E Card Puns

The cop said, “Sir, that’s not how you play the race card.”

For the past 10 years I've been getting valentine's cards from a secret admirer, so I was pretty upset when I didn't get one this year.

First my gran dies, now this!

...and that's a deck of cards glued together.

I used my discount card but could only get 20% off.

It's my social insecurity card

The dad replied, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"

The son replies, "Your name on this report card."

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All seated back here, captain", came the reply, "except the lawyers are still going around passing business cards."

A guy walks into a bar, sits at a table and orders a beer. He then proceeds to pull out hundreds of pink valentine's day cards, write inside them and stamp them with "Love" stamps. He then pulls out a bottle of expensive perfume and spritzes each envelope. The bartender finally can't contain his curiosity and approaches the man. "You must have 500 or more cards there," the bartender says. "I've got to admit I'm curious what you're doing." "Oh, every year at Valentine's Day I send out 500 cards, each one signed 'Guess Who?'" the guy says. "But why?" the bartender asks. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the guy replies.

They're afraid of card sharks!

Her card is entirely mushroom based and one of the lines i got offline is

You are like a truffle hard to find and incredibly valuable. I want to change the hard to find part.

Here are some puns I already have

Not to be Mushy but since it is your birthday I just want to say; I think you are the most Fungiing awesome mom, you are cute as a Button, you put in the fun in Fungus, you have always been there for Morel support, and you are like a Truffle; hard to find and incredibly valuable. You are the Champion of Moms! I mean I turned out alright, not to toot my own Trumpet.

I want to use the word "fungimentally" and "sporatically" if possible too haha let me know if you have any extras to add!

edit:grammar

Why was Billy’s (he used my brothers name) report card all wet? It was below C level

giving someone a gift card for a specific shop

“Don’t spend it all in one place! ;)”

Her business card says “How can I get you a loan?”

You'll spend the whole game folding your cards.

Take away his credit card

Barman: no problem, will you pay in card or cash?

Guy: oh no just put it on my tap

The judge stated I was to serve my entire sentence completely alone, and in a cell made out of playing cards.

He called it, "Solitaire confinement"

She said "Sorry, we only take cash or card."

The kid behind the counter said, sorry we only take cash or credit cards

During a betting round, the stoner raises, so the event chair folds. All the rest call.

Now it's time for the showdown. The stoner only has a high card, the fruit connoisseur has a two pair and the tired mom has a three-of-a-kind.

The toilet smirks and shows a flush.

Get your debit card!

Hey! If possible could you guys help me out? My sibling is moving away and I'm trying to make a goodbye card, but I cant think of any good whale puns

Would it be possible for you guys to provide some? Thanks in advance!

Magician: Choose a card

Me: Chooses a card

Magician shuffles the card and picks the card which I picked

Magician: Is this your card

Me:No

Magician: But you chose this card

Me: No. Its your card because you bought it and you own the card

So I sent him a "Get Well Soon" card

My credit card company calls me almost everyday to tell me that my balance is outstanding!

He said he wanted to buy the rights to one of the jokes I used in my routine, and handed me his American Express card.

I thanked him for the compliment, but informed him I couldn't take credit.

He said "You know, one card would have been enough."

But after the last flop, when the tide was high, all the big whales and card sharks folded fin by fin--and there was a clamor! Because the tuna that schooled them was just a Bluefin.

Jokes on her. I hid my credit card in the freezer.

… and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind.

Q: What zoo animals should you never play cards with?

. . . . A: The cheetahs

I took me 20 minutes just to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.

I usually use my cREDDIT card

When an old lady walked up to me, gave me her debit card and PIN AND asked me to check her balence...

So I pushed her over.

is a deck of cards glued together

Is a deck of cards glued together.

A get well soon card.

So I sent him a "get well soon" card

So I sent him a get well card

So I sent him a ‘Get Well Soon!’ card.

..is a deck of cards glued together.

Cancel its credit card.