See title I guess

I’m just curious how you realized that being (dress, mannerisms, etc.) masc/fem wasn’t enough and you needed hormones and surgery to be fulfilled.

Edit: Wow! I’d like to thank everyone for sharing— I really learned so much and so many different perspectives!

So, I got drunk, called you names and beat the crap out of you, am I man enough now?

Goddamn, I’m listening to the third Tatacaw debate and his squeaky little voice, the way he does that powerless little scoff/sigh, that rolling, hesitant inflection of his makes me wanna jam forks into my ears.

That’s to say nothing of the way he debates. So far he’s split hairs between a jacket and a hoodie, said the hooded figure wasn’t within Historia’s sight because her back was turned, bunch of other crap.

I’m glad this is the type of person who disagrees with us. It’s no surprise that the type of people he attracts have really bad depression.

Heyyy y'all. Lurker here for a bit. I just want to say that guns never used to be my thing. But the rise of fascism in the US has made me start questioning my safety. I went to a shooting range a bit ago and tried it for the first time and I gotta say, something about firing a pistol while I had purple nail polish on was like, super empowering haha?

I don't know how bad things are gonna get as the country continues its downward spiral, but better to be prepared for anything, right? Thanks mostly to this sub, I've decided its time to buy my first gun! So yeah, I'm joining the armed gay community now if thats a thing lol. Let's practice some poetic justice and closet these fascists.

Limp wrists and clenched fists y'all. Solidarity!

Edit: y’all are so nice 😭

I think it’s odd that I can’t think of a lone word to describe an effeminate man that doesn’t feel fetishy. Femboy is used by a variety of odd crowds online, including people who are specifically misgendering a trans character in entertainment or using it as a fetish for feminine men from a weirdly closeted far-right gay angle. When it’s used on a human it’s ONLY to fetishize a person. Twink a somewhat more neutral but again I’ve only seen it used to imply the “twink”ness as their entire personality rather than just a feminine guy with his own personality. I dunno.

So seriously, is there a better word for this or is the Anglo language just that unequipped?

I've been thinking lately that I may be non-binary. I've been a man for my whole life, but I've recently been rethinking my gender identity. I'm definitely more of an effeminate man in nature. I present as masculine physically for the most part (beard and the occasional women's scarf, sunglasses, sweater,) but I sometimes lean towards more feminine tendencies in terms of personality traits and opinions on things. My current conundrum is this: There's this whole new wave of defining masculinity as something more feminine or at least more open to emotional expression and EQ. There are also tons of straight men wearing makeup and getting their nails done. I know that's reductive of what it means to be non-binary, but I guess my point is that masculinity is changing. So I guess I'm wondering whether the label "man" could turn into something that I feel represents me, or whether I should abandon the label and just embrace being non-binary. I definitely don't think of myself as a man in the traditional sense, but I guess it doesn't especially bother me when other people refer to me as male.

How did you know that you were non-binary and not just a man with some more feminine traits?

Apologies for any errors in lingo. I'm a millennial, so I'm only partially educated on these subjects. Thanks for your help.

Happy New Year, dahlings! Your friendly, lovable support unicorn mod here. Alrighty, strap in, let’s tackle this head-on. First off, we need to acknowledge that we seem to be at an impasse, because as luck would have it, the article in question, was posted right around the holidays, the perfect time when we’re all busy living our lives, and unable to babysit the sub. Consequently, by the time the team got around to reviewing the comments in the thread, it had already been seen and shared by tons. As such, I would like to preface this by stating that though I am aware that what I write here needs to be handled with tact and grace, given the sensitive and political nature of the article, ultimately, being that it’s the internet, regardless of what I say here, some backlash is inevitable. Case in point, less than 24 hours after I locked the thread, someone PMed accusing the sub of being sinophobic and racist.

For the record, I’d like to state that I am a cis-gay, disabled, Taiwanese-American TCK (third-culture kid) who spent a considerable amount of time living in China. Other than gender identity, I pretty much check all the “marginalisation boxes” (sure, you can eyeroll, but keep in mind, like you, I don’t get an award for dealing with any of life’s bullshit either!) I’m going to try to address two prominent issues in the article thread:

Issue #1: The news article itself, China, and racism/xenophobia

On a basic human level, it’s tragic and devastating, no ands, ifs, or buts. As someone who’s lost dear ones to suicide, I can’t even begin to describe to you the pain and grief of incurring such a loss. Not to mention that it’s a completely different kind of grief, compared to that of losing someone older than you or who has lived a full life. My heart breaks this man’s loved ones and all who knew him, because they will have to deal with the pain of this loss for the rest of their lives. More importantly, however, arguably the saddest thing for me is the thought that the death of this man is but just one statistic in an entire ocean of people (remember, China is the 2nd most populous country in the world). In regards to the indoctrinated emasculation of Chinese men, unfortunately, it seems to be the [trajectory](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/31/opinion/china-masculinity

THIS IS NOT A TROLL POST, MODS PLEASE LEAVE THIS POST UP.

People may think I'm trolling when they see the title, but I assure you, I am not. Asian men are not effeminate, that is very far from the truth. Those of you who have seen my previous posts may already know why that is, but due to the influx of new members of the past year and the fact I want to compile my posts together into one cohesive piece.

Foreword

Note, if you have any questions, please feel free to leave them in the comments or PM me directly. The purpose of this post is to dispel the myth of the "effeminate asian male" and to continue to awaken other Asian men to the truth. If you have any AM friends in real life who are suffering due to this myth, please send them this post.

Evidence 1: Testosterone Levels

As we know, Testosterone is an integral part of being "hormonally male". Anyone who says being "hyper masculine" or being "masculine" has nothing to do with testosterone are lying. Male features are directly impacted by testosterone.

We have some of the highest if not highest testosterone levels, the link I just posted will go in depth into providing proof to back up my evidence. We have some of the highest total testosterone levels, bioavailable and free testosterone.

Evidence 2: Facial structure

Asians belong to the "Robust" category of species, allowing us to develop objectively more rugged and masculine features. We have the broadest faces, highest forward growth, larger jaws, broad noses, hunter eyes and chins. These are all objectively facially masculine traits.

This post, this post and This post provides the proof to back up my claims. We objectively, have the most masculine facial features.

Evidence 3: Penile length/girth

The whole "BBC" or "small asian cock" myths are both unfounded. The averages and statistics prove that significant gaps regarding erect length and girth do not exist as an average. Outliers do exist, but porn is not an accurate source of information

[This post, not made by me](https://www.reddit.com/r/aznid

and here's why i think the lgbt community is filled with a bunch of know-it-all narcissists that don't deserve any rights

Walk down the main strip of Boystown (excuse me…Northalsted) any summer afternoon and you’ll find a pack of roving twinks being insufferably catty and not the way this sub enjoys. And I mean so stereotypical Twitter would call them a bit much. Literally once a saw a pack of five Twinks wearing matching glittery booty shorts and crop tops. Naturally they all thought they were the shit.

At the same time tho, there’s a leather bar several miles north that’s been open since the early 70s. Met men of all ages there who are so jacked they could twist any of you reading this into a knot and that’s not an exaggeration. These guys embody the raw sexual energy of hyper-masculinity. Frankly the most manly guy I’ve ever met was a raging homo. Like it’s not even a contest. Then again I work in big tech so I’m not exactly interacting with lumberjacks on the daily.

But yeah, there seems to be an interesting hyper feminine/hyper masculine dichotomy in the gay community and I’m wondering why that is.

Like I felt we had a connection as we weren’t awkward at all and I was comfortable to be myself in a way. And that’s hard to do especially since I am awkward and shy myself. I don’t know I have just always been attracted to really masculine men. I am not homophobic at all. I am actually bi myself. But I don’t know I just can’t get attracted to effeminate men. His mannerisms were very much similar to a gay man. And I don’t know if I should settle for that. Because he said he liked me after the first date and said he was super comfortable with me. He is also from a culture where homophobia is rampant. But he could very well be straight but just be more feminine. I honestly have no idea what I should do. He pressurized me into telling me how the date went through text message. Even though I was worried for his safety as he drove from another state to go on this date. And he kind of blew up on me saying he’s a good person and deserves better than me because I said I didn’t feel that connection. He also said I clearly don’t value him and this generation doesn’t value personality and kindness. So I don’t know I can’t force myself to like him sexually. So I know he’s hurting and I wish it was different and I didn’t cause him this trauma. What should I do? He’s been through a lot and I feel really guilty for putting him through this.

[Joseph son of Jacob and Rachel, not Joseph the husband of Mary]

The Hebrew word ”Ketonet Passim” is only used in the original texts of The Bible two times. Once to describe the flashy garment Jospeh wears, and then it’s used when talking about what Tamar wears, where it is described as being an ornate dress for virgin princesses.

We know at the time, people who were “above” having to do manual labour tasks often wore longer garments. Royalty, priests etc, had floor length robes because they did not do manual labour. All of Josephs brothers had to work in the fields except Joseph who was favoured buy his father and given a flashy piece of clothing that meant he was exempt from the manual labour of his brothers.

Later on in life, Joseph begins to interpret dreams for the King. We know ancient Egyptians had three words for gender, [tai (male), hmt (female), sḫt (non-binary)]. Intimate positions within the Pharaoh’s court were often held by sḫt people.

It’s also worth noting that ancient texts used by both Jewish people and Muslim people also talk about Joseph and describe him as wearing make-up, even though the Christian texts leave that part out of his description, they do at least go on and on about how exceptionally beautiful he was. The Torah described Joseph like this: “[he] behaved like a boy, penciling his eyes, curling his hair, and lifting his heel”.

Isn’t it also intriguing Jospeh didn’t want to sleep with Potipher’s wife? The word “na‘ar” is used to describe Joseph, who At 17 years of age would normally be considered an adult in that time, however ”na’ar” is a boyish term, one often used to describe the effeminate teens that were used as sexual objects by wealthy men at the time. Potipher is said to have “purchased Jospeh from the Ishamealites ‘for himself’”. This could imply Potiphar intended to buy Jospeh the na’ar as a sexual object for himself.

What do you think?

Tim has been part of the discussion again recently after his recent appearance on Bares All, the fact that his ex Jeniffer (yes, that is how it's spelled for some reason) is on the upcoming Single Life and that he is apparently dating another Colombian woman.

As soon as you see any of the posts about him, you can be quite sure there are a number of posts saying that he is a liar for calling himself straight, which I think is very offensive to Tim; calling anyone a liar without evidence is not cool. Being effeminate does not equal being gay.

Sure, Tim has a trope of behaving in a way that does make him seem that way inclined, almost to a hilarious degree, and I think it's ok to comment on that trope. But after being told by half of the fanbase and even by cast members such as Jesse that he must be gay, I'm sure the man has had the internal grapple with himself to understand his sexuality, and I for one fully believe that he is straight and he knows it.

It's kind of like when Stephanie was crapped on by half the fanbase who were saying that she wasn't actually bisexual. Not having sex with one particular woman doesn't make you not bisexual.

We should choose to believe people when they state their sexuality.

Edit: clearly this opinion is not as unpopular as I thought! So glad to see so many thoughtful people on this sub. If you look at the least popular comments though, you'll see exactly the kind of disgusting comments that made me feel like writing this in the first place

I ask this as the "effeminate" son with a very conservative and traditional father.

My dad used to be concerned about my masculinity so he tried to find ways to improve this, which often involved trying to force activities onto me while taking certain passions and ideals away from me. This just resulted in me becoming a 19 year old with nonexistent self-esteem. I don't blame him because he had two sons before me, although they are both a lot more masculine and similar to my dad. However, it's something that's made me doubt my self-image.

Because of this, I just wanted to see how other fathers' would approach having an effeminate son. When I say effeminate, I mean a son that both lacks masculine qualities while having many feminine qualities. What would you do?

I've (22m) read a fair few posts on this sub, and so many proclaim the need of being a masculine and dominant man. If you want to be successful with women you have to become a real man.

But I have no idea how to do this. It doesn't feel natural to me. I've always been a kinda effeminate guy, passive. Being in the womans position on a date just seems more attractive to me than being the one in charge. I'm emotional and risk averse. And I despise myself for being this way.

I was also raised by a domineering mother. I can't think of any male role models during my childhood.

This does not help with my confidence, self-esteem or dating at all. My self-image is in the toilet and I've never been on a date in my life due to anxiety.

So I don't really know where to go from here. If this post is for venting or requesting actual advice, I'm not sure. Report and delete it if it doesn't fit in this sub.

Edit: Thanks to all of you for the comments and advice. It's truly been useful, cathartic and therapeutic for me.

After some reflection I might want to rephrase my post. My problem isn't necessarily my effeminate qualities, but rather my lack of confidence and self-esteem. Those are probably the biggest hurdles. Becoming more comfortable in my own skin should probably be center of my efforts. Becoming more traditionally masculine is a tool, but not the end goal. To get rid of, or deal with, my anxiety and depression is the end goal.

Once again, thank you.

I have found For Want of an Outfit, but it’s exhaustingly long and drifts from what originally made it interesting. https://forums.sufficientvelocity.com/threads/for-want-of-an-outfit-harry-potter.84758/

I know that 'to emasculate' is a verb and to 'be effeminate' is an adjective, but it still confuses me how these words (which appear to be opposites) are pretty close to being the same thing. Also I find it strange that they don't have corresponding antonyms, like I never hear people say that someone is 'effeminized' or whatever. Hoping for some insight!!

So I have a question.

I was recently watching a lovely video about the r/egg_IRL Subreddit and it was strangely relatable and not how that sub is supposed to be.

I'm a bisexual cisman (at least to my knowledge) however I'm both very effeminate and I don't really mind partaking in very traditionally feminine activities like wearing make up or wearing dresses and I also like to play female characters as much as I like to play male ones.

However I don't want to change my name and prefer masculine pronouns.

So like my question is: When does going against traditional gender roles crossover in being non binary?

Thank you for your time