yes... the carrots were cooked, we are not psychopaths (in regards to our eating habbits)
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My son is 10 years old and still living at home
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We all speak English, just not our native language and not used at the dinner table
I didn't make the joke in english but it translates well.
We just had lunch and my mom was clearing out the table and putting stuff in the dishwasher while my brothers and my dad were talking about the party we were going to that afternoon. My mom and dad would go there by bike and my brothers and I would take the car.
Then my mom said: "should I turn on the dishwasher so everything will be clean when we'll return?"
On which I commented: "That's not fair, we go by car, and you by bike, while the dishwasher has to run?"
Dad: I have an [your job] envelope for you.
Me: Can you open it and tell me what it is?
Dad: Sure.
(two minutes later)
Dad: It's still an envelope.
Two guys were standing in front of me while waiting in line for the pharmacy. One begins making small talk about the weather:
"I hope the rain keeps up!"
"Huh?"
"So it doesn't come down!"
Groan
-sabe inglés?
-si
-como se dice ”un zapato” en inglés?
-a shoe
-salud
-gracias
my dad had these tubes in his nose, with oxygen when he woke up, and the nurse was around doing medical stuff..
Dad: Is these tubes necessary? can I take them out?
Nurse: I can try turning them off?
nurse is turning the medical ventilator off ...
My dad grasps for air
Nurse jumps in shock turning the ventilator on again and turns to look at my stupid father laughing
Nurse: "YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE, DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!"
My dad was pretty woozy at the time and still he made the practical joke of the year
Haha! ahh I love that old bastard..
My struggle to translate the German to English was intense.
Sadly it doesnt work in english. Ill give you the gist though.
Sei ich in einem langweiligen französisch Kurs. Stapel Stifte und Radiergummies, und nach einiger Zeit fragt die Lehrerin was ich den mache. "ich bin nebenberuflicher Hochstapler"
Translated gist: I was stacking pens and erasers in a french class. When the teacher asked what I was doing I said, Im a part time Hochstapler wich can basically mean high-stacker or fraudster
Got the whole class to laugh, twas fun
After I got back from school, my dad asked me in my native language "How's school going?" or literally translated from Macedonian to English "How's school walking?".
- Good.
No, it's not walking, it can't walk ha-ha!
Kill me.
This one is translated from Dutch, dunno works as well in English, but here goes!
Me: "What are we gonna do with dinner?"
Him: "Eat"
Him - "This stuff is easy. My son in grade 6 is learning how to translate shapes right now."
Me - "I didn't realize there was a difference between a French square and an English square."
Took him a moment, but he groaned and shook his head. I saw the smile he was trying to hide.
