Endlessly Puns

I cannoli imagine.

she's worked very hard and i know it's been difficult for her, but i'm very proud. she's in possibly the best shape of her life and she is once again confident in her own body, but i will endlessly love her despite what she looks like.

what, were you expecting me to say something about a baby?

Last night, my daughter and I:

Her: "I'm cold, dad."

Me: "No, I'm cold dad, you're cold Elizabeth."

Her: "Dad, stop it! I'm cold, dad!"

Me: "No, I'm cold dad, you're cold Elizabeth!"

Her: "Daaaad! I'm cold, dad!"

Me: "I think what you want to say is "Dad, I'm cold.'"

Her: "Dad, I'm cold."

Me: "Hi cold, I'm Dad."

Her: "DAD NO."

Edit: Oh god the formatting was horrible, sorry about that.

Endless Love

I turned it on its side, now it’s endless opportunity.

I've got all the tine in the world.

They either suffer twice as many dad jokes or an endless cycle of “ask your mother”.

The kids thought it was aMAZEing.

Cheery Bowel Syndrome

Angry Bowel Syndrome

Naive Bowel Syndrome (right before you have Taco Bell)

The list is endless and frightening

You cut the ends and now you have endless bread.

Courtesy of my 12 year old daughter.

It both is and isn't a black-and-white issue.

My daughter who is 15 was hanging out with one of her friends. They were having a typical teenage conversation over which is better turkey or chicken. After a good 5 minutes of "Turkey.. No chicken... No turkey!" I interjected and said "You know what... I think your conversation is pretty fowl". It was a very proud period of silence after that.

If we ever get to 2021. I will be endlessly talking people that `2020 is hindsight` and the sear terribleness of this pun got all god and Eldridge abominations to band up and try to end humanity before that happens. With this, earthly insight, I decided that everyone must be informed of the pun. It is, my and I can't die peacefully knowing it has not laid its mark on a mortal soul

A sauce of endless entertainment.

So a doctor that I work for has the ultimate dad jokes. One of my favorites was last night:

We are repairing a dogs lip... Dr. S: His lip looks like hamburger, yeah? Me: ...yeah it kind of does Dr S: So you know what that makes me? Me: ...... Dr. S: Hamburger Helper!!!

Hahaha :) I can't remember them all right now.

He followed the enchanting voice till he came upon a singing yellowfin tuna. He knew he had found something incredible. He caught the fish, kept it alive and returned home.

He showed his friends and posted videos on tik tok, and the singing fish went viral. It could sing almost anything, but Pavarotti was it's favorite.

The fisherman toured around the world with the fish and set up a website to sell merch. The clothing he made sold like crazy, so he ordered thousands of short sleeve shirts to be made in advance.

Unfortunately, the fish died, and the public lost interest. The fisherman was left with endless opera tuna tees.

The flavours are endless

Theme is Mexican food and my last name is Bean. I know the possibilities are endless but I want something perfect.

The legal battle would be endless.

I don't see this happening, but it would be nice if there were topical post flairs we could mark our dad jokes with. For example "movies", "kitchen", "car", "job", "wife", "mother-n-law", etc. I suppose the possibilities are endless, which probably means it won't be happening. But, you'll be cooler than my dad, if you do. :-) There is a lot of comedy gold on here, which would be great to have these to sort by when inspiration fails to strike.

The pastabilities are endless.

Son: “Dad, why do you keep telling dad jokes”

Dad: “well you see son, once you become a dad, you’re stuck in an endless cycle of working from dusk to dawn to pay your mortgage and bills. There’s no more sex or passion with your mom. Dad jokes are my one attempt to keep humor in my life”

Son: “But Dad, you can —“

Dad: “you could say I’m “Dad” inside” weeps

We can't mention the fact that someone's deaf without my Dad responding 'pardon?'

As a child I would repeat myself endlessly as he lolled inside.

David Justice (MLB Commentators provide an endless flow of Dad Jokes)

There used to be two great punners. We were the best at what we did. And what we did was pun. There was me, a simple lad from a tiny backwater town and then there was him. A swarthy fellow from the land of the Armada, the Inquisition and the Conquistadors. A Spaniard he was, by both birth and spirit. We duelled relentlessly, always gaining ground only to see it slip away, a pun-of-war as it were. A seemingly eternal struggle for dominion. This endless struggle took its toll on both him and I, until I realized that it was time to stop. I chose to cede the mantle to him. And I will never go back to that life.

And so...

There will only be Juan.

Just finished explaining to my dad what Tinder was and he let this one off:

"Now I know how pirates found all that booty."
"....What?"
"Tindarrrrrrrggggg."

Everyone within earshot instantly groaned while my dad I and laughed endlessly

And she said, "I want to pack light." and I responded with, "Okay, you're going to need some flashlights, a lantern, and a few packs of matches..." The groaning was endless.

Whenever she sneezes I say "achoo!". This morning she sneezed twice, so I said "achoo" twice. She said "no dad, you mean achtwo, because I sneezed twice!"

I guess she's getting her revenge. She'll make a fine dad one day.

My college cross country coach was a source of endless terrible jokes. One time, the team was preparing to embark on a long run from campus, and our coach told us to be careful.

"Did you heard about the guy who got hit by a car last week? He lost his left arm and his left leg."

"Oh no! Is he ok?"

"He's all right now."

What do you call endless love?

Louis Armstrong and Miles Davis playing tennis.