Ever dream of a world where desserts are endless?

I cannoli imagine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
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my wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning.

she's worked very hard and i know it's been difficult for her, but i'm very proud. she's in possibly the best shape of her life and she is once again confident in her own body, but i will endlessly love her despite what she looks like.

what, were you expecting me to say something about a baby?

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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The endless dadjoke

Last night, my daughter and I:

Her: "I'm cold, dad."

Me: "No, I'm cold dad, you're cold Elizabeth."

Her: "Dad, stop it! I'm cold, dad!"

Me: "No, I'm cold dad, you're cold Elizabeth!"

Her: "Daaaad! I'm cold, dad!"

Me: "I think what you want to say is "Dad, I'm cold.'"

Her: "Dad, I'm cold."

Me: "Hi cold, I'm Dad."

Her: "DAD NO."

Edit: Oh god the formatting was horrible, sorry about that.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CanSpice
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2014
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What do you call Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis?

Endless Love

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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I drew the number 8 and called it opportunity.

I turned it on its side, now it’s endless opportunity.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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What did the man with an endless supply of forks say?

I've got all the tine in the world.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iamvanno
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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I feel bad for children of gay parents

They either suffer twice as many dad jokes or an endless cycle of β€œask your mother”.

πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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I Went to a theme park with my family, and there was an endless maze

The kids thought it was aMAZEing.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrampedPanther
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
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Irritable Bowel Syndrome implies the existence of other bowel syndromes, such as:

Cheery Bowel Syndrome

Angry Bowel Syndrome

Naive Bowel Syndrome (right before you have Taco Bell)

The list is endless and frightening

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KungFuThor
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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How do you feed 1000 people with one loaf of bread?

You cut the ends and now you have endless bread.

Courtesy of my 12 year old daughter.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/houseme
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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Which color is a zebra's base color? The debate is endless, and there is no clear answer.

It both is and isn't a black-and-white issue.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/degco44
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2017
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Ended an endless teen conversation

My daughter who is 15 was hanging out with one of her friends. They were having a typical teenage conversation over which is better turkey or chicken. After a good 5 minutes of "Turkey.. No chicken... No turkey!" I interjected and said "You know what... I think your conversation is pretty fowl". It was a very proud period of silence after that.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anxdiety
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2014
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Guys, I know why 2020 been so awful.

If we ever get to 2021. I will be endlessly talking people that `2020 is hindsight` and the sear terribleness of this pun got all god and Eldridge abominations to band up and try to end humanity before that happens. With this, earthly insight, I decided that everyone must be informed of the pun. It is, my and I can't die peacefully knowing it has not laid its mark on a mortal soul

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greenflame15
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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What do you call a funny condiment?

A sauce of endless entertainment.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaveTendo
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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His dad jokes are endless.

So a doctor that I work for has the ultimate dad jokes. One of my favorites was last night:

We are repairing a dogs lip... Dr. S: His lip looks like hamburger, yeah? Me: ...yeah it kind of does Dr S: So you know what that makes me? Me: ...... Dr. S: Hamburger Helper!!!

Hahaha :) I can't remember them all right now.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thaaatgirl
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2013
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Once long ago, a fisherman heard beautiful singing while he was alone a at sea.

He followed the enchanting voice till he came upon a singing yellowfin tuna. He knew he had found something incredible. He caught the fish, kept it alive and returned home.

He showed his friends and posted videos on tik tok, and the singing fish went viral. It could sing almost anything, but Pavarotti was it's favorite.

The fisherman toured around the world with the fish and set up a website to sell merch. The clothing he made sold like crazy, so he ordered thousands of short sleeve shirts to be made in advance.

Unfortunately, the fish died, and the public lost interest. The fisherman was left with endless opera tuna tees.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/basmith0
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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I baked you a Ο€!

The flavours are endless

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
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Need a Punny name for upcoming Roller Derby Bout.

Theme is Mexican food and my last name is Bean. I know the possibilities are endless but I want something perfect.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beaniebabiee94
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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Why can’t the Infinity car company trademark ∞?

The legal battle would be endless.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Knowbob
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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REQUEST FOR MODERATORS: Topical Flairs For Jokes?

I don't see this happening, but it would be nice if there were topical post flairs we could mark our dad jokes with. For example "movies", "kitchen", "car", "job", "wife", "mother-n-law", etc. I suppose the possibilities are endless, which probably means it won't be happening. But, you'll be cooler than my dad, if you do. :-) There is a lot of comedy gold on here, which would be great to have these to sort by when inspiration fails to strike.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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There’s over 500 types of pasta.

The pastabilities are endless.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mldutch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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Son: β€œDad, why do you keep telling dad jokes?”

Son: β€œDad, why do you keep telling dad jokes”

Dad: β€œwell you see son, once you become a dad, you’re stuck in an endless cycle of working from dusk to dawn to pay your mortgage and bills. There’s no more sex or passion with your mom. Dad jokes are my one attempt to keep humor in my life”

Son: β€œBut Dad, you can β€”β€œ

Dad: β€œyou could say I’m β€œDad” inside” weeps

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andyh10s
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
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Every bloody time...

We can't mention the fact that someone's deaf without my Dad responding 'pardon?'

As a child I would repeat myself endlessly as he lolled inside.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-onmyface-
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2014
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Who was Ryan Sherriff's (Cardinals Pitcher) favorite baseball player growing up?

David Justice (MLB Commentators provide an endless flow of Dad Jokes)

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2017
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A Tale of two punners.

There used to be two great punners. We were the best at what we did. And what we did was pun. There was me, a simple lad from a tiny backwater town and then there was him. A swarthy fellow from the land of the Armada, the Inquisition and the Conquistadors. A Spaniard he was, by both birth and spirit. We duelled relentlessly, always gaining ground only to see it slip away, a pun-of-war as it were. A seemingly eternal struggle for dominion. This endless struggle took its toll on both him and I, until I realized that it was time to stop. I chose to cede the mantle to him. And I will never go back to that life.

And so...

There will only be Juan.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeeves86
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2012
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Dadjoked on Tinder

Just finished explaining to my dad what Tinder was and he let this one off:

"Now I know how pirates found all that booty."
"....What?"
"Tindarrrrrrrggggg."

Everyone within earshot instantly groaned while my dad I and laughed endlessly

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poopoctopus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2014
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My girlfriend and I are traveling...

And she said, "I want to pack light." and I responded with, "Okay, you're going to need some flashlights, a lantern, and a few packs of matches..." The groaning was endless.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BoboDaKlown
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2015
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Dadjoke revenge from my daughter

Whenever she sneezes I say "achoo!". This morning she sneezed twice, so I said "achoo" twice. She said "no dad, you mean achtwo, because I sneezed twice!"

I guess she's getting her revenge. She'll make a fine dad one day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CanSpice
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2015
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Got dad-joked by my college coach

My college cross country coach was a source of endless terrible jokes. One time, the team was preparing to embark on a long run from campus, and our coach told us to be careful.

"Did you heard about the guy who got hit by a car last week? He lost his left arm and his left leg."

"Oh no! Is he ok?"

"He's all right now."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xcgeorge
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2015
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Waiter told me this one last night...

What do you call endless love?

Louis Armstrong and Miles Davis playing tennis.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2013
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