Dolophine Hydrochloride Puns

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

What Common Products Can Cause A False Positive?

Listed below are products reported to cause a false positive drug test result. With your help, this will grow into a comprehensive list. Last updated, January 2, 2008.

Substances that cause false positives

4-Way Nasal Spray – false positive for Amphetamines, Morphine     )

Accutrim – False positive for Ecstasy (MDMA), Meth

Acetaminoph w/codeine – false positive for Morphine

Acet-AM – False positive for Amphetamines, Heroin, Opiates

Acro-Lase Plus® contains barbiturates

A.P.C. w/codeine – False positive for Morphine

A.R.M. – false positive for Amphetamines

Actifed – false positive for Amphetamines    2, 3, 7, 18)

Actifed with Codeine Cough Syrup®

Adderall® – is an amphetamine, positive for Meth    2008 PDR, 18, 19)

Advil – False positive for THC, Marijuana    14, 16, 18, 20, 26, 29) (Ref. 22 says NO)

Afrin – False positive for Ecstasy (MDMA), Meth

Aleve – False positive for THC, Marijuana

Alka-Seltzer – false positive for Amphetamines     )

Alka-Selzer Plus – false positive for Amphetamines, Morphine     )

Allerest – false positive for Amphetamines, Ecstasy, Meth and Morphine    2, 3, 7, 11, 16, 18)

Alprazolam contains benzodiazepines

Amantadine

Ambenyl contains codeine

Amesec – False positive for Amphetamines, Heroin, Opiates

Amfepramone – False positive for Amphetamines, Ecstasy (MDMA), Meth

Amifepramone – false positive for Amphetamines and Ecstasy    3, 11)

Amineptine – false positive for Amphetamines and Ecstasy

Amitriptyline – false positive for LSD

Amogel PG® contains opium/morphine

Amoxicillin – False positive for cocaine    13, 16, 18, 20, 21, 26, 29)

Ampicillin – false positive for cocaine

Amphetaminil metabolizes to amphetamine

Ampicin – can cause false positive for opiates

Anaprox – False positive for THC, Marijuana    3, 18

Ansaid – false positive for marijuana

Anti Anxiety medication, most – false positive for benzodiazepines

Anti Inflammatories such as Naproxyn    26)

Antiasthmatics that contain phenobarbital – false positive for barbiturates

Antibiotics – False positives for Heroin, Cocaine    13, 18, 20)

Antrocol Elixor® contains barbiturates

Apo-Naproxen – False positive for THC, Marijuana

Artane – false positive for LSD

Ascriptin w/codeine – False positive for Morphine

Aspirin with Codeine

Asthma medications – false positives for Amphetamines and Ecstasy    20, 21)

Astramoprh PF ® contains morphine

Ativan® contains benzodiazepines

B2 vitamin – F

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

They’re on standbi

BamBOO!

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Put it on my bill

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Mathematical puns makes me number

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

At work, I have a workstation.

edit: cheers u/cheer_up_richard

I’m stumped.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.

I won't be doing that today!

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.