Embraceable You Puns

I hug my wife and children

It started out as just one dress, but she enjoyed it so much that she started making more. She told us that she is now fully embracing her hobby, and had decided to wear corsets for a week to prove that they can be comfortable and not torture devices. To which I replied: "So I guess you could say that your hobby is fully embracing you!"

Bonus: About 10 minutes previous, I had told one of the other people in the conversation that I'd been practicing my dad jokes for years before my daughter was born.

The husband replies reassuringly "yes you are honey" -- to which his wife embraces him comfortably

...the husband continues on to say "the rest have been 8's, 9's, and even some 10's!"

Edit: why was this marked as wholesome LOL

Not many people are aware of its existence but I assure that it is there all the same. The king of this little land faces a lot of difficulty. He wants to make his kingdom into a sovereign nation but unfortunately they do not have the infrastructure, population, or economy to do so. In fact, this small state is only known for a single export. Thanks to their proximity to some of the finest gold and other metals in the world but total lack of an ability to process those metals on a mass scale, they have been left with only one option. You know the saying; when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Make lemonade they did. This tiny territory is renowned for creating the highest quality watches in the world. No expense is spared and their elite group of craftsmen train for their entire lives from childhood to produce these terrific timepieces. Men of great wealth and taste have been known to trade entire fortunes for just a single one of these watches; that is how valuable they are.

The king knows this and he knows that only a small portion of his populace can ever hope to become one of the respected elite, let alone hold one of their masterpieces in their own hands. Being a very just and fair man, the king ordered the most senior watchmaker in the land to create something the likes of which had never been seen. A watch of such great craftsmanship so as to be above monetary value. The man labored long and hard for many nights to produce the king's watch. When he at last presented the completed work to his lord - in front of the entire nation, no less - he was met with thunderous applause and a warm embrace. He had done it! The king then made a shocking announcement.

"This masterpiece belongs to my people!"

When the roaring of the crowd died down he continued.

"This watch shall be a symbol of my love for all of you. Though I rule over you with supreme authority I do not wish a single one of you to feel that you do not have a voice in the ruling of this nation. From this day on let anyone who doubts my decisions or questions my judgment wear this watch and stand as my equal to voice their concerns. Should even a single one of you think me unfair or wrong in any matter then simply come to my castle and I will present you this token of good faith."

The king made good on his word and from that day on all citizens knew they held the right to challenge their king's rulings. Over time the watch became a symbol of fairness throughout the land. Anyone who wore it

Cuddling on the couch in an embrace I grabbed her boob and started to nod off. She noticed and said: Every time you grab my boob you calm down. You're like a baby. To which I replied: It's the breast stress relief....

My wife and I decided to have leftovers for dinner last night. As I was leaving to pick up our kid from day care, she asked "can I start anything for you?"

I started walking over to her and said "you can start a hug for me!"

She raised her arms slightly but didn't embrace me; I mostly bounced off of her.

She was grinning like mad. "I started a hug for you!"

This got a good laugh out of me, but she wasn't done yet.

"You walked right into that one!"

"Literally and figuratively!"

So in my calculus class last year in math, there were these two Chinese twins. Ving, and Ling. Ving was always super cool with me. In exchange for answers (he was super smart) I would hang out with him and be his friend and stuff. After I cheated off of him and studied with him though, I did get to be his friend and we got very close.

His sister, Ling, was always uptight about school and she made sure to study, she got stressed about a B, etc. One day I was hanging out with Ving, and we started talking about names. He went off on this huge rant about how he hated his, and how he wanted to change it to something more Asian-American, like Lee. I told him that the Courthouse downtown had a form that you could fill to legally change it. He told me: "I always give you answers. If you could just drive me down to the courthouse this one time, I will never forget you. I just hate this god-forsaken Chinese name and I want to get rid of it forever."

He seemed pretty adamant about it, so I decided the best decision would be to take him. We walked out to my car, and right as I put the keys in the ignition Ling came running and tapped on the car door like a madman. I rolled it down and she started freaking out about how Ving's name had been passed down through generations and generations, but Ving didn't care. He just wanted to go down to the Courthouse and get it over with.

Ling figured that coming with would be the best idea, so if anything else came up that she would be needed for, she would be there for Ving. Honestly, I felt stuck in the middle of a family feud, so I just took her along. When we got to the Courthouse, Ving confidently walked up to the front desk and asked the receptionist if he could change his name. She gave him a little packet of paper and told him to sit down. Ling and I waited patiently while Ving filled out his info. I was watching him fill it out and I noticed he really did want to change his name to Lee.

Before he finished, though, he started tearing up. He told me he couldn't change his name. He asked the lady at the front that he couldn't do it, and she told him he would need twenty dollars to cancel the request. Ling was so relieved and happy that he changed his mind, she dug through her purse, found the money, and started to hand it to the receptionist.

It was at this moment that the most stereotypical Asian man burst through the doors. He was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, a visor, American flag shorts, flip flops, everything. This

A dad walks up to his son and says, "Son, I think it's about time I told you about your real heritage. You see son, you're half-Arabic." The son is very surprised: "What?! Dad, I thought we were white!"

The dad fumbles around behind his back for a minute and says, "I know it comes as a shock, but I think in time, I can help you embrace your roots." He then pulls a paper bag from behind his back and puts it on his head: "In the meantime, you can call me BAG DAD."

I spent a good portion of my youth rolling my eyes at my father's jokes. But deep down, I loved 'em. I have a great Dad. But I'm not really the best at saying "I love you". I was reading /r/dadjokes recently and I had an idea. I should turn my Dad's favorite joke into a t-shirt. Then, on Father's Day, I could video chat with him while I wear the shirt.

I think he would love the shit out of that, you know? Like, maybe he will think "Wow, my son gets it. He actually likes my humor!"

Then I thought, I could turn a bunch of these jokes into shirts. So I did. You can see them here:

http://www.funnyshirts.org/s/dadjokes

And then I thought, man, if I could get more people to do nothing else on Father's Day but to embrace their Dad's sense of humor... that would be pretty cool. It would make a lot of Dads happy.

So I wrote the Dad Joke Manifesto:

http://dadjokemanifesto.tumblr.com/themanifesto

You don't have to use t-shirts. Just make a good joke. Employ puns. Think about your Dad's style, his favorite joke, and embrace it.

If you can dig it, then join the movement. Send me your favorite Dad Jokes. Join us on:

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If nothing else, follow along for some good dad jokes.