My kids are usually really noisy when they eat their Easter candy, but not this year.

I didn't hear a single Peep.

👍︎ 11
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📅︎ Apr 19 2022
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Easter Candy?
👍︎ 5
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📅︎ Apr 04 2021
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My son ate too much Easter candy one year, and threw it all up making loud wailing sounds as he did so.

I didn't want to hear another Peep out of him.

👍︎ 8
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📅︎ Sep 15 2020
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Someone kidnapped the Easter Bunny, hoping to steal his stash of candy. But the Bunny was steadfast and wouldn't talk.

Couldn't get a Peep out of him.

👍︎ 6
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👤︎ u/emjay144
📅︎ Mar 20 2020
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Easter candy joke on unsuspecting clerk.

I was checking out at the dollar with a Sprite, some chocolate Bunnie candies and cream eggs yesterday. As I approach the counter, the dude asks me if I found everything alright.

I pause for a moment, think about it, and say to him.

"So, I see you guys have the Easter candy out. Any idea on when you'll have in the Wester candy?"

The dude thought about it seriously for a second, then he got it. He looks dead at me as I'm sure I had the dumbest smile on my face, groans and starts laughing too.

👍︎ 74
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📅︎ Mar 26 2016
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What did I do when my co-workers at the candy factory staged a strike to protest the commercialization of Easter Sunday?

I didn't make a Peep.

👍︎ 12
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📅︎ Jan 13 2018
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My Thanksgiving Confession

Hey guys. As I'm sure most of you know, it's currently Thanksgiving in Canada. This time of year for me has, in the past, caused a lot of issues in my life.

To give a little bit of background on me, I'm usually an extremely healthy and fit guy, as I play high-level sports and have a physically demanding job. However, for much of my life, my willpower began to crumble around this time of year.

I first started taking my diet seriously when I was about 12 years old. I had some kind of realization where like, I dunno, I started looking at how jacked these movie stars were and was all, "wow, I want to be that cool too." Judging by the bowl cut I had when I was 12, my perception of cool may have been a little skewed, but I digress.

Anyhow, it was my first Thanksgiving where everything started falling apart. One of my relative's families ended up no-showing for dinner, so we were left with a load of Thanksgiving leftovers. For the next week, every single meal or snack I had was Thanksgiving themed. Sandwich? Turkey sandwich. Breakfast? Let's dollop some cranberry sauce on that bad boy. By the next week, my BGC (blood gravy content) was probably at like 1.0%.

You'd think I'd be sick of holiday food after that. But no. I loved it.

The tradition of refrigerated Thanksgiving snacks continued throughout the rest of my teen years. Like clockwork, the numbers on the scale would significantly jump upwards in October, with Halloween candy adding an extra layer of calories on top. By the time I reached 17, my waist had begun noticeably ballooning, and I realized it was all due to Thanksgiving turkey. Sure, I had some at Christmas and sometimes at Easter, but never like that. My mother would encourage this habit, making more food each year to be stuffed into our packed refrigerator.

The movie star bod I wanted for so much at the age of 12 was slipping a way. I needed to put an end to this.

Flash forward to October 2015, age 18. I had made a vow: I never again would place such putrid poultry onto my tastebuds. And ever since that fateful week of 2014, my vow had held true.

Each Thanksgiving, I can feel that craving for chilled turkey knocking on the refrigerator door of my fragile ego. For three years, I've held strong. But when will the garrison fall? When will that soft, biting flesh of the big bird smash it's way back into my life.

But so far, I've quit cold turkey.

👍︎ 7
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👤︎ u/M3gaC00l
📅︎ Oct 09 2018
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